Glass shoe!
Quite possibly, my favorite thing about sneezing (or hearing anyone sneeze around me) is that it's quickly followed up by a "Glass Shoe" (his way of saying Bless you) from any room in the house. He will yell it if he needs to, but damnit, he wants to bless you if you sneeze! And bless himself when he sneezes!
- posted by Connie @ 4/15/2009 01:25:00 PM 1 comments

 
Animal sounds sometimes not so cool
David's new thing is to make animal sounds. So you say "David, what does a kitty say?" And he'll say "meow!" For doggie, he'll do a very subdued "woof" but it's cute because he bobs his head a little when he does the dog sound. For cow, the most recent addition to his repertoire, he'll go "boooo!" (I can't correct him, it's too cute.) And when I say "David, what does a chicken say?" He'll say "bwah bwah bwah bwah".

So, I'm at Trader Joe's thinking about what I want to make for dinner, and I'm talking to myself loudly enough so that David can clearly see that I'm a lunatic, but I do it in such a way where it seems like I'm talking to him, too. I go on and on about the things I see in the aisle. We get to the meat section and I say to myself, "I wonder if we should have chicken tonight." David promptly goes "bwah bwah bwah bwah", and I looked at him and said in as light a tone as possible, "That's so morbid! You can't say that when they're food!" But he sure has a sense of humor.
- posted by Connie @ 1/06/2009 09:38:00 PM 0 comments

 
30 days on the brambly mobile device
So I've had my BlackBerry officially for 30 days. Is it the Storm? Is it the Bold? Is it the latest, greatest thing ever to come from RIM's labs? No. It's the tried and true Curve, acquired used and by a private party so as not to extend the ol' contract. Do I love it? Unequivocally and emphatically, yes.

It's not just the exceptional call quality and text/email abilities that the phone itself is known for (and by themselves would be enough to garner such praise even if the phone did nothing else) but all the other little things like the camera, media player, facebook app, the Google Mobile Apps (thank you Paul Feng), Opera Mini 4 for those sites that the proprietary browser just won't open, and so on.

Mainly, though, what I realized during this 30 day period during which I've taken countless photos and videos of David (and immediately proceeded to upload those to facebook after snapping said pics), and communicating seamlessly with friends close, distant and long-lost as if they were sitting right next to me, is that this is a tool that I wish I had (perhaps any smartphone would have done just fine, I'm just partial to this here BlackBerry) especially during the time of David's birth and the first several months thereafter. Those newborn days were times of a healthy combination of joy, chaos and quiet bonding, but I admit that there were more than a few moments of isolation and profound loneliness that I feel might have been cured (at least partially) with a small device that could have kept me connected to the world I felt I had suddenly left behind.

Better late than never, though. I no longer have to hear the nagging from certain family and friends to upload some more damn pics of David already because I've now overexposed him on facebook. So there!
- posted by Connie @ 1/04/2009 09:39:00 AM 1 comments

 
David and Tommy -- separate but equal
So Prince David and the incumbent monarch Tommy (cat) have finally learned to coexist at my parents' house. When David was an infant, I did not see Tommy around, well, ever. He was very sensitive to David's cries, which were as loud as they were frequent. Tommy also quickly learned that all the fussing over this and that was no longer for him, so I'm sure that that influenced him to self-exile himself to "less favored nation status"...to some quiet corner of a closet somewhere where it was quiet and he didn't have to be reminded of why his ears were ringing or why no one was rushing to get him some wet food.

This season, at David's 21 months, the human was able to be taught how to walk and talk more gently. "Gentle" was a term he already learned at daycare, but the cat there is far more tolerant of babies' cries and small toddler noises so he needed no pre-conditioning. Now, we hold his hand and walk gently into the room where Tommy is resting and we say "shhhh", and David gives a complicit and silent nod, sometimes quietly (and adorably imprecisely) mimicking the finger to the mouth gesture to indicate that it's quiet time.

The crowning moment of our apparent achievement was when Tommy actually emerged from his usual spot and came out to the living room one otherwise insignificant evening as we were going about the usual bustle of evening activity. He didn't seem bothered by the presence of "that small but awfully loud human thing" and actually sat quite close to him without much fanfare, behaving rather as if he had been doing this for weeks. We didn't make a big deal about it so as to startle him, but we were tickled all the same. Things won't quite be the same henceforth, as we now get to simultaneously enjoy the company of BOTH, small, spoiled but darling brats of the Chun household.
- posted by Connie @ 12/29/2008 11:36:00 AM 0 comments

 
Odd local flavor that strangely did not disturb me
David and I try to eat at the local diner each weekend. It has most definitely become a ritual for us. When I'm feeling like I particularly deserve it, I'll go BOTH weekend days, but usually just one.

Usually I love people-watching, observing body language of strangers, and quasi-strangers (those who you feel like you know because you see them every week but you don't really know them from Adam or Eve), trying to guess what it is that they've lived through, whether it's a first date or a prolonged walk of shame that turned into an awkward first (and maybe last) breakfast. However, now that I've got a toddler who can go from elation to meltdown in 1.4 seconds, I'm pretty damn oblivious to the local vibe.

Today, though, this man came up to me as he was leaving and said to me quite simply, "Excuse me. I see you in here pretty frequently, and every time I see you, I'm reminded of one of my really really strict college professors." And before I could offer a courtesy laugh, or followup question, he was gone. There was nothing unsavory about it; it was just curious and interesting and vaguely endearing.
- posted by Connie @ 12/07/2008 10:08:00 AM 0 comments

 
Kirkland formula and diapers...behind the curtain
I'm a pretty analytical, observant, alert, detailed consumer. Plus I'm a Costco fanatic/whore/evangelist. So, for all you new parents out there or veteran parents who haven't figured it out and are just curious: Kirkland brand formula is Similac. It just has to be. If it's not, I'll tell you what it isn't: Enfamil. Kirkland brand diapers are Huggies. Not the regular white/red ones. It's just a repackaged version of their "Supreme" line that's sold in burgundy bags. Which, if you think about it, makes it a pretty fucking incredible deal.

I could be wrong, and I'd accept that, but I've tried a LOT of stuff, and there's nothing like the ol' empirical way of determining things and my conclusions just have to be right. Anyway, by the time I figured this out, we had outgrown formula and I just didn't care either way. But some people might care. So there it is. Have fun.
- posted by Connie @ 11/29/2008 08:28:00 PM 0 comments

 
20 months, and 29.7 lbs
He is huge. What do I do about this? My limbs, back and neck are all sore, and I have to think of creative ways to meet David's needs without completely handicapping myself. Most 20 month olds are not this heavy, and even 2 year olds are rarely this big. I must think of something sustainable soon...a fitting topic, since I have to lift him out of the bathtub right now and my arms are not looking forward to it.
- posted by Connie @ 11/29/2008 08:26:00 PM 0 comments

 
Sin Neck Doh! Key
A sign at the Piedmont Theatre box office. It was originally meant as a public service guide on how not to make an ass out of yourself to the ticket agent just 'cuz you want to watch Sin-Neck-Doshe.

Love it.

From quasicrazy

- posted by Connie @ 11/22/2008 02:25:00 PM 0 comments

 
Who are you, kiddo?
Tonight was one of those nights where you look at this creature that you've been with every day of his life and yet you feel like you're looking at him for the first time in a year because of some monumental changes that occurred seemingly (and in some cases, literally) overnight.

This morning, right when David woke up, I changed him out of his pee-pee diaper, and I, in my typical fashion, wadded it up and threw it onto the ground where I was going to pick it up and take it to the diaper champ in the other room. No need. He climbed down the bed, picked it up himself, and walked to the other room and threw it into the diaper champ. Profuse praising ensued.

Then, this evening around 5:45, right when we got home and indoors, I said "David, shoes off." So he promptly sat down, let me take his shoes off, and then he took his own socks off (which is the usual routine). Then, he threw his socks into a pile, then got up, picked up those same socks, and ran into his room and threw them into the hamper. We've been working on that trick for 4 days, and now it's like he's been doing it his whole life. Profuse praising ensued.

Then, after he finished eating dinner, I got some wet paper towels and started wiping up the floor below his high-food-dropping-traffic area was and was very vigorously wiping in circular motions. I looked up to notice that he was copying me by vigorously wiping down his kiddie table with the same motion, and with a different dry paper towel that was already on his table. The best part? He went to the trash can right after and deposited the used paper towel. The trash part involved manually lifting the lid and then closing it once deposited. Profuse praising ensued.

I tell ya, some days, I think I'm going to drop him off at a fire station any minute, and other days, it's like OMG! How much freakin cuter can you be???
- posted by Connie @ 11/20/2008 09:55:00 PM 0 comments

 
A FWD: FW: fwd: fw: that made me laugh
An email that was forwarded ad infinitum, but finally got to me by way of my friend (who also has a son).

Subject: You find out interesting things when you have sons, like...

1) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can i gnite.

3) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7) When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late.

8) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36- year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

11) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12) Super glue is forever.

13) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15) VCR's do not eject 'PB & J' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20) The fire department in Austin , TX has a 5-minute response time.

21) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

25) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
- posted by Connie @ 11/20/2008 02:23:00 PM 0 comments

 
Racist bastard - how does he get away with it?
Actual lunch conversation had at 12:42pm, outside on Montgomery near Washington
Herm: Whoa. That was the trippiest thing I've ever seen.
Nayan: What?
Herm: I just saw -- get this -- an Asian driving a UPS truck.
Nayan: So what?
Herm: I just, you know, thought there was an unwritten rule that they were never allowed behind the wheel of commercial vehicles.
- posted by Connie @ 11/18/2008 01:23:00 PM 0 comments

 
This is amazing
Obama headlines
- posted by Connie @ 11/13/2008 03:51:00 PM 0 comments

 
Genius toddler
This week we skipped church because David has been feeling under the weather (I'll blog about church later, once I've had time to gather my thoughts about the whole experience in general), so we went out for breakfast for the first time in a while. It used to be a weekly thing, but other competing priorities of late have forced me to hastily make breakfast while we mad dash out the door.

Today, though, was nice and relaxed, as we eased back into the familiar ritual of breakfast at the local diner, where they all know your name (okay, not mine, but everyone knows David's name because apparently I don't have huge cheeks and a double chin that people seem to adore on him). As we strolled out the diner, we headed to the market, where we passed by a small white dog on a leash. David squealed, and then said "doggie doggie!", followed by a "ooof!" I thought that was so freaking adorable, and I said, "yes, that's right, doggie goes woof!" And just to make sure it wasn't a fluke or lucky guess, I said "what sound comes from kitty?" and he goes "mao!" If it didn't take so long to unstrap and restrap him back in the stroller, I'd have picked him up and eaten him up right there for being so darn smart and cute.
- posted by Connie @ 11/09/2008 11:44:00 AM 0 comments

 
Really seeing the potential to exploit David's new talent
Prior to the period of time between 2 years ago and now, I generally answered my phone all the time. Lately, though, that depends on a lot of factors that stem from one monster toddler.

This morning, my dad called me and my cell phone was ringing from some pocket of some jeans in some room somewhere, and not only did I not hear it, but even if I did, I couldn't possibly get to it. Suddenly, I hear the pitter patter of little footsteps and the cell phone is getting louder and louder. Once I begin to realize what is happening, I put it all together: David FETCHED my ringing cell phone and brought it to me. Eeeeeeee! Once I can get him to go get the mail and make me a cup of coffee, I'll be set.
- posted by Connie @ 11/08/2008 11:31:00 AM 2 comments

 
And now, a message from David. Translation: No, no, no, no

- posted by Connie @ 11/03/2008 05:53:00 PM 0 comments

 
Really enjoying Picasa 3
I neither loved nor hated the original Picasa, so I kinda tossed it aside. I revisited, and now it's Picasa 3rd gen. And wow. I love it. No offense, Steve, still love the grommit gallery -- I'm not comparing them because they are very different and serve distinct needs. I just love how I'm able to sync the local app with the web album since I get harassed about David pics on a regular basis by the family. Now that I have a laptop with an SD card slot (yes, I've joined this millenium finally), it's a breeze. All the pics I want to post are online in a few minutes. I feel like I'm gaining time! Great tool.
- posted by Connie @ 11/03/2008 02:22:00 PM 0 comments

 
My favorite new thing about David
So a misguided combo of unenforced bedtime policies and overly indulging a certain someone's nocturnal sissiness has yielded a 19 month old who requires assistance falling and staying asleep. Translation? My bedmate is a kicking, fitful, sensitive thing who can be awakened at the sound of a pin drop (so never you mind about the middle of the night peeing, just hold it til the morn and pray you don't get a UTI!) Yes, I am frightened of this creature who stands 32 inches tall. My hair can stand on end when I hear him shrieking and I'm sure it's only 1:30am.

But, there's a silver lining, as there always is. Some weekend mornings, I can talk him into sleeping in a WHOLE HOUR by nuzzling him close to me so that he's sleeping in my arm pit (cuter felt/seen than read) and he hugs me while sleeping. I hug him back, but here's the kicker: if my hand is resting on, say, his belly, or his arm, and he feels me trying to move it, he will (IN HIS SLEEP) grab said arm and put it back where it was. How freaking cute is that. Totally makes up for having to get up at 6:30 all other days.
- posted by Connie @ 11/02/2008 06:47:00 PM 0 comments

 
David relishing his new furniture

2008 Oct New Table

- posted by Connie @ 11/01/2008 08:43:00 AM 0 comments

 
Seattle trip photos

Seattle

- posted by Connie @ 11/01/2008 08:42:00 AM 0 comments

 
Some recent pics from a pumpkin patch

2008 Oct Pumpkin Patch

- posted by Connie @ 11/01/2008 08:33:00 AM 0 comments

 
No, no, no, no, no!
So many have asked: has he hit the "no" phase yet? I was happy that he hadn't, though interestingly, he has hit the "Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom" phase. You know, in the tone that a 7 year old would use when at a toystore and really wants Mom to pay attention to the object in question. So, considering he had hit such an advanced phase, I thought maybe he was so evolved he wouldn't hit his no phase.

But he did.

And guess how he said it. Yup, just the same way he does the repetitive Mom thing. Sometimes he challenges himself to do it super turbo charged so it sounds like "Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-nooooo!" which makes me want to laugh, but I don't dare lest I encourage this obnoxious yet still deliciously cute habit.
- posted by Connie @ 11/01/2008 08:29:00 AM 0 comments

 
David and Goliath

Rob is 6'10". David is not.
- posted by Connie @ 8/28/2008 09:49:00 AM 0 comments

 
Happy 1st Birthday David!

Prince David turns one today. That is all. Thank you.
Pictures!
- posted by Connie @ 3/25/2008 03:05:00 PM 2 comments

 
In case you ever wanted to know
Carr water crackers store very precisely into an empty cylindrical container of Sunsweet "Ones". Hmm. Yeah. I really need to get out more. Which will be difficult, since I no longer need to anymore.
- posted by Connie @ 3/17/2008 11:01:00 AM 0 comments

 
Single serving desserts
This burst of popularity with offering single serving desserts is alright by me. Piedmont Grocery, which is nearly across the street from where I live, has offered this for a while now - fresh desserts in the refrigerated section, but stores like Trader Joe's and Safeway are really getting into the business of frozen gourmet dessert offerings and they are fabulous!

Trader Joe's has one of my favorite desserts, the molten lava cake, which is basically chocolate cake that houses inside of it melty warm fudgy chocolate sauce that flows out when you break it with your fork. It is amazing served warm with ice cream, and I happily shell out 10 bucks for this sinful stuff at your typical nice restaurant that will offer this. TJ's has it for around 3 or 4 bucks. FOR A 2-PACK. Friggin ridiculously cheap. And it's really good. Their panna cotta is amazing too. All you have to do to prepare it (as opposed to baking, as with the lava cake), is thaw it in the fridge for 3 hours, then serve. You invert it onto the plate, where you'll discover that there are blueberries and mangoes on top! Safeway has a molten lava cake in their "Select" line of foods and I recently tried it. Verdict? Amazing. Maybe even better than Trader Joe's! The cake is more delicate and fluffy. It is also in the 3 to 4 buck range for a 2-pack.

If I was served any one of these desserts at a restaurant in a blind taste test (a la Folgers' Instant Coffee commercials circa early 1980's) and then charged 8 to 10 bucks for it, I would not in any way be disappointed.

Anyone else wondering why I still can't manage to shed the last 15 pounds of my pregnancy weight gain (she says as her son is about to turn 1 year old in a week...)
- posted by Connie @ 3/16/2008 05:24:00 PM 0 comments

 
Online grocery delivery. I never have to leave the house again.
There are some things that I often wonder to myself why I haven't started sooner, like online grocery delivery, or yelping...I think for the latter, I had been doing so much ridiculously detailed reviewing on amazon, or on this site, that I was soooo over it before yelp was even twinkle in the creator's eye, and the former was perhaps sullied in my mind's eye after the collapse of webvan, a company I never tried and have regretted bitterly. That regret has probably made me be very wary of trying Safeway.com, lest I get addicted to something that may go away right at the moment that I find it indispensable to my life. It's oddly funny that I didn't exercise the same caution with amazon, which is absolutely essential to my life in a way that I don't want to live in a world that doesn't have it...yet they were the one company that in the reigning years of fuckedcompany.com seemed the one "least likely to succeed". Funny how things turn out.

Anyway, now that I can no longer be as extravagant with my shopping habits (Trader Joe's for this, Andronico's for that, Safeway for this, Berkeley Bowl for that...etc), I've found myself going to Safeway more and more for staple items, and since their "O" (as in Organics) brand is really doing it right with baby and other foods, it's just become practical to choose them as my one-stop-shop. But. But. How I hate shopping. Even though it's only one store, I have to go there every week, spend anywhere between 100 and 150 bucks, and it's an utterly painful, surprisingly disappointing time, every time. It's crowded, it's very time-consuming, it's dirty...and I have to bring the baby with me.

I tried Safeway.com for the first time on...drum roll...this very day. How embarrassing, I know, that I waited this long to have someone else do the work of bringing 100 bucks' worth of groceries right to my door for 10 bucks (but the first delivery was the sweet sweet price of nothing). Suffice it to say that I feel that I never need to leave my house again. True, I had to commit to a 2 hour delivery window (normally 13 bucks) and must resign myself to a 4 hour delivery window (because I'm a cheap bastard who only wants to pay $10), and also true that they don't have real-time inventory availability at the point of internet sale (meaning, I didn't find out that the 16 bottles of mineral water that was my main purpose of choosing online delivery was out of stock until they came to my door to inform me, along with the balance of my groceries that were in stock), and still also true that some items had to be substituted...all told, it was an extremely pleasant experience that I'm thrilled exists and now wish I had tried during the 30 days after David's birth that I voluntarily did not leave the house. This is highly compatible with my distaste for wearing pants, a habit and trait that my child is warming up to very quickly.
- posted by Connie @ 3/16/2008 05:20:00 PM 0 comments

 
Contemplation at my child's 10 months
David is now 10 months old, and at times, I have to stop and take stock of all that has happened since his birth to marvel at how far I've come (and shudder at how much more there is to come).

Now that he can crawl quite efficiently, I consider him beyond the helpless phase of his newborn days, when he was subject to the whims of his caretakers as to when he would move from "here" to "there". Now, if he wants to be "there", he can get his own ass there, whether he should be there or not. I wouldn't quite call him independent; perhaps "slightly beyond dependent" is more accurate. Still, it amazes me that he has reached even this stage when I consider the days of car rides or diaper changes that could not be accomplished without fits of screaming (usually by the baby, sometimes by me along with him in order to cope).

Yes, it is amazing to me that Eugene and I have kept a baby not only alive, but (seemingly) happy as well. But...

On the flip side of the shiny happy coin of new-parent, foggy-eyed "bliss", if you were to ask me what one thing I miss the most about my former life since having a baby, it would be difficult for me to give you one answer because I'd be quick to rattle off a list of things, like "the ability to go have a drink after work for an hour", or "the ability to watch a movie at the theatre", or "the ability to respond to an evite right when I receive it rather than having to check and double check with 3 different support systems" or "the ability to go to the gym whenever I want to" or "the ability to not have to spend all of my free time doing dishes/laundry/cleaning/cooking, all of which have increased exponentially" because it seems silly now that I've written it all out because even I can look at the list and say, "well, why don't you?" The answer is that I've come to realize that what I truly miss is the ability to be spontaneous. I don't like knowing where I'll be 2 weeks from now at 3:30pm because of something I RSVP'd for 2 months ago. I want to say "sure, I'll go have a drink with you at 6pm" when it's 5:53pm, or announcing to my boss that I just bought a ticket to Hawaii so note that I'll be gone from tomorrow for a week. There are of course, many cool things going on in my life that I wouldn't trade for anything, but the baby definitely makes it nearly impossible to be spontaneous with the energy and time that you have remaining at the end of the day. I think the only way you can continue a life of spontaneity after having a child is to have a full-time backup babysitter, like grandparents that live nearby who wouldn't mind being left with the baby at a moment's notice, but alas, this is not a reality for us.

I don't miss my old life too terribly, but now I fully understand why new parents encourage their friends to join their lifestyle (of getting married, popping out a kid or two), because I'd give my right arm to have a close friend going through the first-baby experience with me right now as it's happening.
- posted by Connie @ 1/30/2008 03:58:00 PM 2 comments

 
Hey!

- posted by Connie @ 12/08/2007 11:04:00 AM 2 comments

 
What I don't give thanks for
With the passing of Thanksgiving, so did David's 8th month of life. And oh, so many milestones have been reached. For example, he is now officially forward facing in his childseat! I don't want to hear any comments from naysayers about how he has to be 1 year old before doing such a change. He is 23 pounds for crying out loud. Plus, he hated facing backward, so there you go. (Ah, the internet, great for so many things, but terrible for parenting advice or encouragement when it comes to making up your own rules out of necessity. So, I'm saying it now, I'm saying it loud, I'm saying it proud: He is forward-facing in his car seat! And we celebrated.) We will not feel guilty that he is not yet a year old since he already surpasses the more important factor of the weight minimum.

He also started eating meat for the first time 2 nights ago when he had "Chicken and Rice Dinner" (thank you Gerber!) He was in daycare yesterday so I don't know what occurred of the aftermath (in case you don't understand, I'm talking about poo), but last night he had "Beef and Vegetable Dinner" (thank you Gerber, once again!) and since I'm home with him today, I can say he officially lost his innocence. I once commented right here on this very blog about how the days of breastfed-milk yellow poo were over once formula started, and even mentioned how disgusting formula poo was after that transition. I'm here to now announce that his new poo, thanks to a well-rounded diet of meat and other disgusting things that we all eat regularly (and in my case unapologetically), is absolutely horrid. I'm talking about a log, folks. And some stuff after that, too. It was so disgusting that the only thing I can think to compare it to that could do it any justice is...well, adult poop!

Welcome to a new chapter in your life, Baby David!
- posted by Connie @ 11/28/2007 04:19:00 PM 0 comments

 
When the pond looks like an ocean, I don't need to know about the guppies that just swam by
Is there a bigger joke than the "Friendster Schoolmates Update" email? I get these emails more frequently than seems proper (I suppose I could turn them off, but then what would be the fun in that?), and it gives me a notification that a random sample of 10 people who also went to UC Berkeley have updated their profiles recently. As if that's the same thing as getting a "Schoolmate Update" from my elementary school that informs me that Joe Chen and Jeremy Smith have updated their profiles (hint: these are people I actually did go to school with from K - 4) and I would actually give a damn, and only maybe, at that.

Getting an email that lets me know that a random 10 people from UC Berkeley have updated their profiles is akin to getting an email notifying me that 10 fellow taxpayers in Alameda County bought a cup of coffee at Starbucks sometime this week. Or that 10 fellow drivers in California experienced road rage in the past week. Especially helpful is the fact that it's first name only. It's like I'm supposed to say "Ohhh, Jennifer with no included pic from UC Berkeley! I know her! She received a new testimonial! Good for her!"
- posted by Connie @ 11/15/2007 02:49:00 PM 0 comments

 
Truly "Baby Huey"
We snapped some pictures of David at his 6 month check-up and didn't look them over until now...and in this particular picture, he looks ENORMOUS!!! We almost died laughing. I mean, he's big, sure, but this picture makes him look like a sumo wrestler! No photoshopping or alteration done.


- posted by Connie @ 10/08/2007 01:35:00 PM 3 comments

 
Another reason to love Costco
It's not for the obvious reasons that I particularly love Costco, though the obvious ones are good, too. The generous return policy, the 1.50 hot dog with soda, the fact that I always have at home 60 extra rolls of toilet paper and 4 extra spools of floss at any given point in time. Sure, those reasons are understood and universal for the typical Costco shopper.

But to me, it's the hidden gems that I really enjoy. The things that have always been there, but delight me when I accidentally discover them. Like the ATM machine at the store exit. It looks like any other ATM machine that you see dozens of throughout your day. But, let's just say you needed to get some cash out and you're nowhere near your bank. You've been in a situation like this. You're a Bank of America customer and you only see Wells Fargo ATMs as far as the eye can see or vice versa. You are forced to do the unthinkable, and before you know it, you've been charged almost 5 or 6 dollars after fees in both directions to take out your own money. Well, much the way Costco drives down prices by forcing their suppliers to cut costs, so it goes with their ATM's as well. They probably got some ATM agreement that allowed them to set a limit on the fee, which is currently a lovely 75 cents on any withdrawal. If you get charged a fee from your bank, then the 75 additional doesn't hurt too badly. For me, it's almost nothing because my bank never initiates a charge, but I must pay any ATM fees that the other bank charges. Considering I've paid $3 in Arbuckle at a bank called Umpqua, 75 cents seems practically free.
- posted by Connie @ 10/07/2007 09:13:00 PM 0 comments

 
PC LOAD LETTER for flash sites
You know that scene in Office Space where they are kicking the CRAP (I'm trying to curb my cursing) out of the printer? (M Bolton: "PC Load Letter? What the fuck does that mean?" <-- curse curbing doesn't count if I'm quoting someone) They take it out to a field and just start going crazy on it, like a gang-banger getting initiated? If I could take all the websites in the world that are Flash-based, and somehow morph them into some physical form, THAT is what I'd do to them. I'd be the guy who, after the group decides that they're done with their destruction, breaks away from them and starts running back to get in a few more punches and kicks.

So much pointless form, absolutely no function. Why can't they be banned?!
- posted by Connie @ 10/04/2007 01:27:00 PM 1 comments

 
David is 6 months old today
It really seems like just yesterday that I had no idea how to make this little butterball stop crying. This non-interactive, fleshy, yellow blob of poo and drool. People gushed at how in love I must be with my new baby. Huh? How do I have time to fall in love with him? I'm too busy trying to make him stop crying. And when he's not crying, I'm busy resting. Truth be told, it took me 4 months to truly bond with the little man to the extent of all the cliches of mother-infant love. And now, here we are, 2 months later, to exactly 6 months after he exited the warmth and safety of my belly.

And what milestones we've reached, even as recently as 3 days ago, when we noticed the unmistakable ridges of the peak of a new tooth (bottom left), explaining away the fussiness of the past several weeks! The same night, he slept through the night, and I don't mean the medical definition of 5 to 6 hours. I'm talking about the real-life, what-matters-to-most-people definition: 8:30pm to 6:30am. I had heard of these babies that slept through the night, babies that belonged to people that I actually know, but I swear that I could not comprehend how such a thing could exist. As far as I was concerned, these babies were as mythical as unicorns. So, imagine my surprise when I woke up at 6:30am on a Sunday morning, totally refreshed after having the first 8 hour stretch of uninterrupted sleep in about 9 months (I didn't sleep well my final trimester), energized, my mood light and spirited, and with the full realization that David had accomplished this important and seemingly impossible step. When I went into his room, he was already up, looking around, not already crying as he usually is when he wakes, and positively giggly when he saw me. That's called a good night's sleep, for both of us!

He's eating (when I say eating, I mean slopping around his face and clothes) sweet peas, green beans, sweet potatoes and rice cereal along with 4 feedings of formula.

He still loves to play with his toes.

He still loves to squeal with delight.

He isn't so jazzed about the exersaucer anymore, and he has all but outgrown the swing (not in size, but in interest).

He now doesn't drop items in his grasp so much has chuck them across the room, unaware of his strength. It's more that he's doing an involuntary jerky movement, and, while the toy is caught in his grasp, he lets go as he jerks another movement in an unintentionally perfectly timed moment.

He is about 21 pounds now, which is pretty heavy for a 6 month old, in fact all but one infant carrier goes up to 22 pounds, and that is supposed to last him (in theory) for the entirety of the first year of life. Thank goodness we bought the infant car seat that goes to 30 pounds, you know the one.

He is now in size 4 diapers, which has a range of 22 - 37 pounds. Usually babies don't progress this quickly through diaper sizes, so I don't know what is going on with the little guy. For a while, I actually thought that the diaper size indicated how many months old the baby is, because he was in size 1 until he was 2 months old, at which time he switched to 2, then when he was 3 months old, size 3. He stayed in size 3's until he was about 5 months, which was when that pattern broke. I was once told that I couldn't possibly buy too many diapers in any particular size, since it'll take a long time to outgrow any size. I'm glad I didn't follow that advice. Had I done so, I would have more excess size 2's and 3's than I'd know what to do with. Come to think of it, I'm glad I didn't follow a lot of advice, since David's growth is far from average.

I want to take this opportunity to do a special shout-out to Costco, without which we would have certainly been bankrupt. People kept telling me after I stopped breastfeeding (after 4 months) how expensive formula is. And I already know how expensive diapers are. Costco has made both of these expenses totally bearable. If you can find powdered formula for cheaper than 38 cents per ounce, then you are one smart shopper!

I have to say the best thing about my day is in the early morning: I drop him into the exersaucer, I leave the room to shower and get ready for work, and at the end of those 10 minutes that he is in his own world of toys that surround him, I come back in the room and he realizes in a split-second that I was gone and now back, and he breaks into this radiant near-giggly huge smile that tugs so intensely at the strings of the heart I didn't even know I had. More than that, it makes me think that, as with most babies a few months older than David, once his separation anxiety is fully developed, I'll have a hard time figuring out if it's his or mine.


- posted by Connie @ 9/25/2007 10:14:00 AM 3 comments

 
When you're a return queen, you appreciate all the tips you can get
So, I'm a retailer's worst nightmare. I love to return items, especially from places like Costco and Target. I'm not an abuser of return policies by any means, in fact, most of the items I return are unopened and can be turned right back around and sold again. It's just that, when companies have generous return policies, I tend to buy first, think later, and possibly (usually) return later.

This led to a buying craze that necessitated an organization system for my receipts. I have an envelope labeled "Target", another one labeled "Costco", "Babies R Us", "Home Depot", etc., and all the receipts within each envelope are stacked in chronological order. It's a sickness, I know.

At one point, I actually had piles of things that needed to be returned to one store or another (that was during the range of time between when I was a bit incapacitated with too big a fetus in my womb and when I was a bit incapacitated with that syndrome known as "Having a Newborn") because it had accumulated and I had zero time to do leisurely returns here and there spread out over time, as was my usual m.o. By then, it became almost impossible to decipher items on the receipt (Costco and Target in particular have extremely cryptic item descriptions on their receipts, often words that are nowhere on the product itself. Consequently, I didn't know which receipt to bring with me when returning any specific item.

Well, for Target items in particular, I just discovered a new trick. On the receipt itself, ignore the text description entirely, and go to target.com and look up the numeric code in the left column on the receipt. Voila -- it maps instantly to the mystery item! As crazy as I was with returns before, this new trick may grant me license to become even crazier!
- posted by Connie @ 9/05/2007 05:11:00 PM 2 comments

 
Apparently there is a downside to sweet televisions
So, since buying a sweet-ass huge LCD TV with 1080p (that currently, nothing is broadcast in, and I don't have a DVD player that supports that resolution, but I digress) in March, I have discovered a few hidden channels that were previously not available when I lacked a digital tuner. There are quite a few channels that are broadcast in HD, and, from time to time, I'll be on the hunt for a channel that is in HD when I don't feel like viewing grainy TV. After doing this, I've decided something: I really don't care for HDTV. Thanks, but I don't really need to see the pores on Denzel Washington's nose. It's not appealing, and it's actually quite distracting. Or? The singer that was belting it out onstage on some PBS music showcase channel? Did NOT need to see the cellulite on her arms. Yikes.
- posted by Connie @ 8/31/2007 11:50:00 AM 2 comments

 
If this is not the definition of a classic, I don't know what is
Movie: Grandma's Boy. Yes, I give credit to Herm for recommending this to me. He and I rarely see eye to eye on movies (he actually LIKED Anger Management, while I had to go to anger management therapy for being so angry at that movie's very existence), but when we do agree, the harmony can be felt 'round the world. I'm not usually into stoner movies, and perhaps my affinity for this movie could be due to the fact that it centers around gaming nerds (not that I am one, but I am a tester at least in a different sense), but whatever the reason is for me loving this movie cannot be precisely explained. One thing's for sure: it's got that quoteability factor which I adore so much in movies. (e.g. "I'm thinking about getting metal legs. It's a risky operation, but it'll be worth it." hehhehhe)
- posted by Connie @ 8/26/2007 09:25:00 AM 0 comments

 
A treasure hidden in plain sight
Hello? Why have I never been inside Cliff's Variety before today? I can't even count how many times I've been in and around the Castro district, and somehow it has always escaped both my notice and visit. In fact, I would not have ever known about it were it not for a baby product that can only be found there within a 50 mile radius (according to the manufacturer's website). I came for an item that took me 2 minutes to find. I could have spent hours in there, but, alas, the lunch hour is only so long. It is technically a hardware store, but they also carry everyday things that you need, and occasional items that you really don't need. According to their website, they have "everything from tiaras to tape measures". According to my visit, it's true.
- posted by Connie @ 8/22/2007 06:59:00 PM 0 comments

 
While I'm down here, why not kick me?
What is the worst thing that can happen while you are running around like a chicken with its head cut off on your first day back at work after a 5+ month maternity leave, frantically trying to remember passwords, decipher old acronyms, and get reacquainted with all your coworkers? This, on a day that started off dropping off your crying 4 month old at daycare? I mean, THE WORST thing that can happen, after having to CALL IN SICK on the actual day you were SUPPOSED to come back to work but didn't because you were in the emergency room until 5am that morning getting pumped full of meds and fluids intravenously because you had been violently vomiting the whole day prior? I'll tell you what. Getting your period unexpectedly at noon, that's what. For the first time since June 8. OF LAST YEAR. Yes, that's right. It had to happen today. Because it's me. And these things happen to me.
- posted by Connie @ 8/14/2007 08:46:00 PM 3 comments

 
I don't know if it's holy...
...but it's definitely shit.

That's a shameless quote-bite off of Dirty Jobs (the batcave guano cleaning one), but it is also the line that came to mind when I was changing a diaper today. Incidentally, between Eugene and me, we have changed over 2000 diapers, so shit does not faze us one bit. Truth be told, the ammonia of the pee-pee diapers puts me off more than the poopy diapers. Until today, anyway. David recently became a formula baby after four months of exclusive breastfeeding. That's another discussion for another time, but the hallmark of such a change, other than a dish drying rack full of a ton of bottles, is that the once yellow mustard-colored, sesame seed-textured, neutral-smelling poo of his salad days has morphed into a tofu-textured, tan-colored mush that smells like animal flesh that has been left to rot for two weeks. Talk about getting the evil out! I almost puked trying to change a diaper just now!
- posted by Connie @ 8/09/2007 03:07:00 PM 1 comments

 
Shout-out to the ladies at Westfield Topanga Bare Escentuals and Nordstrom cosmetics
During my visit to L.A., I go to the mall to save my sanity. I don't buy anything other than Pinkberry, although lately I've defected to Bare Naked Yogurt, since it's really and truly yogurt (if you can imagine that). I go to the mall because it's very loud in terms of white noise, it's full of visual stimuli that is basically the highest standard of eye-candy that David could possibly imagine or ask for, and I go there for the women at Bare Escentuals Cosmetics, and the Nodstrom cosmetics counter. The women who work at these 2 places are phenomenal. They love my baby and they treat him like a king. I went into BE the other day to buy a simple 14 dollar lip gloss, and walked away an hour later with about 50 dollars' worth of babysitting. They (especially Henga and Prell) giggled and screamed and cooed while I flipped through receipts in my wallet, returned some text messages, and just got some impromptu relaxation done. They begged me to come back soon so they can play with him again and many of them offered to babysit. I said I'd do them one better and leave him at BE and that I'd come back tomorrow to pick him up. They laughed. I didn't. Okay, maybe a little.
- posted by Connie @ 8/06/2007 12:51:00 PM 0 comments

 
I have a fussy baby
The Sears Attachment Parenting books would call it a "High Need Child". They amusingly (but realistically) go on to say that he will go from being a high-need baby to a high-need toddler to a high-need child to a high-need teenager. But they also endearingly conclude that he will eventually become a very confident adult with a high sensitivity to others' needs, as theirs were met well during development.

Whatever you want to call it, my child is the kind of child who will cry even when his diaper is dry, tummy full, and gas expelled. He needs to be constantly held, rocked, bounced, and often only in my or papa's arms. When I want to go grocery shopping, he won't just sit mellowly in his stroller or car seat. So, in the middle of aisle 8, when I'm trying to decide between strawberry or boysenberry jam, he starts whimpering and crying, so I'm forced to hold him while dealing with the shopping basket and the stroller. My favorite thing is when well-meaning women (usually older ones) will witness this sight and as they walk by, they'll whisper "Awwww, he's hungry." Wow, lady! Thanks!! All this time he was crying and crying and of course! He's hungry! That makes complete sense, since I fed him 30 minutes ago! Where would I be without their advice? Or more importantly, where would I be if I heeded their advice? I'd be the mother of a 300 pound four month-old, that's where I'd be.

People who don't spend a whole lot of time with him will often catch him in a good window, when he's being pretty mellow (or I'm holding him the whole time, so they see him in a cheerful mood). I'll complain to them how hard it is to deal with so much fussiness and they say "Oh, that's ok, that's what babies do, they cry." I say, "No, they don't!" I must be at Babies R Us every other day and the baby section of Target on the days I'm not at Babies R Us, and run into 25 babies minimally at each place. Never, not a once, have I seen a baby cry. They are usually asleep, or just playing with their stroller toys and most of them are younger than David's 4 months. So, crying? That's not what babies do. It's what apparently ONLY DAVID DOES. ALL THE TIME.
- posted by Connie @ 7/31/2007 01:49:00 PM 1 comments

 
Big Boy clothes!

Looking like a jaunty golfer in his spiffy little preppy shirt. A rather stunned one, anyway.
- posted by Connie @ 6/29/2007 10:49:00 AM 1 comments

 
Hard to say

He may LOOK just like Papa, but I'm trying to think who his grouchy attitude reminds me of...hmmmm...that one may take me all day to think about. I'll get back to you.
- posted by Connie @ 6/29/2007 10:43:00 AM 1 comments

 
My grandma, pictured with her offspring's offspring's offspring
David's only living great-grandparent. And great is an understatement -- that woman is amazing.


- posted by Connie @ 6/12/2007 12:43:00 AM 2 comments

 
Feeling drunk from power and nauseated by unbridled freedom
The power of the baby swing (oft-criticized as a 'substitute parent', probably by non-parents) is one not to be abused, but alas, I have. At first I resisted, and up until yesterday, never used it more than once a week or so. Today, I've used it 4, maybe 5 times. Yes! That's right! In one day! Yes, I'd rather rock my baby to sleep in a swing so that I can do luxurious activities like eat, shower, brush my teeth, etc. If I didn't, he'd be his usual cranky self, crying all the way to the nap he fights until it's a new cycle altogether that renders said nap completely irrelevant and mama totally insane.

I feel unstoppable now that I've gotten over my resistance to employing the power of the swing whenever I damn well feel like it.

This picture is a rare moment of CWA (Contentment While Awake), made possible by the swing.


- posted by Connie @ 5/04/2007 09:37:00 PM 2 comments

 
Maybe it's the sleep deprivation, or the hours on end of Discovery Channel
Reruns and reruns of The Deadliest Catch and Dirty Jobs during some seriously foggy new-mommy moments have allowed my crush on Mike Rowe to reach a new level. He's now visiting me in my dreams as my new boyfriend. Rarely do I dream (or remember them when I do) and still more rarely do I dream within context about someone I actually adore in real life. This must be a sign. There is no one wittier, quicker, funnier, hotter or sexy-voiced than you on TV or anywhere! (other than my dear husband, if he's reading this...) Mike!! Call me!!!
- posted by Connie @ 4/07/2007 01:55:00 PM 2 comments

 
Nothing ever really made sense until this very moment

- posted by Connie @ 4/04/2007 02:28:00 PM 4 comments

 
I take it back
Just experienced a nearly sleepless night full of 30 second long contractions (which aren't even close to the worst that I get to look forward to) and I decided that in my last posting, I was just kidding. He can stay in here as long as he wants to. Contractions are for the birds, man. Owwwww.
- posted by Connie @ 3/21/2007 12:09:00 PM 2 comments

 
I'm busy baking a future pain in the ass
So big I am. So swollen, so tired... for entertainment, Thao or Amee will roll me onto my back to see me do a rolly-polly bug impression. He's four days late, with no evidence of any intent to exit. The only babies I've given birth to lately are brown boneless ones. I can tell he's gonna be a pain in his mama's ass already! Come out, come out, wherever you are!! Actually, I don't really mind that he's taking his sweet ass time. I just don't want to be induced, which is imminent. Ain't nothin' pretty about labor, but induction is far worse. **Fat Bastard's Voice** GET OUTTA MAH BELLAYYY!!!
- posted by Connie @ 3/20/2007 05:43:00 PM 2 comments

 
The world loves pregnant women
Well, the entire world doesn't love pregnant women, I have to admit, since I was often not offered a BART seat on a crowded train while I was visibly third-trimester preggo. However, those few asstard-led situations aside, I have to say that the world loves pregnant women. As I reflected on all the positive things I was going to miss about being pregnant, among them was how much attention I get from the most unlikely people. Even strangers get so excited over my pregnancy -- even the young kid working at the member services at Costco, offering me crazy tips on how to bring about labor, my sister's coworkers asking how I'm doing (I've never met them), even POST OFFICE EMPLOYEES (no joke) have gone out of their way to be extra-courteous when I went in to mail something off to an ebay buyer. I'm spending this week furiously going about trying to get all my errands done before I pop so that I can take advantage of such great service. You'd think why not take it easy, since, after I pop, I'll have this precious little infant who will surely win over the very same people who were tickled by my pregnancy enough to give me special treatment? But I took a step further back and noticed that the world does not like the non-pregnant mothers quite as much as the mothers-to-be. If you are toting an infant, toddler, child, or anything other than a fetus packed in your belly, the world does not give you any special treatment. I guess there is something about the fragility of a pregnant woman, and the packed potential of hope that lies within the womb that makes the world so protective, curious, and full of concern and care. It's sad to think that it will all end in a few days, but it'll be worth it to get my figure back (someday). Oh, and to see what the lil bugger looks like.
- posted by Connie @ 3/14/2007 11:42:00 PM 0 comments

 
DO NOT USE AMAZON.COM GIFT REGISTRY
I have been sorely disappointed with Amazon.com's gift registry. Though I'm generally considered an Amazon.com whore/evangelizer/groupie for all other aspects of their site, I can say without any hesitation that their gift registry has been frustrating. I made the decision to use their site for my gift registry because it supported multiple merchants, and I wanted to make things easier on my friends. But now I know it is best to just have separate registries at different stores, however flawed their systems may be, and work that angle. (Plus if you use Target or Babies R Us, at least returns are easier, since you never really know what you'll actually use).

Where to start? Sometimes an item does not get marked as purchased, even though someone did in fact gift something. Oh how I wish the flaws ended there.

Another problem is that from the time that you add something to the registry to the time that someone actually purchases that item, the status of that item could change. For example, I added a play yard to my registry at a time when it was available and ready to ship. This play yard is used as a bassinet (and I planned on using that feature) until the baby exceeds 15 pounds (though the play yard itself can be used beyond that). Anyway, when our friend bought it for us, the status of that item had changed to "Available to ship June 15". He didn't notice that detail, nor did we expect him to, but Amazon.com let him purchase it anyway. Did Amazon.com notify us at all that the status of this item had changed? No. It did let us know that he purchased it, but had I not caught that detail, we would have received that item when the baby was beyond 3 months old, which would have made the bassinet feature practically useless (not to mention we'd be without a play yard for at least 3 entire months).

The final problem with the registry is that you cannot choose who fulfills the order. I'm so tired of Amazon using other merchants to fulfill orders, especially when those merchants are BAD. Like RightStart.com. Those fucking bastards are the ones who were chosen to fulfill an order for a product that was 29.99 when I first registered the item. Then when our friend bought it for us, Amazon.com somehow chose RightStart.com to fulfill the order at a price of 44.99 (to give you an idea of how dishonest that is, the MSRP for this item is 39.99. THE MSRP!!! Who charges more than what the manufacturer suggests?!), and they tacked on a whopping 11 bucks for shipping. After tax, it came out to a total of $60 for our dear friend. He doesn't have an eye for detail nor much concern for his wallet, so he didn't notice nor care, but I did. Especially because the whole basis for me adding that item (other than its necessity) was the price!!! It was supposed to be 29.99 without tax and with free shipping. I think the whole system is designed so that Amazon can give little favors to their smaller brand merchants, and because of the whole delicate nature of gift registries, they figure they can get away with deceiving a few customers because no one would really notice or follow-up (except the truly neurotic like me).

The worst aspect of all of this is that it creates circumstances whereby both the merchant and Amazon.com can drop accountability for the whole thing because they can play the whole "Ask your mom"/"ask your father" game, until it wears out the customer. I demanded that Amazon (not RightStart, even though they are despicable, too) refund my friend the shipping cost, plus the difference in base price, AND take responsibility for shipping back the item, because it was all their error and deception that caused it all, but they refused. What bastards.

All of this could have been avoided if they would allow you to choose the merchant that will fulfill the order, set a maximum price for the item, and have an email notification system for when items go out of stock (or magically rise 100% above the original price).
- posted by Connie @ 3/09/2007 06:29:00 PM 3 comments

 
Prairies and Hot Flashes
The best part of my maternity leave, other than the random contractions and crushing weight of fetus on organs action, is watching old episodes of Little House on the Prairie mid-morning. Eugene and I are reliving our childhood watching these precious episodes. It's interesting how little of the detail we remember, like some of the side characters, and the lines that got muttered subtly. I guess when you watch anything as a kid, you weren't meant to pick up on certain things. Charles Ingalls was one fair and wholesome man, though, I tell you what. He won't tolerate bigotry or mistreatment of anyone, and he spoke to women and men with the same amount of respect...and this was in the late 1800's! I don't even see people acting like that now, when supposedly there is more equality.

The worst part is that quite recently I got to experience yet another joyous symptom of pregnancy: hot flashes. Honest to goodness hot flashes. I was lying in bed watching tv and suddenly I just threw the covers off and ran inside the closet, where it was cool and dark. Eugene was laughing at me, like "what are you doing?" I explained that I felt like I had an internal temperature of about 300 degrees. He felt my forehead and I felt fine. He said I was acting like a dog or a cat, and was surprised I didn't wrap myself around the toilet instead of going into the closet. Ha ha. Then he towelled me down with a cold wet washcloth and turned on the ceiling fan. I didn't start feeling normal again for at least 10 minutes. Menopause should be a fucking blast.
- posted by Connie @ 3/08/2007 03:02:00 PM 2 comments

 
Launderus Orgasmicus
I just got the best present ever. A washer and dryer!!! Not just a washer and dryer, but free plumbing, installation, venting, etc. by a certain handyman I slept with for favors. And not just any washer, but a front loader. The thing is tiny, but holds 2.9 cubic feet. Not bad for such a tiny footprint. It fits into the impossibly small closet that was once the coat closet by the front door. It spins at 1200 rpm's at high-spin!!! Front loaders are so humpably wonderful. Clothes are practically dry by the time the cycle's done.

Before I first bought my own place, I vowed that I would never purchase a house or condo that lacked in-unit laundry facilities. But the market being what it was at the time, and me not wanting to live in Stockton or Tracy just to get a modern unit with all the amenities I wanted, I got practical and bought the Oakland condo that I loved at first sight, despite its one shortcoming.

Now that this newly installed amenity is here and functional, I feel like this is the place I always wanted it to be. It wasn't even fully stacked or installed into the closet yesterday (see picture on left of my first wash...it is now installed into the closet shown behind it), but it was hooked up, so imagine me, doing loads and loads of laundry with this washer sticking out of the closet. I just couldn't help myself. It was soooo gooooood. Best laundry I've ever done. I could heat up lunch in the kitchen, and walk over to check on laundry in 10 short footsteps! I actually ran out of clothes to wash today. That has never happened to me before. But that's good, because now I can start washing baby clothes, blankets and towels. Apparently, that's what good mothers do - they wash new clothes before putting them on their precious babies.
- posted by Connie @ 2/24/2007 04:22:00 PM 0 comments

 
5 more weeks
Today marks the t minus 5 week point for the estimated date of delivery. The image you see to the left is what he looked like 15 weeks ago. That is him actually sucking his thumb during the ultrasound. People have said this is a good sign that he is a self-soother.

As I'm readying myself for the delivery, I can't help but realize how conflicting my thoughts are about D-day. On the one hand, I am ECSTATIC that I'll regain control of my urinating schedule (anything less frequent than every 10 minutes will be just fine, thank you) and I won't have all the insanely uncomfortable physical pain of carrying all this extra weight and getting my organs kicked around constantly. But on the other hand, I realize that, once out, this is something that will be with me for a minimum of 18 years (maximum if he's an asshole). It's not something I can give back to a pet adoption agency (though I can faultlessly give him up to a fire station or hospital within 72 hours...hmmm), or stick back in my womb once he's getting to be too much to bear...it's the biggest responsibility of my life. Kinda makes the labor seem like it'll be the easiest part. But I'll keep you posted on how unbearable it ends up being. You know I will.

So, the crib has been purchased and assembled. Floors all re-done to remove the nasty-ass carpeting that still held remnants of old dog urine among other frightening toxins I care not to think about, walls painted, nursery decorated, washer/dryer hookups installed, washer/dryer ordered, bathroom remodel completed (no thanks to Herm), new furniture put together and being enjoyed, sweet LCD TV ordered (okay, that one's for us, not the baby), and ceiling fans/central lighting installed in all rooms. All labor and assembly performed by the hubby. I think we're ready to pretend we're ready.
- posted by Connie @ 2/09/2007 04:53:00 PM 1 comments

 
I'm going to board a plane on Wednesday
and Amee had this to say in an email:
"hey, do you have to drain your amniotic sac to 3 ounces before you board?"
- posted by Connie @ 12/07/2006 03:06:00 PM 2 comments

 
Wedding pictures, courtesy of Thao and Herm
Here are some pictures from the wedding. More to come later.

Pre-Ceremony and Ceremony

Reception

After-party
- posted by Connie @ 11/29/2006 09:20:00 PM 6 comments

 
They're getting a little older

- posted by Connie @ 11/29/2006 05:31:00 PM 2 comments

 
Last blog for a while
The next 8 days will be spent looking back on all my days as a single woman, as well as planning for the craziest event of my life, showcasing my talent for mimicking an ivory snowman in front of 500 Koreans. Ah, let the games begin.

I leave you with a ridiculously cute pic of a 2 week old puppy, one of four that Eugene's Jindo dog gave birth to. Bask in the furry squishable adorableness.
- posted by Connie @ 11/17/2006 02:33:00 PM 0 comments

 
A conversation with my sister
Connie: So, did you know that when you are pregnant you get like, craaaazy super duper horny? Like, in ways you didn't even think possible?
Jes: Actually, I was aware of that.
<< long pause >>
Jes: And you neither need to confirm nor deny that for me.
- posted by Connie @ 11/06/2006 12:33:00 PM 0 comments

 
I can't believe I'm creating a penis
That's how Amee put it. Thao put it like this: "A boy? What do we do with one of those?" Mike put it like this: Blue socks! Dina put it like this: "omg it's got a penis!" Meghan put it like this: 3 legs! And Steve put it like this: "You finally (in a manner of speaking) grew some balls"

I'm having a boy! Coolest part of the ultrasound was when it showed him sucking on his thumb. Amee said he could've been picking his nose. That would truly make him his mother's son.
- posted by Connie @ 11/02/2006 02:35:00 PM 1 comments

 
Signs I'm becoming a mother
1. Navel ring removed today in anticipation of "The Great Stretch". Now no one will mistake me for a teenager... *sigh*
2. Top sites visited daily: BabyCenter.com, Amazon.com Baby section, Gap Maternity. Former top sites visited (and currently haven't visited in months): engadget, gizmodo, Amazon.com electronics section, techbargains.com
3. Mirror in bathroom used to have reminder notes to self in dry erase pen like: shave legs, tweeze, buy more makeup remover. Now it reads: think of baby names, formulate birth plan, buy maternity pillow
- posted by Connie @ 10/27/2006 02:36:00 PM 0 comments

 
Expertise is defined as having a 50% success rate of predictive ability
I love how during my first trimester, everyone was an expert about nausea and what that meant for the gender of my baby. Now, during my second trimester, everyone is an expert about how high the baby is sitting on my stomach and what meant for the gender of my baby. Even my brazilian waxing technician (I'm sure there is a better term for this) told me about a Chinese birth gender predictor (99% accuracy rate, she claimed), and she's not even Asian.

What it all boils down to is that pretty much everyone thinks they know what the gender of my baby is based on whether I vomited, how frequent it was, how nauseous I was ("when you get really sick and feel miserable, they claim that a baby girl is stealing her mother's beauty", for example), and a whole host of other factors that basically make them draw these outrageous conclusions that have a staggering failure rate of 50%. Incidentally, they also have an amazing success rate of 50%.
- posted by Connie @ 10/19/2006 12:30:00 AM 1 comments

 
This is a very good week, and it's only Wednesday!
On Monday, I got my very first charity seat. I was on MUNI, coming back from a doctor's appointment, and, being the 38L, it was crowded as usual. A very 3rd trimester preggo was in front of me, so this man immediately got out of the way to let her sit down. I couldn't compete with that. I'm just starting my 2nd trimester, and really, let's face it, I could pass as someone who had a few too many slices of pizza last night. But, I was holding a book called "The Birth Book" with a picture of a newborn, and I didn't realize that this crucial prop helped this other man realize (after about 2 minutes of me trying to remain standing through a bumpy ride) to offer me his seat! It was awesome. Too bad people on BART are still so clueless about offering pregnant women a seat. It's freakin tiring having your sense of balance totally way off, and just those few extra pounds really take a toll. Thank you, random tall MUNI guy with the suit and iPod!!

On Tuesday, I got a gift card in the mail to "A Pea in the Pod". I'm not a huge spender, and if any of you are familiar with that store, you'd know that it ain't for the miserly. Luckily it's good at Motherhood/Maternity stores, too. The person who sent it said that she can't hang out with me if I'm not looking hot in my pregnancy. So, I'll do it for her. Thanks Kim!!

Today, I got to eat Sibby's cupcakes for the first time. These delectable goodies were delivered to my work by my favorite Noudle Brain. Thanks Nou!! I was first introduced to the idea of these cupcakes by Steve, who bought them for Wendy's 30th birthday. I couldn't make it to the party due to nausea and general first trimester yuckiness, so I had to miss seeing my favorite FOB turn 30 and these yummy treats.

My advice to you guys is, when boarding any public transit, wear a preggo suit, and at all other times, announce to all your friends that you are pregnant!!!
- posted by Connie @ 10/18/2006 12:13:00 PM 2 comments

 
TGI Herm Friday! A lunchtime convo
Connie: Oh God, Herm, don't let me turn into one of those moms who get a "easier to manage" hairstyle and then just never goes back.
Herm: Oh, do people do that?
Connie: Yeah, you just don't notice 'cause Bahdurz (nickname for his mom) has gorgeous hair and really keeps her look together even way after kids are grown and gone. But lots of people do it.
Herm: So they don't have to bother with it?
Connie: Yeah.
<< short pause, during which Herm looks genuinely perturbed. >>
Herm: Well, if I ever get married, I'm going to have it in my prenup that I will have the right to divorce her and she gets nothing if she chops off all her hair after the first baby.
Connie: << speechless >>
Herm: I'm up to about 55 pages in my preliminary prenup as it is, thanks for the headsup about that point.
Connie: Herm, you have been single too long.
- posted by Connie @ 9/29/2006 03:01:00 PM 0 comments

 
On being laid out to pasture
Yesterday marked the 6 year anniversary of my employment with my current company. Nothing earth-shattering to report. I got bumped up to another rung of vacation time accrual, which is nice, and couldn't come at a better time. But mainly, though I'm only 30, I feel much much older.
- posted by Connie @ 9/29/2006 12:24:00 PM 0 comments

 
Not quasicrazy...nope, this one's all-out crazy

I saw this last week on MadTV and just about died laughing. I hope you enjoy it, too.
- posted by Connie @ 9/21/2006 05:34:00 PM 1 comments

 
I have a parasite. And it's growing.


I wish I could tell you that this is a glamorous tale of Terry the Tapeworm, but my parasite is more like the shape and size of a jumbo shrimp. It is a mini-me. Well, a mini-me and mini-Eugene. What I'm trying to say is: we're going to be parents in March!

Granted, it was a little ahead of schedule of the life plan, but we're making all the necessary changes to welcome Stewie (no, that is not its name nor is it any indication of gender -- more a way of describing how much pain the fetus causes me through nausea, etc, à la Stewie to Lois) into this crazy world.

Major milestones: Officially entered 2nd trimester. Fetal heartbeat very audible, strong and fast. Nausea subsided greatly. No cravings yet. Way fatter than I need to be or should be.

I'm not enjoying pregnancy, in fact it's fair to say that I hate being pregnant. Please don't confuse this with me hating the baby because obviously that's not what I'm saying. Food doesn't taste good to me anymore. For a month, I couldn't look at, touch, smell, or think about meat. Yuck. And even now, while I'm not nauseated, I still look at food as a chore, not something that is savory or scrumptious. It's like I have no taste buds, but must still eat to survive. I'm narcoleptic. No kidding. I pass out every day at work at about 2pm. I can't do anything anymore. I tried to go see the musical Urinetown last Thursday and passed out after intermission. Ask Herm. His poor shoulder bore all the weight of my head through the whole 2nd half. I haven't drank coffee in 3 months. IN THREE MONTHS. None of my old clothes fit me, and I'm constantly shopping for more clothes that my fat ass can fit inside. I pee constantly. I have to wake up 3 times in the middle of the night to relieve myself and it's still not good enough. If that isn't enough to keep me from a good night's sleep, I have vivid dreams. I mean REALLY VIVID dreams. They are sometimes very intense, nerve-wracking, and anxiety-driven. I wake up stiff and freaked out. Usually I would enjoy having crazy dreams, but not now, when I really want to sleep continuously for 8 hours. I can't drink, but Eugene lets me have sips of his wine, beer, port, or even scotch while we're out eating. He allows sips of alcohol but forbids coffee. I says to him, "any doctor would think you are insane for not doing the OPPOSITE." He says, "All I know is that when I drink, I'm okay, but I have one cup of coffee and that shit fucks me up!" Fair enough. Whatever. There is a scene in Gilmore Girls where Lorelai always hops into Rory's bed on her birthday (around midnight) and regales her with literally a play-by-play of the night she went into labor, starting with the minute it started, and not ending until every last detail is covered (it is an annual tradition). I plan to have something similar with Stewie, except it'll be one week long, and we'll only cover the pregnancy gripes. Happy preggo women can go fuck themselves.

The only thing that keeps me going is thinking about what features the baby will have. I hope it gets Farm Boy's fingers (mine are short like carneys'). I hope it has a blue butt. I hope it has a long body like his. I hope it has his skin. And I hope it has my charming personality. ha ha.

When my ob's assistant asked me what the ethnicity of both parents were (for this form she was filling out), she marveled that a 100% Korean baby is getting rarer by the day. I believe it.

Between you and me, though, I think I'm going to give birth to a pizza, which would still be cute.
- posted by Connie @ 9/20/2006 04:15:00 PM 3 comments

 
Honky Tonk Girl
The most interesting thing that I've discovered during my blogging hiatus (yes, I really am this boring): Josh Hartnett is the younger version of Tommy Lee Jones. Those with a good eye for these things could probably have seen this resemblance already, but I had to see 'Coal Miner's Daughter' to see the connection. I wish I knew about that movie sooner. And I really would never have known about it at all were it not for a very lazy day in which I meandered over to enough junk web sites to land me onto a really great one...one of AFI's many lists. This one is "100 Years...100 Cheers: 100 Most Inspiring Films Of All Time." And Coal Miner's Daughter is number 70. What possessed me to explore #70 first I'll never know. This is the extraordinary story of Loretta Lynn. And I'm just amazed at the triple threat that the actress who portrayed her (Sissy Spacek) was: 1) Uncanny physical resemblance, 2) Impressive acting, 3) Did her own singing, and her voice was amazing.

There are so many great and artful films and moments in film that happened before my generation's time. Things are so new and newfangled and so very "now" that I worry that a lot of cultural gems and references will pass me by. I'm glad this one didn't.
- posted by Connie @ 9/19/2006 08:11:00 PM 0 comments

 
No way that I'm the first one to ponder this
Why is it that Hostess Chocolate Cupcakes (the ones with the squiggly white ribbon of frosting) are always so dry and flavorless, and Ding Dongs (the chocolate covered hockey puck shaped ones) are consistently moist and yummy? Every once in a while, that ribbon sucks me in, and I'm filled with regret. But today, I went back to the old tried-n-true, understated, underappreciated Ding Dong and it was a little party in my mouth.
- posted by Connie @ 8/17/2006 02:56:00 PM 2 comments

 
Being married is awesome
Or so I'm forced to assume, purely from the point of view of an outside observer, and of one who loves gadgets.

Consider these 2 examples of close friends of mine who USED their poor spouses to advance their own acquisition of exotic gadgets. To think, the victimized spouses DIDN'T EVEN MIND!!! See? Being married must be fucking great!!!

1. Subject: John
He is the resident luddite here at work. He hasn't had a cell phone in all of the 6 years that I had worked with him. Finally he caves last month and buys one, because his new role at work has made it almost impossible to work without a phone. He goes to Costco and buys 2 RAZR's, one for himself and one for his wife. (The birth of either of his kids was not reason enough to get even an emergency cell phone; suddenly now he has a freakin RAZR.)

We all congratulate him, probably even more heartily than when he announced the birth of his kids, and all was well. For a week anyway. I get a text message from a mutual coworker who was travelling with John at the time, and he reports that he lost his cell phone. ALREADY. So, he asks if I've got a spare junky Verizon phone lying around that he can use. And I do. So I arrange for him to get this phone when he gets back from his business trip. I see him the following Monday, and give him the phone. Come the following day, he comes into work with a RAZR. Huh? He goes, "oh, that phone you gave me was for ::wife::, and she gave me her RAZR." More like you took it from her, and she didn't mind. Either way, my mind was blown away at how easy it was for him to get access to a RAZR so quickly after having lost one.

2. Subject: Nou
Not a luddite, but was in need of a new phone. I suggested a RAZR, and she had been considering it already. I told her all the reasons why I want to dry hump my phone, so she considered it even harder. So, she shops online a bit, considers her options, wondering how she will acquire this phone when her contract still has about 6 more months to go. Then she notices that her husband's account (which is linked to hers, but does not mirror her account features) is out of contract, so he's due for a new phone whenever he wants. Her husband, not being a gadget freak and could probably hold onto a phone for 10 years and not even notice, was none the wiser and could have cared less if he did know what she was up to. 7 clicks later, she's able to arrange to receive the phone as his new phone and then just map the new phone to her old number, and she's on her way to RAZR bliss.

If/when I ever get married, my expectations for gadget acquisition and/or replacement are so high that I better not get disappointed!! I'll consider you two personally responsible!
- posted by Connie @ 8/09/2006 07:37:00 AM 1 comments

 
You'll find me in the dictionary under "broke down"
About 4 months ago, I finally got my hands on a RAZR phone (V3c, put out by Verizon Wireless). I didn't think that would happen, but with the urging of certain technophiles who are determined to keep me poor, my interest was kindled, then the full-blown obsession began, developed, and terminated in the acquisition of one fine specimen.

All of my earlier gripes of the Verizon UI takeover (link) have become very real for me. What I hadn't anticipated was how much of a memory hog it would be. It makes the response time for all inputs painfully slow and it makes the otherwise elegant phone quite a dog. Even if you don't consider the input to recognition time, it takes a long time to "think" about any given function. Once you send a text message, it takes quite a long time for the phone to return to standby, for example. If you want to go to camera mode, it takes a helluva long time for it to get to picture-taking ready state. God forbid you have to save a photo in between shots; you can say goodbye to your second photo subject matter because by the time it gets to the right state, the action will have long since passed.

With the help of Steve, my phone was flashed to an earlier firmware version that for some reason slipped through the greedy little asscracks of Verizon Wireless, and was released with full, uncrippled Bluetooth functionality. My phone came with version .03, while the version it now has is .02. (I upgraded the firmware to .04, which, if you started off with full Bluetooth functionality, the updated firmware did not much with it, so, whew! The change was very subtle but there is an ever so slight performance improvement.) I still have yet to try PIM and DUN, but OBEX file transfers are so freakin sweet, and my new Plantronics Discovery 640 works like a charm when paired with this RAZR. (I've since sold the Plantronics Discovery, not because the device itself sucks, but because bluetooth headsets in general suck. There is a LONG way to go before they can become a true replacement for corded headsets. Too much background noise, too much echoing for the other person...issues, man.)

I also bought a knockoff of the Hulger, but unfortunately the adapter didn't work with my phone, and they are hard to come by. I finally found a 2.5mm to EMU adapter, but that connection was really weak. The quality of sound degraded so badly that it wasn't worth it. Now, I'm stuck between having to choose a bluetooth (read: sucky) headset, or using an adapter for existing corded headsets (read: sucky). How to choose?

The phone itself is a beauty, I have to admit. I find it sexier than I had even imagined I would, though oddly I've seen it so many times in pictures and in the flesh. I guess it's different once it's all mine. The way that it fits so streamlined in my pockets is something I didn't realize I would appreciate to this degree and, funnily enough, would now require of any future phone that has the privilege of being owned by yours truly.

Functionally, as a phone, it works very well. All sounds are clear, in both directions, and it's surprisingly comfortable to hold and use. The software could use some help, but I'm sure it has to do with the sloppy integration of two completely different UIs.

I think at this point, the only thing I wish I could have is a reliable hands-free solution. Good thing I don't chat much on the phone or this would be a terrible nuisance to live with. When you see my RAZR-shaped tumor on the side of my cheek, you'll know I've pretty much given up the fight.
- posted by Connie @ 8/08/2006 03:27:00 PM 0 comments

 
Sometimes I wish...
...that there would be this odd evolutionary reversal, and we'd get our tails back. Yeah, that's right, just start growing right back out of our tailbones. I look at cats' tails and especially dogs' tails with nothing but wonder and envy, fascinated by the variations of its displays, and mesmerized by the implications of what they are feeling based on these.

How cool would it be if people could just tell that we were scared, upset, angry, annoyed, or just sheepish, based on the condition and display of our tail? There would be no need to talk about these things, and people could just have this keen sense of awareness and compassion and just know, beyond intuition, using the evidence of our tails' displays, exactly when we needed to be silently comforted, or just left alone, or needed cheering up. Sometimes we need a way to wordlessly display our emotions more than to find a way to talk about it, and all too often, we can't even really find adequate ways to describe how we are feeling, but the tail...the tail tells all, and the tail never lies.

Prehensile functionality would not be required, but sure would be an added bonus so that I can still hold my book while grabbing on to a support rail on BART with my tail. Ah, if only...
- posted by Connie @ 7/13/2006 10:49:00 AM 3 comments

 
Shockingly, still good enough for some
It still alarms me to this day how many people are willing to put up with how shitty Cingular service is. As a Verizon customer, it annoys me to talk to Cingular customers who snd lk ths al th tm (and that's on a good day). The dropped calls still plague most customers, and I personally find it irritating to try to have conversations with them (and it's always so obvious when you're talking to a Cingular customer). In this day and age, many people use their cell phones as their primary communication tool, and the degree to which some people will pay for and put up with EXTREMELY sub-par service is a mystery to me.

The disparity is so great and apparent to me that whenever I find out that someone is a Verizon customer, something about that choice reveals to me that that person does not put up with shitty service and it oddly makes me respect them more.

I never thought I'd say this, but I believe that Sprint has even surpassed Cingular in terms of quality.
- posted by Connie @ 7/11/2006 09:29:00 AM 4 comments

 
The irresistibility of the Dark Side
Yes, I saw Star Wars (Episodes IV, V and VI) for the first time over the past week. The first time. You read it correctly. Give me a break. I was 2 when the original came out. 5 when Empire came out. And 8 when Return of the Jedi came out (which I actually saw in the theatre with my dad, but hardly remember at all). There just wasn't ever a good time to sit down and watch them. A certain someone chastised me for loving Family Guy when a quarter of all of his references are Star Wars based...implied that I couldn't truly be a fan of Seth Macfarlane if I don't at least watch his life's inspiration. So there. I did it. Anyway, this is not the point of my post. I just mentioned it to legitimize my reference to the Dark Side in my title.

The Dark Side that I refer to is that I finally crossed over to the Dark Side of the PDA world. I bought, for the first time, a Pocket PC. I had been a firm believer in the Palm OS for about 5 years. I used the Palm Vx and the Tungsten E religiously until I could stand it no longer. Now my calendar refuses to sync, and I'm tired of reading message board suggestions that simply don't work. Interestingly, for a largely proprietary product like the Palm brand, it has always remained the cheapest option for PDA's in any given class. I was very surprised to see the very high pricing structure for the Pocket PC's I was most interested in (HP hx2495, and the Dell Axim x51v). I always saw Palm as the "Mac" of the PDA brands, but it does not share the same traits as Mac in terms of exclusivity and consequent price-gouging. Its similarities end with the usual compatibility issues. So, after getting over the reversal of expectations on prices, I finally bit the bait and today I purchased a Dell Axim x51v. When I receive it, I will write my review on it (after getting over the initial excitement).

Side note: I can't believe it's cheaper to buy this product just about anywhere other than Dell.com. What bastards.
- posted by Connie @ 7/10/2006 11:54:00 AM 3 comments

 
Hi Steve!
Even more options for the ever-tasty English Brekkie Tea Latte. Mmmm...



p.s. Embarcadero 4, next to the sunglasses shop.
- posted by Connie @ 7/07/2006 03:18:00 PM 0 comments

 
Actual conversation had with Herm at 7:17pm
Connie: I'm thinking about joining a gym...again.
Herm: The thing about joining a gym is that you have to have a workout partner to motivate you. That's the secret - otherwise your membership is pointless.
Connie: True dat. But the thing is you can't have a workout partner be a friend, cuz you guys can talk each other out of it too easily. I'd say your best best is to find an activity partner on craigslist so that you can at least start with that "courtesty toward strangers" approach and at least get your ass out to the gym a couple of times to be polite.
Herm: I totally tried that once, craigslist, for activity partners.
Connie: Really?
Herm: Yeah, but it didn't work. No one wanted to be part of my circle jerk.
- posted by Connie @ 7/06/2006 08:46:00 PM 3 comments

 
Disturbed
Never have I dreaded the process of getting older more than the fact that more than ever before in my life, I can't pass a middle-aged man who does not flash me a lecherous smile. I could be anywhere -- in a library, in a store, walking by the stopsign of the corner of my street -- and if there is a middle-aged (usually white) man there, waiting, or also walking by, when they do look over and decide to smile, there's something about it that feels very "I won't tell my wife if you won't" or "Five dolla to make me holla" about it. I'm getting paranoid in my old age.
- posted by Connie @ 6/29/2006 07:01:00 PM 1 comments

 
Browsing to a new tune...until the song ends
So I used to be the big Mozilla Firefox evangelizer...I don't know that I've given up completely, but it's fair to say I'm annoyed enough to the point where I use IE more frequently these days than I have in a long time.

Enough already with no default extensions and plug-ins to do things that I need right away (security be damned, I'm tired of it already), and most irritatingly, what a memory hog!! It has crashed on my machine more than a few times, and I simply can't abide such frequent acts of suckiness! And why won't it handle pdf's gracefully?

Today, I was introduced to Maxthon (thanks Owen!), and it's "a tabbed version of IE that is being used extensively in China...[and is] not as much of a memory hog as Firefox, yet is fairly equal with features."

While still on my initial test drive, I have to say it's a very small app, and is very, very nimble. I feel like I'm walking on air compared to browsing on Firefox or Internet Explorer. Wheeeee! Happy again. It's all too fleeting though, much like pharmaceuticals. This is the latest 'it' drug to resolve this situation until it gets sucky once again, and I must resort to the next latest drug (read: Stay tuned for my inevitable list of grievances on this in a month or so.)
- posted by Connie @ 6/26/2006 02:33:00 PM 1 comments

 
Losing (only) my dinner
I never drank much while growing up. By growing up, I mean between the years of 17 and 30. I had full access to any brand alcohol from the year I was born til I was 15, and had overly trusting parents (at least when it came to their inventory of goods) who ran the store that housed this alcohol; yet, I was never tempted, not even once, to take any contraband liquor. Do I regret it? Not really. So then college happens. Sure I drank some. But not really that often, and not much each time. So then my 20's happened. Still not much desire to drink, but I sensed that I was gaining a tiny bit of traction each year. Then my late 20's happened. By then, I was drinking socially, but no more than 2 or 3 drinks each time.

So, here we are now, at the ripe age of 30, by which time most people will have had their behavior solidly shaped by years of hard-learned experience replete with errors in judgment. "Sure, I can have another drink", they thought at 22, and now they know better. Me? Well, I'm a little challenged because I was so late to bloom into this whole drinking lifestyle that I am but a mere novice in a world of experts.

But, I have learned some things thus far. I cannot have more than 3 drinks in any 3-hour period. If I have 5 drinks in the same period of time, I will surely have a second sighting of my dinner. I will also do very stupid things, like dance with unknown men in dark rooms, knowingly yet unknowingly (it made sense at the time, but didn't) in front of a boyfriend whom I love very much. I will get chastised by said boyfriend for disrespecting him, and I will deserve it. I will completely lose all sense of time, space, judgment, quantity, as well as the entire contents of my stomach. I will also lose any meaningful portion of a semblance of productivity the following day, including appointments that meant something to me (Sorry, Noudle). The reality of my stupidity, and how close I come to losing important things that really matter make me think that I really need to either take lessons on "Strategic Thinking While Drinking: How to Not Lose Things and People that are Important to You, like The Love of Your Life, and Your Dinner", or stop altogether. I'm grateful that, until I attend that seminar, I have very understanding people in my life.
- posted by Connie @ 6/26/2006 11:42:00 AM 2 comments

 
An open letter to you blood-sucking bastards
Dear Mosquitoes:

Yes, I have sweet blood. Yes, I know you want some. But here's the thing, see? For like 20 seconds of your sucking pleasure, I have to bear the discomfort of a minimum of 4 days of constant itching. Sometimes, it swells up to the size of something that makes it look like half of a baseball is trying to come out from under my skin.

I've resorted to this. I'm going to ask you if it's ok if I draw my own blood every day, and leave it in a cup next to me. Can you sip from there? I don't mind losing the blood; I just don't want direct skin contact. I'll even use a cupwarmer so that it'll be all 98.6 degrees n stuff -- just the way you like. Deal?

Love,
Connie
- posted by Connie @ 6/23/2006 02:38:00 PM 1 comments

 
Never again!
Consider this our breakup. Fuck you Google Directions. FUCK FUCK FUCK YOU. Fuck you for telling me each and every goddamn time I want to go to South Bay that I need to take the 580 to the 238 to the 880. Fuck you for making me cross the San Mateo Bridge when I need to get to Cuper-fucking-tino. From Oakland!!! Fuck you for telling me to go 9 miles north from Foster City when I need to get to Cuper-fucking-tino. Fuck you for telling me to go to some random dude's driveway of a cul-de-sac in Rancho Cordova when I'm trying to get to a city-owned park in the same city...3 miles away on the other side of the fucking freeway. Fuck you. I hate yahoo and I mildly dislike mapquest, but I would rather go down on either one of those fucknuts than to use your sorry sorry sorry excuse for directions EVER AGAIN. Your maps, I'll admit, are a'ight (okay, fine, they're THE SHIT), but I will not get screwed by your directions again.

Goddamnit I hate you so much that you made me lift my blogging embargo!
- posted by Connie @ 6/22/2006 05:12:00 PM 1 comments

 
Taking a break
To be in love. There's just nothing to complain about. Everything's coming up roses. Found my corresponding shapes like puzzle pieces from the clay...the ones I wasn't even looking for. Will write more when I'm embittered and jaded.

That, and, goddamn, I'm just fuckin' tired from all that driving!!! Among other things... ;)
- posted by Connie @ 5/26/2006 03:07:00 PM 1 comments

 
Actual sms conversation between sisters, one on toilet
Background
Fact #1: I'm going to L.A. this weekend to see my folks and my sister.
Fact #2: My sister is considerably healthier than me.

Won't you please enjoy our text message conversation that just occurred with me on the toilet and her 375 miles away?

Connie: [9:48am] My poo is hard. Why won't he come out?! Need more fiber, damnit!
Jes: [9:51am] Don't worry, I'll feed you plenty of roughage. This weekend you'll have poo coming out of your ears.
- posted by Connie @ 5/16/2006 09:56:00 AM 1 comments

 
Can you guess who ate glue as a kid?


Photo taken, believe it or not, with a camera phone.
- posted by Connie @ 5/09/2006 03:47:00 PM 0 comments

 
Having some Googular fun
Paul Feng, my friend who works at this place called Google, just a small, obscure company, you might've heard of them, was having a little fun with AdSense (their targeted advertising engine), and made this happen to google searches when you typed either "connie chun" or "connie". Check out the right column of ads. Second link. hee.



Sadly, it hasn't yielded more interesting readers/commenters, but it still makes me chuckle when I look at it.
- posted by Connie @ 4/23/2006 09:35:00 AM 2 comments

 
What I sms'd to my sister during Howl's Moving Castle
My sister and I are HUGE Hayao Miyazaki fans. It is fair to say that I count Spirited Away as one of my favorite movies of all time, and Princess Mononoke was also very good. My sis urged me to rent Howl's Moving Castle. I found it to be enchanting and magical in typical Miyazaki fashion with very endearing characters and breathtaking scenery and music, but I found the plot to be sorely lacking, and then it just hurriedly fell apart in the end to fit neatly into 2 hours.

Regardless, I did enjoy it...however, in the middle of the movie, I text messaged her twice. Once to say: "I love when Markl puts on that beard. What a cutie! Tee hee!" And finally to say: "Okay, so...Howl is gay, right?"

Can I get an amen? I mean, did you see the way he stands? It's freakin Carson Kressley. He's the red cheetos. He's as straight as Lombard.
- posted by Connie @ 4/22/2006 09:17:00 AM 0 comments

 
LOST in San Francisco
My coworker buddy Nate Kumar (the one with the classy shirt on) saw Jin (Daniel Dae Kim) from LOST at 111 Minna, at an afterparty for a film at the Asian American Film Festival on St. Patrick's Day. Nate's friend's friend took the pic, even with a good camera, but the pic somehow didn't come out that great, but you can still tell it's him. Sweet!


- posted by Connie @ 4/21/2006 07:25:00 AM 0 comments

 
Craigslist circa 1992, why, yes, around the time of Hermin's prom
-----Original Message-----
From: Connie Chun
Sent: Wednesday, April 19, 2006 10:17 AM
To: Nate Kumar; Nayan Desai; Sonny Fitch; John Wu
Cc: Hermin Lalefar
Subject: craigslist circa 1992

If they had craigslist 14 years ago, Herm's mom might've written this:

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phi/147264786.html

-----Original Message-----
From: Nate Kumar
Sent: Wednesday, April 19, 2006 11:33 AM
To: Connie Chun; Nayan Desai; Sonny Fitch; John Wu
Cc: Hermin Lalefar
Subject: RE: craigslist circa 1992

sheyat even I'd go to with him for $500-$800. who dares me to respond to it..

-----Original Message-----
From: Sonny Fitch
Sent: Wednesday, April 19, 2006 11:36 AM
To: Nate Kumar; Connie Chun; Nayan Desai; John Wu
Cc: Hermin Lalefar
Subject: RE: craigslist circa 1992

Well...minus my Agent fee of 15% , you’ll get $680.
- posted by Connie @ 4/20/2006 10:17:00 AM 2 comments

 
Herman vs Hermin: A Fight I'd Pay to See
First, a cute pic of Herman, the giant rabbit:



Then an im conversation:
Herm: http://news.bbc.co.uk/cbbcnews/hi/newsid_4670000/newsid_4676900/4676904.stm
Herm: hahhahaha click the pic
Connie: daaaaaaaaang
Connie: Hmmm, herman...coinkydink that he's the biggest rabbit...
Connie: and you, hermin... the biggest human under 5'7"
Herm: H8 U
- posted by Connie @ 4/19/2006 01:12:00 PM 1 comments

 
My Overexposure
The debut of the photo sharing software I finally decided on is upon us. I know I make it sound like I had a 327-point battery of tests that I had applied to every known photo-sharing software out there, but really, I didn't. This one actually found me, due to the generosity and ingenuity of Stephen Lau, who uses Gallery, the open source web based photo album organizer. When I first took a test drive of his site, I found that it really spoke to me on a really truly deeply geeky, sophisticated-yet-pragmatic level and met all of my expectations: it was free. hee. Okay, no, though I like free, this one actually is very good, and I would pay for it, honestly. Just off the top of my head, you can view pics at original-res, NO LOGIN is necessary to VIEW pics (fer chrissakes!), you can comment without much trouble, and it's fast fast fast easy peasy uploading of massive numerous files. An added bonus is that I can put ginormous video files up there, too! Oh, and the owner does pretty cool updates in a pretty timely manner too, and is always very responsive with requests and general bitching, though I haven't had to resort to it.

Anypoo, here it is, the Connie Gallery, hosted by grommit: http://grommit.com/gallery/v/connie/

I plan to add more albums when the laziness lifts, but until then, enjoy a snapshot or two on me.
- posted by Connie @ 4/18/2006 10:07:00 AM 0 comments

 
Zach Braff is a musical god
Does he write music? I don't know. Is he a wicked lyricist? I haven't a clue. But does he know a lot of good songs and how to fit them perfectly into everything he does? Abso-fuckin-lutely. The Garden State soundtrack is proof of this. But when last week's Scrubs episode (does he do the soundtrack arrangements for Scrubs, too? I'll just go ahead and believe that he does, thank you) about the fuck-up brother ended with at least 60 seconds of Ben Folds's "Still Fighting It", Zach Braff hit a homer once again. Facken genius.
- posted by Connie @ 4/16/2006 08:32:00 PM 0 comments

 
Kiehl's empty bottle promotion
Love 'em or hate 'em, a deal's a deal. If you bring in 3 empty bottles of any size of any product of Kiehl's into their stores (one in Berkeley on 4th street, and one in San Francisco on Fillmore), you get any product for free. ANY. PRODUCT. FOR. FREE. If you don't have any empties (I think I have 4 since I'm averse to throwing anything away), it still works out for you to buy the smallest size of the Ultra Moisturizer x 3, transfer into a larger bottle, turn in the 3 empties, and then get yourself an Abyssine Eye Cream. Awesome. Now if only Murad and N.V. Perricone would do this...and Chanel for their Glossimers...

Good thru June 30th.
- posted by Connie @ 4/13/2006 10:46:00 AM 1 comments

 
An im monologue that occurred this afternoon at work
Herm: i have detained a foreign national that was hiding in my nose. Trial is pending....looks like he'll get flung back to where he came from
- posted by Connie @ 4/12/2006 04:42:00 PM 0 comments

 
To an extraordinary man 1911 - 2006
Today's blog entry is dedicated to my grandfather, my mother's father, a stern man, a wicked tough man who just wouldn't quit, though you'd have never thought it to look at him. One of his favorite memories to recount to anyone who'd listen was of the Korean war, a time during which his own countrymen would have left him for dead, but the Americans, he'd beam, the Americans scooped up his frail body and drove him in their truck to the hospital. The rest of the family would wonder what happened until they finally got reunited with him, and from that day forward, he would recall the heroes that helped him. The American GI doctor from Harvard introduced him to crutches, before which time he was bedridden for almost 7 years due to tuberculosis in his hip joint. This condition atrophied all of the upper muscles of one leg, leaving it permanently bent and hovering above the ground, useless for balance or strength. I'd never known him without these crutches, but I never recall it handicapping his spirit, strength, or speed. I also never knew until recently that these crutches, a symbol to most of being less than whole, crippled, was in fact his new lease on life, a symbol of his freedom. It made him whole again. He left behind a life where, as a "cripple", he was treated worse than a beggar. If he went into a store, or was anywhere outside, money or saliva would be thrown at him. As recently as 5 years ago, he told my mother how grateful he was to her for bringing him to the United States - a place he called "heaven", as the handicapped are so respected here that he thought he was dreaming. All he hoped for was a chance at a different life, not necessarily better. What he got was more than he could have ever imagined, and he blossomed. He was unrelenting in his pursuit for knowledge whether the topic was language, religion, medicine, and he had a penchant for Chinese calligraphy (and quite gifted at it). His unfailing faith in God kept him going to church until he could no longer physically attend. His long, heartfelt prayers that I dreaded as a child (they were always spoken in Korean, and felt an hour long -- in truth it was closer to 5-7 minutes) practically ended in tears for him every time, so earnest was his call to God. Even as he lived out the rest of his days at the convalescent home, the nurses adored him and told my parents that he was the least difficult resident, and would always remark on his alertness and clarity. He would always claim it was the healthy diet of fish, rice and a small dose of sweetness (especially ice cream!) that kept him from the dementia and/or Alzheimer's that typically plagued his peers.

Still, there's just so much I didn't know about him, and never knew how to get to know, due to an impossible chasm of the language barrier, and most definitely a cultural abyss that neither of us knew how to traverse. I'd feel guilty that I wanted to hurry through my chat with him on the phone to get to the real chat with my grandmother, in order to spare myself the extra-long lecture that he would invariably give to stay away from drugs, sex, and gang members. His only contact with any current issues that he believed had anything to do with my sister or me was the L.A. evening news...made even narrower and, if possible, even more absurd, by the Korean media. Still, he tried to connect, an effort that I feel I didn't return in apparent terms, not for lack of desire to, but, ultimately, still regrettable.

On Saturday morning, April 8, 2006, just after 5am, he passed away due to complications with pneumonia that he was just recovering from. He was already at the hospital, and had been for a week. Of course at his age it was expected that he wasn't going to live for very much longer in general, but it was definitely surprising to all that he died so unexpectedly the moment and place that he did, already and clearly out of the woods from the illness that put him there. He had been visited numerous times at the home, and especially at the hospital for this particular condition; even my grandmother had the sixth sense to visit him every day of his (unbeknownst to her) final week at the hospital, but no one was there when he took his last breath. What a horrible way to die, alone, and without family surrounding him the way he deserved. I think we all thought that. Today, we buried him on what would have been his 95th birthday at Rose Hills, in Whittier, California surrounded by everyone that he didn't get to see just 3 days before. Whether due to a fish diet or luck or faith, he lived 95 glorious years in Korea and in California, where he will be missed by this granddaughter, and many others who loved him.

If there's a heaven and I see you there, I hope we can have a nice, long chat someday in a language we both know, so I can tell you exactly what I think and feel, and learn what Mom means when she says that your heart was always so open and that as a father you really understood her, and mostly so that you can know in no uncertain terms how much I loved you.
- posted by Connie @ 4/11/2006 04:26:00 PM 2 comments

 
Life University
This weekend I came across a book called The Experts' Guide to 100 Things Everyone Should Know How to Do by Samantha Ettus. The title drew me in, and I found a lot of interesting things in there, and some not so interesting, but everyone knows a little about more than a few things, so naturally different people will get different things out of it. It's meant to be a mostly fun and only marginally practical book, with ideas like how to tell a joke, how to drive manual transmission, how to scramble eggs, etc.

Anyway, this is not a critical look at the book as a whole, but rather one particular chapter that really struck me. It indicated that everyone should know how to give and receive a compliment. It gave tips such as to be specific and to be genuine (meaning if a performance sucked, don't rave about how great it was because it's easy to spot phoniness - excellent advice) On the receiving a compliment, it said not to respond with "this thing? I threw it together in 2 minutes." or "what do you mean? I look like a cow!"

I'm glad that the book mentioned that, but I think it could have been taken a step further, and give advice on how to respond when someone takes your genuine compliment and shits all over it. I'm faced with this constantly. At one point, I resolved to basically tell someone, "yeah, you're right" the next time they pulled that bullshit on me. It is so rude on so many levels -- I mean, you compliment them, and then they are basically saying you're full of shit AND they create an awkward social situation for you. You get to deal with the awkwardness as if it's something you have the responsibility for fixing. Fuck that! Walk through this with me:

Me: "Wow, you look great!"
That person: "Are you kidding me? I look like a fat pig!"
Me: "yeah, you're right."

I think it would be great if they gave true life lesson tips and showed you how to effectively and graciously respond to that rarely thought about or discussed, yet painful, situation.
- posted by Connie @ 4/10/2006 02:19:00 PM 3 comments

 
Bee Kind
I was just struck today by this random thought: The bright green sticker that bears the words "Bee Kind - Rewind" will have no meaning to this and future generations of movie borrowers. Furthermore, I sure hope that whoever made up that clever phrasing had the foresight to branch out ahead of time and long ago consider other clever sayings to make into stickers and sell.
- posted by Connie @ 4/08/2006 08:11:00 PM 0 comments

 
I just want to eat his paws
And why would this be wrong? Wouldn't you???


- posted by Connie @ 4/05/2006 09:37:00 PM 2 comments

 
My perfect night: An oyster and black cod fantasy
Someone in a black mask throws a wad of cash right in my face. It's worth about 100 bucks. Tells me I have to spend all of it at Pearl Bar in Rockridge or else he'll kill me. He tells me I have to enjoy it, really enjoy it -- he can tell when people are faking it, he says. Before I can even say that this won't be a problem, he silences me by ordering me to share it with other people. I search frantically for people who have an oyster fetish, not just a passing fancy, but a true obsession, like mine. And black cod. I want black cod...I ache for black cod...sometimes I call my dad reminiscing about eating black cod, and I just know it will taste so exquisite with my dozen oysters, some of which will be of the hama hama variety. Where are these people who will do this with me? And why have I been reduced to fantasizing about food? I think I'm PMS-ing.

UPDATE: Fantasy fulfilled according to terms, and wicked good. Once you go black (cod), you don't go back! The hama hama and the wescott bay oysters are outstanding.

- posted by Connie @ 4/05/2006 04:07:00 PM 1 comments

 
Keep Sucking, says Uncle Sam and all those who profit from this whole mess
I finally finished my taxes on Sunday, after having sucked it up at Costco to pay the 32.99 for Deluxe TurboTax CD, something I've never done (the buying of that software in that format at that store, not the doing of taxes, which I've done too many times to count). When my taxes used to be super-easy, I used to use online stuff - I forget the name, but I'm sure free shit was involved. Then I had to use a guy. Then I used him again the next year, though I didn't necessarily need him that year. This year, I mos-def did NOT need him, so the sucking it up felt like something I could live with. And it was.

TurboTax itself was very gentle, coaxing and sweetly smooth-talking me through the foreplay, nothing too sudden, nothing too shocking, when push came to shove, I have to say I came out alright. Until the e-filing. $29.95 fee. Fine, I sighed, continuing the sucking up of any protest, and reasoning that I'm sure that there always has been an e-filing fee, I just never noticed. But THEN, it said there would be a $29.90 refund fee. Yes, a refund fee. Suddenly, the sucking seemed ludicrous. Oh, I get it. You get to borrow MY money, collecting all associated interest from it, and then you get to charge me to not only go through the process of getting it back, but the getting itself. Fuck you. I should charge you interest for acting as your bank for all of 2005, if anything, but seeing as I'm being really generous about it, how about you get rid of that refund fee! I know I speak as though it's the guv'ment that is responsible for that fee, which they're not in this specific case (it's Santa Barbara Bank & Trust * Cocksuckers who are charging the money as the facilitators of this direct deposit), but let's face it -- they're totally profiting from this whole dirty situation. What am I gonna do at that point -- reject the fee? Fuckers.
- posted by Connie @ 4/05/2006 02:42:00 PM 0 comments

 
Taking credit for funny fwds is a double-edged sword, as Herm learned the hard way
I know that you guys were not born yesterday and you understand that you read emails from the bottom up when there are forwards and replies involved, but I moved shit around so that you can read this in a more top-down fashion. To really appreciate this within context, Nayan hardly ever gets this sassy and Herm is a huge know-it-all.

> P----- N----- wrote:
>
> > From: "PN"
> > Subject: FYI
> > Date: Mon, 03 Apr 2006 12:29:28 -0700
> >
> > Amusing....
> >
> > Just thought you'd like to know...
> >
> > On Wednesday, at two minutes and three seconds
> > after
> > 1:00 in the morning,
> > the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06.
> >
> > That won't ever happen again.
> >
> > P-----

> -----Original Message-----
> From: Hermin Lalefar
> Sent: Monday, April 03, 2006 1:14 PM
> To: Connie Chun; Nate Kumar; Nayan Desai; John Wu; Guy Levy
> Subject: Fwd: FYI
>

On 4/3/06, Nayan Desai wrote:
>
> Well.....at least not until 2106.
>

On 4/3/06, Hermin Lalefar wrote:

> ah, um, thanks
>
> hahahahah
- posted by Connie @ 4/03/2006 09:24:00 PM 1 comments

 
The upgrade from choice to prime
Amazon must have known that I was far too tender and juicy to be considered a mere "choice" customer, so they've upgraded me to "prime" for 3 months on their dime starting today. Ahhhh, it felt so good to be recognized for the quality customer that I am, predictably tasty, not at all sinewy, and I look great on a bun. I didn't know how to adequately celebrate except by buying 3 things right away that will be delivered by Wednesday. It broke my online shopping embargo spell! It's so good to be back.
- posted by Connie @ 4/03/2006 09:13:00 PM 0 comments

 
Life after Arrested
Briefly: I just found George-Michael Bluth AND Maeby Fünke on Veronica Mars last night. And they fit in swimmingly. That makes 3 reasons to watch Veronica Mars (the third being that it actually is a pretty good show).
- posted by Connie @ 4/03/2006 10:13:00 AM 0 comments

 
Text messaging responsible for murders, avian flu, your tiny bonus check, and your misplaced keys
I swear to hell that nothing infuriates me more than this media-fueled paranoia claiming new technology being the culprit for crazy shit that is happening when, more often than not, they have very little to do with one another.

It's true that text messaging (aka sms, or 'short message service') on phones is creating something to be feared: people are becoming, if at all possible, even more ill-mannered in social situations, feeling that for the sake of a text message it's perfectly fine to halt all present real-life conversations to read and even respond to a text message. Beyond that, it takes extreme talent to text and drive, something I don't recommend to 99.999% of all bay area drivers. It's also expensive, creating quite a hazard for your wallet because there aren't very friendly pricing packages for texting. Not surprising, but it's something to be aware of. Also, it can cause repetitive stress injury. Removing tongue from cheek now...

Alright, so now that we've gotten past all those dangers, I don't get how it can be said that "Text messaging seen as a culprit" in the shooting death of a Berkeley parent during a party gone terribly awry. "It's extremely common for word to get around (via text message) when you have no idea whose house it is," said Kaila Harrell, a freshman at Berkeley High School. "Normally, it's no big deal. But if the wrong person finds out, it can all go bad."

Why do they blame text messaging? It's true that, at least on this side of the Pacific (and, come to think of it, this side of the Atlantic as well), sms is a relatively new phenomenon, but it's an extension of the cell phone. Personally, I believe that text messages have created a new dimension of communicating when talking can't or won't do -- such as when you can't hear at a concert but need to tell someone where to meet you, or you're trying to be polite inside a movie theatre or anywhere that is very, very quiet. (Note that I in no way said or implied that a movie theatre is considered a quiet place. *sigh*) The additional channel of communication that has been created by sms is worthy of respect in its own right, and I am very glad that it exists. But I don't believe that this Berkeley shooting victim was any less or more likely to get shot were sms not involved. Cell phones are useful for disseminating information quickly, and it's probably true that sms expedited it further, but to call out SMS specifically as a potential culprit for a senseless (and no less tragic than already is) murder is extremely misguided and will cause an association and correlation that is entirely unfair and utterly ridiculous.

Now, parents and other well-meaning but nevertheless ignorant and change-resistant people will blame text messaging as the root of all evil, and view those who text message as having some sort of disorder or engaging in something unsavory, and that doesn't bug me so much as the fact that they'd be doing it for all the wrong reasons. Those who sms are indeed engaging in something unsavory, but only insofar as it causes carpal tunnel, is expensive, and is making social morons of people.
- posted by Connie @ 4/02/2006 12:08:00 PM 0 comments

 
When a conversation about gadgets deteriorates into talk of Whitney Houston's crack habit
connie: uh oh
herm: ?
connie: i see that the canon SD600 is 285
connie: do i pay 30 more bucks for something even better?
connie: shit
herm: same size?
herm: look/feel?
connie: exact
connie: same
connie: size
connie: down to the mm
herm: oh hell yeah
connie: http://www.dpreview.com/reviews/compare_post.asp?method=sidebyside&cameras=canon_sd450%2Ccanon_sd600&show=all
connie: 15 GRAMS heavier
connie: which is nothing
herm: WHY!
connie: what
herm: do they still give 16mb cards with cameras!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
connie: hahhahaa it's craje
herm: it embarrasses me FOR THEM!
herm: hmmm
herm: tough one
connie: i know
connie: i'm completely overwhelmed
connie: by teh sheer amount of choice
connie: it's mind-boggling
connie: and actually rather annoying
herm: 600!!!
connie: get the SD600?
connie: is that what you are saying?
herm: i think
herm: price diff vs 450?
connie: 255 vs 285
herm: 600!
connie: eeeesh
connie: ok ok
connie: damnit
connie: it's so lame tho
connie: like a cop-out upgrade
connie: the SD600 from the SD450
connie: utterly pointless
connie: i want to boycott it out of principle
herm: no comment
connie: why?
herm: depreciation
connie: they look fucking identical
herm: yeah
connie: i swear, it doesn't make sense to me to pay the add'l 30
connie: fuckin a
herm: then don't
connie: but i'll do it
connie: i'll do it for the children
connie: i'll do it for the extra megapixel
connie: because
connie: i believe the megapixels are our future
connie: expand them well and let them snap the way
herm: oh God! i thought we laid that one to rest!
connie: you don't know the half of it
connie: i got so many whitney houston lyrics just waiting to be bastardized
connie: it's comin out of my pores like the crack cocaine seeping out of hers!
herm: why is it I can visualize that?
- posted by Connie @ 3/30/2006 05:37:00 PM 0 comments

 
Pussyfooting
Still haven't bought a goddamn thing online since January 19. I had the jitters for a bit during the full-blown withdrawals, but now I'm calm. But a curious thing happened. Now I am getting stage fright at the thought of buying something online. I got all ready to do it today, and now I can't. It's a very straightforward purchase. It's something I want and need, the price is right, the merchant reputable, the planets aligned. At one point I even had my credit card number memorized, but had to whip it out for today's almost-purchase, and for the life of me I can't get myself to click the purchase button. Who am I? What have I become? I'm so ashamed of being me right now. How does one lose her way so spectacularly?
- posted by Connie @ 3/29/2006 02:58:00 PM 2 comments

 
Oh, to have unclogged ears today, maybe I'd hear better
I so want to do this the next time I'm in Japan.

They so hit the nail right on the head. I have such fond memories of resting my head on my mom's lap while she cleaned out my ears. I'm so happy that, in spite of incredibly long hours working at the liquor store, she still found the time at night to participate with me in certain rituals that I now understand is very much a shared cultural phenomenon among most Asians, to the extent that I could read that article and say "I know that!" I could have fallen asleep while she swooshed out my ears, if she just had a steady hand...as it was, I'd cringe at times when she'd hit a wall with the ear-picker. Okay, so maybe she wasn't the gentlest ear cleaner in the world, but it still warms my heart to think of those days.
- posted by Connie @ 3/29/2006 10:11:00 AM 0 comments

 
The evolution of office-mankind would have to start here
You know what would make such a wonderful potential data point for the study of office-mankind, other than the yield from installing a surveillance camera by the bathroom sink? The yield from installing a surveillance camera near a water cooler. For water cooler talk? :: YAWN :: No, no one talks near our water coolers. I'm talking about watching who actually replaces the 5-gallon jugs of water and who dances around the whole jug-changing process like it's a delicate souffle in the oven, catching furtive glances at it, hoping its status will change until the right moment to revisit it would arrive, and then they're all over it like it's free money. Seriously, now, isn't it easier just to change the damn thing instead of playing this game of let's see at what point you can stop filling your cup/bottle so that no one can say that you didn't change the jug when you should have, and then wait around for an hour or so until the same 2 people who keep changing the jugs will do their thing, at which point you can finally fill your cup/bottle all the way to the top? I just want to know who these people are. I've already identified the 2 people within my company of ~200 headcount who actually do the jug-changing, so I just want to know who everyone else is. Because you're lazy, you're crazy, and you're really just a big baby in office casual clothing who never outgrew the need for an omnipresent mother constantly picking up after you.

Although I've verbally complained about and silently cursed over this issue many times before, I got the idea for writing about this very topic from Zombalaya, so this is dedicated to him.
- posted by Connie @ 3/28/2006 07:26:00 PM 2 comments

 
Ever notice...
...that whenever you send an email and set the priority level to "low", that it's a surefire way of getting people to read it ASAP?

I always use the flag appropriately, but I swear that people are just drawn to that sexy little downward-pointing blue arrow and all its mystique, as if we are telling this unassuming and almost pitiful little piece of email, "No, baby, don't sell yourself short. You're not really low priority, are you? How big of a waste of time could you *possibly* be. Well, let's just have a look, shall we?"

Don't test this theory on purpose, or don't go overboard, but next time you have a need to send something low priority, set that flag and see what happens!
- posted by Connie @ 3/28/2006 05:09:00 PM 0 comments

 
HELLO, My Name is...
I'd pay a million dollars to know what putting a Sharpie pen in my dog's paws to see what he'd put on his own name tag would bring about. Because it sure as shit is not "Sonny". It also is not: "Dumbass", "Fido", "Oh Shit (or Lil Shit)", "Stop it", "Baby", "Puppy", "Brown Bear", "Little One", "Scooby", "Newbie", "Boobie", "Bob", "Bill Clinton", "Paul Anka", "Engelbert Humperdinck", "Georgia", or "For the love of God". I won't get into the details of how frustrating beyond belief it is to have a dog who won't respond to his own name, but once any seemingly humorous aspects of this situation wane, you are left with the cold, hard fact that you have absolutely no way of guaranteeing his safety, never mind the serious obstacle in the bonding process that you should at least have some hope of establishing with any pet that you decide to bring into your home.

All that said, does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this increasingly crazymaking predicament? I always thought dog trainers were for things above and beyond the usual, like neato tricks. But to respond to your own name? When you're a 6 year old dog? Crikey.
- posted by Connie @ 3/27/2006 10:10:00 AM 5 comments

 
If you're dumb enough to fall for this, then maybe you inherited your house


Days before I was about to close my Citibank checking account, I got another compelling offer from the lovely marketing folks at that institution for yet another digital music player from Apple. The deal I had been suckered into for the past 12 months involved opening a checking account, keeping it active for 12 months with both direct deposit and paying 2 online bills per month off of it, and then I get a mini iPod within a few months. Easily done. I had the iPod in my hands for barely 10 minutes when it was sold to a coworker for a cool 185. No ebay fees, no hassles. It was worth it. Sure, I didn't need a second iPod, but I sure love getting cash and not really having to work for it. Though not horrible in any way, I'm still going to close my Citibank checking account because I don't need 2 checking accounts, and my love for First Republic Bank continues to be hot and strong, but that is not the point of this blog entry.

No, the reason I posted here is because I was very amused by this next offer I got. If I apply for a HELOC (Home Equity Line of Credit) and succeed, I will earn an iPod nano. Umm, are you fucking kidding me? When you take into consideration all the fees involved in opening a HELOC, not to mention the interest you'll be paying, you can probably pay for dozens of iPod nanos. Even if you were already in the market for a HELOC (and even a nano for that matter), it still probably wouldn't work out to a good deal because you wouldn't have the flexibility of choosing the institution that would offer you the best rate and closing fees. You'd be at the mercy of Citibank, and there is no worse position to be in than to be stuck at one institution. That would be like someone convincing you that there is only one Honda dealership in the whole country, and you believing it. Additionally, it would take very little effort for such an institution to pretend to offer you a good deal on the HELOC when they're really raping you, all the while rolling in the cost of the iPod nano into your closing fees. So you could really get double- or triple-fucked. So you either better really want that nano, or make sure you just don't really give a shit about your money.

The only reason I agreed to the first deal is because I really didn't lose any time or energy to fulfill my end of the bargain. Setting up my paycheck for direct deposit to fund 2 checking accounts took all of 3 minutes' worth of paperwork, and automating 2 payments per month effective for 12 months takes even less time. I lost five to six minutes of my life to gain 185 bucks, tax-free. Not too shabby. The next time you get an offer for something, do the math. It works every time. Once you're done doing the math, reward yourself for NOT falling for the scam by buying yourself a $250 music player and congratulate yourself for saving thousands of dollars in fees and interest.
- posted by Connie @ 3/20/2006 09:06:00 PM 2 comments

 
His bark is smaller than his bite, but I'll take it
I just got proof that Sonny can actually make a good watchdog. He wouldn't be able to protect me worth a damn, but he definitely made some noise when Thao knocked on the door earlier tonight. The curious thing is that it was because she knocked, rather than just coming on inside as she usually did (she's had possession of my keys all week and had entered this way throughout her stay), proving that the barking wasn't for the fact that someone who didn't live here was at the door. It was merely that there was knocking, at which he totally barked and went to the door. Ordinarily he barks for nothing. It was so crazy!!! I felt like I finally made a small connection -- one that makes him mine, however superficial it might seem to some. What an exciting new revelation and discovery of his personality. Perhaps he would have done this with anyone, or even with no one in the house, but I'm going to believe he did it to protect and warn me because any other explanation does not give me quite the warm 'n' fuzzies that this one does.
- posted by Connie @ 3/15/2006 10:07:00 PM 1 comments

 
Warning signs when the new hire talks*
Guy (that really is his name): So, when is our next holiday?
::pregnant pause::
John: Wow.
Connie: Well, that's never a good sign...

*to be fair, he really just wanted to know so that he could plan a trip, but where's the fun if you can't exploit words by leaving out context?
- posted by Connie @ 3/15/2006 04:57:00 PM 0 comments

 
Wallace could totally live here!
http://moon.google.com/

Oooh, and ahhh, and then zoom all the way in!

(Thanks Herm!)
- posted by Connie @ 3/14/2006 11:40:00 AM 1 comments

 
Sonny the Menace!
Special thanks to Amee, who endured minor bites from the bugger to get this adorable shirt on.


- posted by Connie @ 3/13/2006 01:24:00 PM 6 comments

 
I know I've complained before about having too keen a sense of smell, but this is ridiculous
I have this crazy head cold/flu-like/allergy "situation" that has rendered my nose absolutely useless. I am constantly congested, yet somehow manage to have a somewhat runny nose, along with sneezing, red/itchy/teary eyes, intense pressure in my head and sinuses (and accompanying headache), a dry and itchy feeling in my throat that will cause me to cough uncontrollably to complete exhaustion, and a strangely lingering sore throat that now feels more like a dull ache.

I'm never one to rush into taking non-recreational drugs for any little illness here and there, but for some reason, I was tired of fighting the good fight and decided to assault my system with loratadine and this crazy sudafed-like combo of generic drugs (acetaminophen, diphenhydramine HCl and phenylephrine HCl) so that I can at least no longer feel pressure or headache, and maybe breathe again through my nose.

So I've been taking this cocktail of drugs for about a day now, and I almost instantly felt relief from most of my symptoms. The weird thing is, though, that although my nasal passageways are completely clear and I can breathe in and out with my mouth closed, I still have no sense of smell, and a very diminished sense of taste (on top of just feeling very much like I'm on speed - which is just so not very comcastic). I just assumed that by taking these drugs, they would clear me up, which they did, but I also assumed that I'd get my sense of smell back. Perhaps this is why I don't usually bother with drugs; they tend to be either marginally effective, or completely unpredictable (at least based on my own [at times irrational] expectations). It is a very strange thing, I tell you, not having a sense of smell. Though I was relieved to not have it when I was passing by certain people over the past few days, I just feel very disconnected from my surroundings - the smell of fresh baked goods, the smell of my own perfume, the smell of early morning, the smell of fresh clothes, the smell of an irresistible man standing too close to you...

I hereby issue a formal apology for complaining about having too good a sense of smell and wishing instead I had a keener sense of hearing. I never knew how good I had it. Come back, ol'factory!!!
- posted by Connie @ 3/09/2006 11:20:00 AM 0 comments

 
Why won't cafes use Lactaid milk?
The taste of steamed soy milk folded into espresso has grown on me more than I ever thought would (depending on the soy milk brand), but it's still nothing compared to real milk. Every once in a long while, I'll take the masochistic plunge and order a real steamed milk espresso drink, savor it, and then basically sit close to the bathroom for the inevitable. Or I'll sit uncomfortably developing this unnatural bloated feeling and this strange feeling of gas that can't or won't escape. For HOURS upon hours. And it's...worth it, I guess. There's something about the texture of cow milk that is just not really reproducible using soy milk and there's just nothing anybody can do about it. But is there?

Umm, let's see...there are more cafes in San Francisco than there are vending machines in Tokyo (okay that's not really true, but sometimes it feels that way!) So why is it that I've never once seen a cafe that serves lactose-free milk (aka Lactaid brand milk) as an option? For those who have tried it, you'll know that lactase-added milk tastes funny. Kinda sweet in a not good way. But if you were to steam it and serve it with espresso and other yummy things, I'm pretty sure that the funky smell would be masked, and then you'll be left with all the wonderful properties of milk that makes it such a great partner with espresso. Everything but that crazy gas/bloated feeling for me, anyway.

It seems so simple, even as an experiment. It's not like these guys have to buy boatloads of it. Just try it for a month! Has anyone seen an establishment that offered lactose-free milk for espresso drinks? I've been clean for almost a year now, where I can say with pride that I no longer buy $3.75 soy vanilla lattes, but shit, I'd totally pay $3.75 for a lactaid vanilla latte!!!
- posted by Connie @ 3/08/2006 12:02:00 AM 1 comments

 
Actual im conversation about Ang, Oscar, China, Herm's inability to see me as an Asian
This was in regard to my complete and utter inability to understand how the Chinese media can take pride in Ang Lee's win, yet the government can censor not only his acceptance speech, but the ENTIRE MOVIE in China. It's banned. How do you talk about and openly praise someone for an accomplishment and not allow any part of it? Aren't they inviting extra curiosity and the whole forbidden fruit aspect?

Herm: so, with all that censoring...must have been a really short rebroadcasted speech
Connie: it's weird...i'd expect them to just not acknowledge it...but how do you censor something and then talk about it a lot?
Herm: i guess it's not for us to try to understand how the asians think
Connie: FU!
Herm: hahhahahha
- posted by Connie @ 3/07/2006 05:10:00 PM 0 comments

 
Greg the Bunny, adorable and creepy blah
Okay, so I finally got around to watching the entire series of Greg the Bunny and I have not laughed this hard in a long time. It's different from Family Guy (umm, no known relationship between FG and GtB except maybe the FOX connection -- only mentioned it because FG too makes me laugh so), but the laughter comes from a similar place. Seth Green is awesome, Eugene Levy does what nobody else can pull off, and Sarah Silverman is...ah, well, she's one of my girl-crushes anyway, so she can really do no wrong. But Greg...doood. He was so fucking cute with buttons for eyes, and then on the 2nd disc (starting with...episode 7?) he gets glass eyes. Wha? Why? Why would they do this?? How can you go from being edibly adorable to impossibly creepy in 2 keystrokes of a DVD player remote?
- posted by Connie @ 3/06/2006 09:05:00 PM 3 comments

 
I'm nearly fed up with Verizon Wireless
Please...help me. I'm feeling very weak. I'm seriously considering cutting out of my contract and going to greener pastures. I'm getting very close. Ay, what am I doing? What am I saying??? I'd always been such the diehard Verizon customer, but now I'm beginning to see that the negatives are possibly outweighing the positives.

I think possibly the last straw for me was when I got to play with my friend's new RAZR v3c (Verizon's RAZR offering). I had made peace with the fact that it had no expandable memory module, but the camel's back broke when I saw that the user interface (UI) was the same neutered version that Verizon is forcing all their suppliers to conform to. One of the many reasons why I love Motorola phones is the ability to configure and customize the UI in many different ways; now the UI is the same as any ol' LG or Samsung in the Verizon lineup. What gives? It had already been bad enough that they won't support any Bluetooth profiles beyond headset (c'mon, the headset is not the end-all be-all of bluetooth functionality -- not by a longshot!) and, truth be told, I feel like I'm missing out on a pretty cool way of doing things by having crippled Bluetooth functionality. It's just not right. I'm paying top dollar for my hardware and service, and there's no reason why I should have to compromise this heavily.

The fact remains that while Cingular service may not be super-dooper excellent, at least you have so many choices among GSM phones -- not only the phones that are offered here, but also phones overseas. Plus, this way, if I ever return to Akihabara, I can actually do some serious phone shopping (or at least consider it).

I still have more research and thinking to do, so I haven't made up my mind yet. But I tell ya, the contract termination fee is playing no part in my decision. I would happily pay that amount to get the latest and greatest hardware, and to be able to use it to the fullest of its abilities. And when I get a Motorola phone, I want the native UI, goddamnit! Why should that be the stuff of fantasies? Rediculous!
- posted by Connie @ 3/04/2006 10:54:00 AM 2 comments

 
I have not bought anything on Amazon since January 19th
Big deal, you say? Just to give you an idea of what happened prior to January 19th, here is my order history looking back to November.

January 19, 2006
January 17, 2006
January 11, 2006
January 5, 2006
December 28, 2005
December 17, 2005
December 8, 2005
December 7, 2005
November 28, 2005
November 21, 2005
NOvember 14, 2005
November 11, 2005

This ranges in per-order amounts as small as 15.61 (Hayne's Automotive Repair Manual for Honda Accord '98 - '02) and 269.99 (factory reconditioned Dyson DC07 upright vacuum).

Granted, I did have amazon prime membership at the time, but having said that, I still have access to such a service through the kindness of several friends and their willingness to share. I don't know wassamatta with me. I just haven't had the shopping bug in a while, I guess. Maybe I'm coming down with something.
- posted by Connie @ 3/03/2006 09:43:00 AM 4 comments

 
Rory (the Gilmore), Emily (not the Gilmore), and Veronica (and Wendy!)
After having seen Emily Mortimer in the movie Dear Frankie, I can now say with utter conviction that I believe that Alexis Bledel (Rory from Gilmore Girls) has all the potential in the world to become half the actress that Emily Mortimer is. They both have this charming cuteness that appeals to a wider audience. Not gorgeous, not even beautiful, but cute and not in a necessarily annoying way. Done correctly, they can exude inner strength. Emily just does it better. Way better. Alexis needs to step up to the plate, because she is just becoming this awkward, clumsy thing that just talks too fast, rather than developing into something greater. She could be doomed to forever remain Rory plus a few years. She is even becoming less impressive on the show that made her famous as the episodes drag on.

On another semi-related note, loosely strung together by once-good or still-good television, I finally figured out (and this was killing me) who Veronica Mars reminds me of, and now I know. Wendy Liao is totally the Asian version of Veronica Mars!!! (and I mean that as a compliment!)
- posted by Connie @ 2/28/2006 11:22:00 AM 2 comments

 
The Rise and Fall of my Amazon Prime membership
So Hermin had this offer for a free trial of about 4 months of Amazon Prime membership. Amazon Prime, for those who don't know, is a $79/year program that allows you to get 2-day shipping for free, and next-day shipping for only $3.99 per item. When I had first heard of this program, which I believe started sometime early or mid 2005, I was wildly excited about it, but only in concept, meaning that I wouldn't shell out the 79 bucks for it. So when Herm got this free trial offer, the offer allowed for inviting 3 other people to try it, piggy backed off of his account.

I didn't realize until I used it for 3 months how great Amazon Prime really is!! I had a bunch of coworkers buy stuff through my account to squeeze as much value out of this as possible. However, my initial gut feeling remained true, for today is the last day of the offer, and I still don't feel any more compelled to sign away the $79 bucks for one year. The problem is that it's simply offering a possibility of an improved way of doing things, while the alternative is not entirely sucky. I think the only way this could ever be worthwhile is if you got at least 4 people together on one account, probably all coworkers who get items shipped to one address, and split the 79. The only problem with that is that I rather like managing my own profile, especially the wishlists (with privacy options), and the recommendation engine is more interesting than not. If you can get beyond that drawback when considering 'sharing' an account, then it could really even be worth it with just one other person. It would mos-def be worthwhile for a family of any size.

But alas, alack, I must go back to how the other half lives and covetously look on as the Amazon Prime people go on with their free 2-day shipping lifestyles.
- posted by Connie @ 2/27/2006 11:03:00 AM 3 comments

 
Everyone's an expert. I hope.
I am lost. But I'd like to change that. I'm trying to find a photo-sharing site -- and wouldn't even mind paying the typical $30/yr fee to do so -- but it seems that there are a lot of choices. Flickr seems an obvious choice but I'm seriously irked by their limitations even for "pro" users. I probably won't exceed that number, but I have my principles (or I have nothing!)

My needs are fairly simple. I want somewhere that I can do photo dumping where users can view these photos whenever (at whatever resolution they desire up to the original) they want, without having to login, leave a comment if they wish, and where I won't get such a headache with the uploading blues. I want no limits on traffic or space. I want a company that is somewhat reputable, to help curb the possibility of me having to start all over again once they go under.

I call on you, my tech savvy 4 readers...help!
- posted by Connie @ 2/26/2006 02:56:00 PM 10 comments

 
The strongest desire known to human life is to continue living.*
Even at 2 years old.

Background: William is John Wu's son, 2 years old, almost 3.

John: Hey, William had a Dick Cheney moment recently.
Connie: What, he shot the face of his elderly friend?
John: Well, yeah.
Connie pauses, waiting for the punchline.
John: Lily regularly takes him to the Gymboree, and usually he's the monster, always chasing everyone, but this time, this girl (that he knows) started chasing him, and chasing him, until she finally backed him into a corner. He stood there, obviously flustered.
Connie: Oh, god, don't tell me. His fight-or-flight instinct kicked in.
John nods.
John: He basically had never been in a situation where he felt his life was in danger. From time to time he has pretended to chase or shoot bad guys, but beyond that, nothing much. Just then, he puts his hands up to form the perfect position for firing a glock, and then sounded out "Pffft. Pffft. Pffft." 3 shots, right to her face.
John: Lily, of course, is slightly embarrassed, and the little girl is just kinda frozen, confused. Her mother comes over and looks over at William and Lily and goes "okaaaay, I guess he wins..."
Connie: That is so awesome.
John: Daddy was proud.


*That was "the fortune" from my most recent fortune cookie, oddly enough.
- posted by Connie @ 2/23/2006 05:40:00 PM 0 comments

 
Truly knowing my pain
I had a brief conversation with a woman on the phone today -- she was assisting me in making reservations for something, and therefore required that I give her my name. I know this script well, and I know what will come to pass every time. Name please? "Connie", I always say, hoping that will suffice. Last name? "C. H. U. N.", I spell out, so as not to help out the inevitable association by daring to sound it out. This cookie's too smart, though. She already had it. "Oh, no G, huh? Just Chun?" I laugh, as I always do, "No, not that one!" I say as cheerfully as I can.

This one surprised me, though. In a tone that was neither bitter nor accepting, she said "Honey, I totally understand." I was intrigued. She continued, "My name is Kelly Clark, and everyone wants to add the -son".

I never thought I'd ever meet anyone who would understand, but she would be it.
- posted by Connie @ 2/22/2006 02:57:00 PM 3 comments

 
Mandatory interview questions for candidates
As suggested to me by my coworker (name withheld to protect his/her innocence), minutes before I go to interview someone today:

1. Do you believe in God, and why?
2. So, this whole gay marriage thing...yay? or nay?
3. Do you agree with notions brought forth by the Democratic party?
4. What do you think of gun laws?
5. And then, he says, you should say, "just kidding!"
- posted by Connie @ 2/21/2006 05:39:00 PM 4 comments

 
My dog, the caffeine junkie (I guess we do have a lot in common, after all)
I've been really careful about making sure that my dog Sonny gets a very regular diet and break him from his habit of foraging for human food, especially when we're out walking. Sometimes he gets into this unshakeable trancelike state -- the state when he most resembles a rat and does not have anything on his mind other than the hope for some trace of food...even a trail of butter, or hell, he'll even take saliva that might have essence of meat in it. I never let him eat off my plate, I won't give him leftovers after eating (though sometimes will give him a treat after I'm done eating to reward him for being so well-behaved while I'm eating), and I don't vary his diet at all. I want to do this for a good long while until I know that he knows that this is his primary food. He once starved himself for nearly a day and a half in the hope that he'd get to eat beef jerky, Cheetos, toast n jam, or bacon instead of what was his primary meal, even though there was ample (and pricey, I might add) pet food in his bowl.

Today, in a lapse of my ever-vigilant diet regimenting, I had left him alone for 20 seconds with my laptop and coffee on the floor, and returned to find him lapping up my coffee. I screamed NO and he walked calmy away. As I sat back down to finish what I was doing while drinking doggie essence coffee, I noticed he immediately went back into nap mode by the window. I marvelled at his ability to nap after drinking what had to be at least 4 huge gulpfuls of caffeine (for his body that would have to be the equivalent of a cup of coffee to a human, I'd imagine). To support my theory that for years he used to be a street dog that survived on human food long before he met me (though no one knows his real history), I imagined him muttering to himself in dogspeak, "Bitch, please. You think I'd get wired from that? I used to have triple fucking lattes before coming to this insipid prison."
- posted by Connie @ 2/19/2006 12:54:00 PM 1 comments

 
When life hands you spam, make spam bakes!
If you have your gmail configured to show web clips by way of voluntarily selected RSS feeds on the top of your inbox, your spam folder shows spam recipes. As hilarious as it is AWESOME!


- posted by Connie @ 2/13/2006 10:37:00 AM 1 comments

 
Feeling the sorrow while pondering the guilt
I'm just sitting here wondering if I'd feel less sad about Michelle Kwan's withdrawal from the Olympics if she were a white chick from Tennessee with acne and braces rather than what she is, an adorable Asian girl from Cali. I just love her, damnit. So maybe it just doesn't matter.
- posted by Connie @ 2/12/2006 12:56:00 PM 2 comments

 
On memory PC card adapters and feminine products
Herm and Connie, discussing the SanDisk 6-in-1 PC Card Adapter (SDAD-67-A10) over im.

Connie: will it be slow? like...if you have a hi-speed sd card will it be limited in speed by this thing?
Herm: should not
Connie: or is that not even a valid question
Herm: valid question but i don't THINK so, we should research
Connie: wow i'm just impressed that you didn't assert your opinion as fact, as you usually do even when you're unsure
Herm: technically this should be "bus" speed so the slot is capable of very high speeds
Herm: now does this card give the same....good question
Connie: i see
Herm: we should order together since it falls just shy of free shipping
Connie: but we have amazon prime, you dumb dumb!
Connie: but if you really want, i can give you something to buy...although you won't like it
Herm: feminine products?
Connie: yup. around a buck. come on, who would know??
Herm: MY AMAZON RECOMMENDATION ENGINE!!!
- posted by Connie @ 2/06/2006 04:51:00 PM 0 comments

 
The Many Faces of Sonny
Sorry it's kind of a ghetto page, but I wanted to put something up fast. Enjoy the world premier of The Many Faces of Sonny.
- posted by Connie @ 2/03/2006 07:07:00 PM 5 comments

 
The unexpected side effects of doggie bonding too many days in a row
So after my 5-day confinement with little other stimuli than a mutt, I started to wonder how this might affect my dealings with, you know, real people.

This morning at work, John exhibited a rare moment of complaint, and declared that he had lost his pint glass that he used for his morning beer that helps make his job more bearable. I'm kidding -- he uses said pint glass to fill it with coffee, and then later on in the day, he uses it to refill the same cup with hot water, and by the end of the day, he's drinking what resembles something slightly less appetizing than swamp water. Anyway, he had lost his pint glass, which is the second glass he has lost in the past several months -- the first being a mug that I brought in from home for him to use; an act that marked the humble beginning of an equally humble movement to get our team to stop using styrofoam and to start reusing cups and dishes. So, he frets over this lost glass, and I pointed at my own pint glass of the same logo that I never use that was sparkling clean and told him to use it for now. He instead insists on using the glass next to it that once belonged to a coworker who has since moved on to greener pastures -- a dirty, sticky, smudged version of my glass of the same logo. But to save him the trouble, I kept insisting that he use my clean one for now. He said no, that he doesn't deserve the clean one, having lost two already, his voice now trailing off because he's walking out of the office with the dirty cup in hand, presumably en route to the kitchen to perform his penitent duty of washing it. I yell out the door to try to stop him: "No, John! John, come! Come, John!!" in the exact same tone of voice I had been using to discipline/guide/direct my new dog.

*sigh*

I must take some finishing classes to be able to appropriately talk and interact with humans again.
- posted by Connie @ 2/02/2006 11:53:00 PM 3 comments

 
Use #21345235 for headlamp
Both hands are being used, one for the leash with one tugging doggie, the other for picking up dogshit in an unknown and unseen grassy knoll at 11:30pm.
- posted by Connie @ 1/31/2006 11:50:00 PM 3 comments

 
Year of the dog
Indeed, it is. Today, I'm the proud parent of a newly adopted dog, and am actually on 5 days of mutternity leave to bond with him. It's so weird, but before I got him, I knew that my life was going to change forever. I could feel it in my bones, and I could hardly sleep the night before. I knew it wouldn't be cake. But I knew it would be special and worth it all in the end.

I feel like one of those mothers who gush about how extremely lucky they feel that when they were raising one of their children it was really easy. Easy delivery, no crying, no fussing. Well, that's sorta how I see Sonny. He never barks. He's very well housebroken. He doesn't get all in your face. He doesn't slobber. He's not that neurotic dog that you see whose owner is forever apologizing for bad behavior. He was surprisingly good natured about being nearly attacked by a dog 3 times his size earlier today -- shook it off like it was nothin'. He's a good compact size, but not so small like a toy dog. And he's cute. With the warmest eyes ever, and a gorgeous face.

Don't get me wrong, he still has his problems. He smells really bad, in both body and breath (I want to get him acclimated before bathing and freaking him out). He doesn't play. Toys roll by him as he looks on with no interest. He won't play fetch. He sleeps way too much. He doesn't follow any commands or do neat tricks.

But he's perfect.


- posted by Connie @ 1/27/2006 11:53:00 PM 8 comments

 
It really is that good
Just finished reading Life of Pi for the second time, making me realize that it's impossible to think that one could read this only once and understand it. Or I'm just that slow. Either way, I wish there was a category for books like this -- the kind that completely take your breath away.
- posted by Connie @ 1/27/2006 01:05:00 AM 2 comments

 
For fans of The Simpsons and Shakespeare: MacHomer!
The Simpsons and Shakespeare. This has to be the best combo since Tango and Cash. Rick Miller, who reminds me of a less crazy Robin Williams, put together a ONE-MAN show, where he basically incorporates every Simpsons character (even the fringe characters) into Macbeth. Yes, Macbeth. And yes, one-man show. It's nuttier than the nuttiest! And amazingly so!

Luckily for Miller, this is an ideal setup, because such an endeavor would require much intelligence and creativity to pull off successfully, and working with Simpsons material offers quite a bit of flexibility since what is it but a huge collection of references both obvious and obscure? In this way, he was able to really make it his without getting too wacky, while still remaining true to the Simpsons.

There was one scene when Macbeth was totally starting to lose it with all of his hallucinations and O.J. Simpson and Jessica Simpson appear in a vision, and O.J. goes "We Simpsons have got to stick together!" MacHomer goes (in his usual lovably dopey way) "But you're a murderer!" and O.J. retorts, "Yes, but so are you..." Brilliant.

Miller uses a projector and the stage equally as effectively, and at one point had an image of a bloody dagger floating onto the screen. MacHomer goes "Is this a dagger which I see before me?" while the image morphs seamlessly into a slice of pizza and he continues "or a pizza? Mmmmmmm, pizzaaaaa".

When the show ended, he came out for an encore, and performed Bohemian Rhapsody as dozens of different singers line by line. He looked like he had multiple personality disorder, and it almost looked painful, but he pulled it off handily. Axl Rose, Rolling Stones, U2, Willie Nelson, Aaron fucking Neville of all people...it's like he was channelling all of them. Crazy stupid dope.

Rick Miller. Look for this guy near you -- he's amazing. This deserves every bit of the buzz and hype you've heard.
- posted by Connie @ 1/26/2006 10:07:00 AM 1 comments

 
My dad is such a badass
I have this 2 minute video of my dad skateboarding around the backyard from a few months back. I wish I took some photos, but instead took a screen shot of a paused video. Not too shabby.

He's such a badass! How many 65 year olds do you know that go outside routinely to shoot hoops, or jump on a board? That man never stays still. That's the secret to staying young, fo shizzle.
- posted by Connie @ 1/25/2006 05:29:00 PM 3 comments

 
What a bargain!
I went to a bar, and offered this dude 5 bucks (in stripper-ready singles, no less) for "services". Look how happy he was at the offer!!!


- posted by Connie @ 1/25/2006 05:20:00 PM 6 comments

 
Coming soon: fingerless corpses
from engadget:
"According to a study by an analyst at financial firm Sanford Bernstein, both Wal-Mart and Cosco are "looking ... closely" at biometric checkout systems, which would allow consumers to pay via finger-scan (neither company would comment on the report). To use the system, customers would register at an in-store kiosk, where they would provide credit-card information that would be attached to a fingerprint. At checkout, the customer would place their finger on a scanner, and the appropriate credit info would be pulled up."

Now, I totally get why and how this will become the wave of the future. What I'm not comfortable with is the impending black market for severed digits off of dead people for quick shopping sprees.
- posted by Connie @ 1/25/2006 02:13:00 PM 1 comments

 
Is this how we see ourselves?
Herm just "composed" a yahoo avatar for himself. I had done one before, and we compared notes.



I can kinda see where I was coming from, but Herm? It kinda reminds me of this long lost page.
- posted by Connie @ 1/23/2006 01:54:00 PM 4 comments

 
Chronicles of Narnia: Surprisingly good!
For some reason, as a child I missed the whole phenomenon. My sister, who was a much more voracious reader, really liked and recommended the series to me, but I found it inaccessible and soporific. I didn't read a lot, so it's not saying much.

I set a personal goal to read at least the "Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe" before going to see the movie, and I've finally been rewarded today. I had no expectations and there were no actors I recognized.

It was excellent. No matter how one feels about the not-exactly-subtle symbolic references to Christianity, one cannot deny that the movie was incredibly well-made, entertaining, almost impossibly true to the book, expertly cast and acted...I daresay it might even be better than the book, but that's a risky statement. At least it was far better than the increasingly horrid by the day Harry Potter series. Don't even get me started on the HP movies.
- posted by Connie @ 1/22/2006 09:00:00 PM 3 comments

 
Buy.com can Die.com
I loathe buy.com. They are such a pathetic excuse for a merchant. And what's this new commercial I see about wanting to match and then beat any amazon.com price? What idiots. Buy.com actually think this is a price war?! The reason they cannot compete with amazon is because amazon.com is actually a store in the way most of us think of a store. They have a storefront, they offer merchandise, it tells you the availability, you may or may not purchase it, and after some time, you might actually receive a product. This proven method, beautiful in its simplicity and repeatability, has been quite successful for amazon.com. Buy.com doesn't realize that they actually have to complete all those steps more than just a few times in order to be a successful "store".

Time and again, they continue to offer "in-stock" items, usually resorting to Fry's-style loss leader screaming deals, but nonetheless seemingly legitimate items that one can purchase if they feel like it. That's the funny thing, see? Perhaps I'm spoiled by the bad habit I've picked up at amazon of expecting a product after I've chosen my product and paid for it, because it was December 6th when I bought a label maker at buy.com for a fucking Christmas present for a dear friend who has yet to see it. The screaming deal involved a mail-in rebate form that was due January 17, 2006. In talking (okay, bitching) about this to other people, I've come to find out that my story is quite common.

So, it has come to this. Buy.com, you are no amazon.com. Just go away, will you? Leave this "business" thing to us geniuses who've figured out the elusive merchant-customer model.
- posted by Connie @ 1/20/2006 02:30:00 PM 2 comments

 
Today, we are nice to Hermin
Everyone, please resist the urge to be mean to Hermin today, as it is the 4 year anniversary of his insanely violent accident that intended to leave him either dead or paralyzed but by the miracle of all things sacred, he is very much alive and kicking. I love you, you little shit!
- posted by Connie @ 1/19/2006 11:36:00 AM 2 comments

 
With any luck, I'll watch it alone next week
Jin is preparing to hurry out into the deep jungle to find Michael, who has just taken off with guns, ammo, and a psychotic and unshakable determination to find his son, against all reason and rationality. [As Herm would say, "Reason #345234523 not to have kids."] Sun sees him packing and confronts him to ask in Korean "And where the fuck do you think you're going?" (maybe I paraphrased). Jin says "Michael is my friend." Sun matches it with "But I am your wife." [As Herm would say, "Reason #345234523 not to get married."] Wordlessly, but with undiminished dramatic effect, Jin drops his bag to demonstrate that he is conceding to his wife's demand, and the tension remains throughout the now silent scene.

Herm: Pick it up. Pick up the goddamned bag, dude. Bros before hos, man!
- posted by Connie @ 1/18/2006 11:31:00 PM 3 comments

 
His sensitivity is so touching
During the recap episode of LOST last night, Jack and Kate share a tender moment.

Herm: "Dude, just stick it in her butt."
Connie: "HERM!!!"
- posted by Connie @ 1/12/2006 10:53:00 AM 6 comments

 
Another shameful day to be Korean
"Researcher Faked Evidence of Human Cloning, Koreans Report" was the glaring headline I raced home to read in the paper. I panicked. Could this be the same guy that I read about in countless articles before, Dr. Hwang Woo Suk? The same South Korean "national hero" that made it in TIME magazine's best inventions of 2005 (and was ranked the #1 invention)? His claim to have cloned human cells right after having (this part is true) successfully cloned "Snuppy" the dog? He was practically a rock star!!! But alas, it is all coming down crashing into a pile of rubble. He isn't even allowed to leave South Korea until prosecutors have finished investigating this scandal. This kind of news would not have surprised me at all 20 years ago, but I have to admit that I'm rather shocked that it happened today. I thought for a brief moment that Korea had grown up, and graduated from its adolescent phase of needing so much attention that it would do anything for it. Koreans are a very emotional and proud people, and we tend to get ahead of ourselves even before we're even really ready to make the jump - I can understand and appreciate this quality. But I cannot forgive the lies, the deceit, the mockery that country has made of itself in order to protect itself from the realization that perhaps they bit off more than they can chew. I'm reminded of the IMF bailout, the building that crumbled into itself and into unsuspecting people during their careless hyperexpansion days, North Korea trying to pretend to the world they are prosperous... When will the madness end, brothers and sisters?! I'm so tired of being made fun of (albeit in jest by friends who know me well, but still, goddamnit!!) for being Korean! Honestly, there is just so much I can take...especially because I agree with them!
- posted by Connie @ 1/09/2006 09:44:00 PM 7 comments

 
Tear Ducts: Alive and quite well
I admit I began to wonder if my tear ducts functioned properly of late, but then I saw Brokeback Mountain and King Kong, and I can say for certain that my tear ducts are quite functional. Sure, there was some dirty rusty water that initially passed through from all the build-up, but eventually it ran clear. I know that I'm not in the minority that I had this water-like substance streaming down my cheeks for those two movies, but I'm pretty sure not many would tell you a similar anecdote to this: I checked out this week's lineup for television not 5 minutes ago, and I wept. We get not one, but TWO new Scrubs this week, and no, not one, but TWO new LOST episodes...not to mention Family Guy and Gilmore Girls...ah. What a perfect expression for how I feel, these salty mini-beverages of utter glee.
- posted by Connie @ 1/08/2006 07:17:00 PM 2 comments

 
Asian Girls Parking: the newest spectator sport
Some of the most painful and violent moments of my life occur while I'm watching people park. Usually it's the Asian girls, and most often, it's anyone of any color in the Montclair or Piedmont Ave district of Oakland. There seems to be a negative correlation between wealth and parking ability.

In any case, it's like a train wreck: I can't not look. Whenever the opportunity comes up for me to be front-row/center on a parking job, I'm like a junkie. Dazed, glassy-eyed, and FIXED! I just stare and stare, the intensity broken only by my wincing at the inevitable trash can that gets hit, or the rim that gets scraped.

During our noon walks while foraging for food, my officemates and I receive many opportunities to see this happening right before our eyes! And, I came to find out that they, too, get fascinated by this violent behavior of "When Good People Park Badly". It is not abnormal to witness 5, 6, 7 re-attempts at a parking job that we parking gods could do in one shot and with no sweat. It is pure gold when this spectacle occurs though, to be sure.

So, based on this hugely satisfying avenue of entertainment, I had this crazy notion of creating a new spectator sport, where, in a closed course, Asian girls (for both their obvious marketability and their almost invariable consistency in BAD PARKING SKILLS) unwittingly find themselves in a situation where they must parallel park. Fans will cheer them on; the most knowing will yell their predictions. "Keep going! Good technique!" or "Give it up! You'll scrape the back end!" I envision the TV commentators, saying, "oooh, that was an usual risk for her, but it paid off", or "She almost nailed that one, but that last tire scrape on the curb will definitely cost her a tenth of a point."
- posted by Connie @ 1/05/2006 05:17:00 PM 1 comments

 
Holidaze
Connie: Is there some sort of online tool available that can measure how much I don't feel like working today?
Nayan: I think Google might have something.
Connie: Oh, yes, that's right. Google Slacker.
- posted by Connie @ 12/21/2005 10:07:00 AM 0 comments

 
Axis of the Unwilling
As much as I'd like to, I can't take credit for this Hermin-ism: "If you and I were to ever be a couple, and then we broke up, we'd be the...wait for it...sound it out loud...Exes of Evil!!!"
- posted by Connie @ 12/13/2005 07:03:00 AM 2 comments

 
Not exactly a banner year for Lafayette
Lafayette has gotten a LOT of press in the last 3 months. The strange thing is that Lafayette is a very quiet, lovely place -- hardly the type of place that would even be on the media radar, let alone a site for 2 awful murders and a tragic home fire that took the life of a local celebrity. Yes, 2 awful murders. You know about Pamela Vitale's gruesome murder already. But this morning, I woke up to read news about a 90 year old beloved woman who was slain in her home. It was instantly determined to be homicide. That's just a special kind of fucked-up-edness that should allow for the convicted killer's limbs to be ripped off one by one and then fed to dingos.

I sure hope 2006 is better for that place better known for their beautiful reservoir, Millie's Kitchen, and Bo's Barbecue.
- posted by Connie @ 12/12/2005 09:19:00 AM 0 comments

 
The only way to enjoy whipped cream is by itself
Seems like a rather innocuous question by your barista: whipped cream? Most people often say yes without even thinking about it. I most often say no. It's not that I'm super-health or fat conscious -- believe me, I'm no calorie-counter, but I do what I can to not WASTE caloric or fat intake. By that, I mean that fat grams I don't consume for a cookie that doesn't taste good anyway can be better saved for the baby back ribs I can now have for dinner, since it all evens out in the end (in my mind, anyway).

Now that most nutrition information is posted and accessible through the internet, I thought I'd look up exactly how much I was saving. Whipped Cream is the highest source of fat that I know of that has an almost imperceivable presence/enjoyment factor -- I mean, honestly, do you really notice the whipped cream in the taste of your drink? I think that if you're going to bother with getting whipped cream added to your drink, you might as well ask for it on the side and eat it with your finger, and reeeeaaaally just taaaaste that sucker. Don't believe me? Check this out. A 12oz cup of White Chocolate Mocha using whole milk offers you 280 calories, 8g of total fat, 5 of those grams saturated. Add whipped cream, and the respective numbers are 398, 20, and 13. That's an extra 12 grams of total fat!!! That's more fat in the whipped cream alone than is in the already-sweet-super-caloric beverage by itself!

I don't find this all that troubling in and of itself. My beef with this whole issue is that, often, I forget the whipped cream is even there, because the beverage is covered by the lid. I can't see it, and by the time I do remember, it's already melted away. This is why I don't bother. Most drinks for which you are offered whipped cream as an option for usually couldn't possibly get any sweeter with or without it. But now that the truth is out about whipped cream, it's just senseless to add it to my hot caffeinated beverages to melt away, undetected, straight to my thighs.
- posted by Connie @ 12/11/2005 10:26:00 PM 2 comments

 
See more in the Page You Made!
Without amazon.com, my world would be dull, depressing, full of wants, and full of cash. I love it so. But what I'm not too fond of is their tracking of every click and step you take -- sometimes I remember to log out when looking at items that I don't want in my tracking history, but every once in a while I forget. Most of the time, I like the recommendations. Maybe they're not always spot on, but I like that they're trying. How else would I have known that a LOST wall calendar exists had I not put LOST season 1 in my wishlist months ago?

Yesterday, I was looking for updated prices on AA battery rechargers and noticed a reviewer named Suzy Woo, and she made a completely witless and unsubtle comment to the ladies about "wink wink" what the batteries were great for. Gosh, so clever. But I was intrigued by her name, so I clicked on the link of her other reviews, and they were full of sex toys and books. I clicked on one of the books, and promptly sent it to Herm in the form of a link to check out. The book? A Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting by Deborah Addington. That was all well and good, but today, as I was buying a very unsexy pedometer, there was a recommendation module for a book for all to see while I'm doing this at work: The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus: How to Go Down on a Woman and Give Her Exquisite Pleasure (Ultimate Everything!!!) by Violet Blue. I swear, sometimes, amazon, you really get on my nerves!!
- posted by Connie @ 12/08/2005 11:20:00 AM 5 comments

 
Finally knowing what I want to be when I grow up


"Person in Charge". I saw this sign at the Concord Fry's. Imagine being able to tell your family, friends, and creepy bar folk when confronted with the inevitable question, "so what do you do for a living?" by saying "Oh, I'm the Person in Charge. What do you do?" It wouldn't be good enough for me to have my picture on this sign -- I'd feel compelled to wear a badge that lets everyone know who I was, not those who just entered the local Fry's.
- posted by Connie @ 12/06/2005 10:55:00 PM 1 comments

 
Giving Thanks
In the spirit of giving, I feel obligated to write at least one non-bitchy non-whiny blog entry for the month of December.

For the longest time, I resisted the whole fad of UGG boots from Australia. I just couldn't justify buying 150 dollar boots only to have to be put on a 6-month waiting list before receiving them. Years went buy, and REI finally had them on sale for almost half the initial asking price. Finally, I bit. I really wasn't going to do it, even after countless testimonials to how much it changed peoples' lives, whether because they actually were functional, or because it proved how fashion-foward some people could be (at least for 15 minutes). Believe it or not, it was a MALE who made the final testimonial that tipped it for me. Girls can tell me about certain shoes or accessories until they're blue in the face, but it wasn't until a guy told me how amazingly comfortable and warm they were -- like socks you can walk in -- that it was a done deal for me.

Now that I've worn them almost every day for a month straight (if even for a glorious hour or two after work to do my errands), I am a believer. It's like slipping into pillows and walking around, and speaking of walking, I could walk for miles in these glorious wonders.

Make no mistake, there are plenty of reasons for me to hide the shame of owning these boots:
1. I'm a day late and a dollar short to the fashion party. It is decidedly uncool to acquire something that was "soooo last year" or hell, maybe even "sooooo two years ago" -- don't worry, I know this.
2. There's reportedly even a t-shirt that has a picture of an UGG boot that says "NOT COOL".
3. The pair that I own is the first generation kind (now, they have more current newfangled versions that would not be on sale, no sir), so it's plainly obvious that I don't have the cool kind.
4. UGG boots, at least the ones I own, are now made in China, not Australia, as the once-authentic ones once were. Even if they say "UGG Australia" on the back label...no dice. Check the box, dear. "Made in China".

Though in no way doubting any of the reasoning above (I, in fact, agree with all of it), I am no less thankful for owning them. A huge thanks to Stephen Lau for the awesome recommendation!! Wheeeee!
- posted by Connie @ 12/04/2005 11:33:00 AM 4 comments

 
Evitees suck
I was going to begin this entry by saying 'Evite Sucks', but that's not entirely true. Evitees suck. There are broad categories for the suckiness of Evitees:

1) Those who quickly and enthusiastically reply in the affirmative...and don't show up.
2) Those who don't respond at all...and show up. a special place in hell is reserved for these people.
3) Those who respond maybe. FUCK those people. Perhaps even more blameworthy is the organizer for any event who allows for "maybe" responses. I say to do away with that category. You already know if you are going to go or not. "Maybe" suggests that you're not so rude as to not respond at all, combined with a painful desire to please to the degree that you can't even bring yourself to say "No, sorry, I cannot attend." Is there such a thing as a "maybe place setting", or a "maybe reservation" at a restaurant? No. So a "maybe" evite response just says you are a pussy and I don't want these kind of people at my shindigs.

I think there should be a rule on evite. Those who get evited to something more than 3 times without responding -- automatic account suspension and/or cancellation. Obviously these people are either too cool for it or don't benefit from it anyway. Another rule is that if you answer "maybe" for any event, even if it's an option, evite is authorized to come and deliver a person to your front door and slap the shit out of your face.

I don't use evite for my own events (for my own reasons, even besides the ones listed), so I'm not some embittered eviter who had no one show up for my parties. I'm speaking entirely from observing evitees for parties that I have been invited to versus their *actual* presence or absence from these parties. Lame, so lame.
- posted by Connie @ 12/03/2005 03:35:00 PM 2 comments

 
I don't ever want to hear this word again, as long as I live
Guesstimate. Please! Stop the madness. Make it go away. It makes me want to huddle up in a windowless corner and rock myself into oblivion, fantasizing about flogging those who use that hideous word.
- posted by Connie @ 11/30/2005 10:36:00 AM 5 comments

 
Actual conversation had in the office
[Herm, in the midst of talking about something, abruptly stops when he looks out the window of our office to notice that it had been raining]

Herm: Oh shit, it's pouring rain outside??! Sheeit, everything's always trying to keep the white man down!
Connie: Umm, for the umpteenth time, you are NOT WHITE, Herm.
John: You're also not a man.
- posted by Connie @ 11/29/2005 01:46:00 PM 2 comments

 
Rude awakening at WaMu
Ah, the Washington Mutual ATM machine, something I resort to from time to time, but try not to abuse, because of the peculiar yet lovely no-surcharge goodness. I had tried to come up with a number of reasons why they would extend this unfathomable generosity to customers that aren't theirs (I've never banked with them), but over the years I've learned not to question random acts of kindness. Since I only bank with institutions that never charge an ATM fee on their side, I had the benefit of Washington Mutual's entire network of ATM's at my disposal for a whopping zero dollars.

I don't know when it happened since this isn't exactly press release issue type news, but I had noticed that they stopped advertising the no-surcharge ATMs. But it wasn't until Friday, 2 days ago, that I tried to withdraw cash and got that dreaded message of Wells Fargo/BofA territory: "Your request will charge your account $1.50. Do you wish to continue?"

Sadly, all good things must come to an end.
- posted by Connie @ 11/20/2005 02:40:00 PM 1 comments

 
I'm so ahead of my time
Today, in engadget: http://www.engadget.com/entry/1234000730067848/

Umm, that was like...soooo last month inside Connie's brain...like, totally.
- posted by Connie @ 11/14/2005 01:58:00 PM 1 comments

 
The memory of once having been able to say "I have 2 bathrooms"
My once lovely (lovely in that it was functional, not speaking to its aesthetics) hall bathroom has been demolished and reduced to rubble and drywall. What did Herm talk me into? I called him one day to complain about an exceptionally leaky faucet that has been a problem (much more minor in the early days) for almost 2 years, that I finally had to use a hammer to tap-tap-tap it tightly enough to make the flow stop. Even then, it would still drip. I called him a month ago, shamelessly playing the damsel in distress card and taking the ERA movement about 70 years further back, and said, "Help, help, leaky faucet, penis-having person needed to help fix." He took one look at my formica surfaced vanity, ghetto medicine cabinet, and the toilet/tub color scheme that basically screams "peach colored Bell rotary phones of the 70s" (you know which ones, I'm talking 'bout), and declared, "You could totally re-do your bathroom for under a grand."

We did some minor research and took about 2 trips to Home Depot and I made the rash decision to just do it. Last Saturday, seemingly with the just the back of a hammer, every remaining bit of the 3 layers and 40 years of linoleum, the bath tiles (and all the cement/chicken-wire combo underneath), toilet, vanity, and sink have been taken down, destroyed, and removed. All that is left is a lot of dust, some unsightly protruding valves, and a tub (yeah, we didn't exactly think through how to get rid of that small matter).

It has sat like this for 5 days now. Last night, we took a look at it, humbled, shaken, frightened. I looked at him, and he looked at me. Finally, he spoke. In barely a whisper, he said, "What have I done?"
- posted by Connie @ 11/10/2005 11:55:00 AM 2 comments

 
Reminiscing
Isn't it odd to think that just barely a year ago, it was considered quite acceptable and respectable to offer 6 megabytes of storage for free web-based email accounts? Now, we bitch when we can't mail a file twice that size. I love the rapidity of the winds of change.
- posted by Connie @ 11/09/2005 02:13:00 PM 3 comments

 
Actual conversation had in the office
[background: John is one of those Christiany types -- but the good kind. He's not a bible-thumping zealot. Anyway, I try to keep things clean when I'm around him, out of respect.]

John: So Connie, when you get a chance, you gotta tell Nate and me about your Vegas birthday bash trip.
Connie: John, believe me, if I thought that there was even the smallest shred of a morsel of a remote possibility that you could relate to any of it, I would.
John: Well, just leave out the crude and crass parts.
Connie: Yeah, so we drove down, and hung out, and drove back.
- posted by Connie @ 10/25/2005 03:53:00 PM 1 comments

 
Better than sex
I don't know how to describe it in a way that will do it justice. It's a feeling that you don't know is possible, but once it is felt, it's familiar, and warm, and wonderful. It inspires guilt and pleasure at the same time. In a different context, you might feel it is wrong to derive such joy from such an act of celebration of privilege, at the expense of the others, the commoners. This raw essence of wanton, pure superiority can only be had while being escorted into the most exclusive night club in the dazzling city of lights and sin by the powers that be, with 30 of your friends, while unapologetically and gloatingly watching the rest of those desperately waiting in a line with no end in sight, past all of the familiar hackneyed aspects of the club like bartenders and those who need them, into an elevator car being held for you, up to the rooftop of your own VIP section that epitomizes class, cordoned off by the nylon separators guarded by enough security to make you think the terror level has gone up a notch. No, there is nothing else that feels like that. And there is absolutely no other way to celebrate your 30th birthday, and I highly recommend it at your first opportunity. Be ye warned, however, that mere "clubbing" will be ruined for you forever.
- posted by Connie @ 10/24/2005 09:27:00 PM 10 comments

 
Cords must die
an im convo

Connie: i think i already want to get another pair of the RS-120's [ed. note: Sennheiser wireless audio headphones]...one for work
Connie: if i see one more motha fuckin wire i will scream
Herm: hahaha
Connie: i shit you not--the cord of my headphones somehow managed to wrap themselves ALL THE WAY AROUND the main pole of my chair
Herm: nice
Connie: i'm like what the...fuckety-fuck??
Connie: JUST SAY NO TO WIRES!
Connie: WHAT TO WE WANT? WIRE GENOCIDE!
Connie: WHEN DO WE WANT IT? NOW!
Herm: hahahaha
Herm: WIRE GENOCIDE!
Herm: KILL EM ALL!!!
Connie: "electronic cleansing"
- posted by Connie @ 10/19/2005 02:33:00 PM 4 comments

 
Wonder if they make rechargeables . . .
[Indistinct and intermittent beeping noise coming from somewhere during lunch]
Connie: GOD, what is that beeping noise?? Is it somebody's phone?
Mike: Maybe it's your biological alarm clock.
Herm: Yeah, it's telling you to change its batteries.
- posted by Connie @ 10/18/2005 04:05:00 PM 1 comments

 
An investment in my productivity and sanity
Paul and I switch off making coffee in the mornings. He has a habit of making coffee that is too weak, a sin in my book. I'm of the school of thought that you should always make coffee too strong, because then you please everybody: those who want strong coffee have it, and those who want weaker coffee can dilute it with hot water. If you make coffee that is too weak, then it pretty much pleases almost nobody. Plus it tastes like pisswater. Also, Paul, as my manager, should think of coffee strength as an investment in my productivity. The stronger he makes it, the greater the return. In spite of Paul's good intentions, I'm always secretly hoping that he doesn't make the coffee. One morning, though, the coffee was especially bad. I was going to stealthily walk out of the office and get a double shot of something or other and down it before coming back in just to prevent making waves, but then I stopped myself with the realization of a) whose feelings am I trying to spare? and b) by remaining silent, I'd only be making the problem worse. He must be called on it, lest he ruin another batch.

Connie: Paul...I'm sorry. I have to remake the coffee. It's not strong enough. In fact, it's so weak that it reminds me of the coffee that inspired us to create our own coffee club in the first place, and here we are, drinking the same stuff that we worked hard to get away from. I really appreciate you making it, but I have to do it again or I won't be sane today.

Weeks later, which just happens to be today, Paul made coffee in the morning. I walk in, apprehensive, but hopeful.
Paul: Connie. Have you tried the coffee yet?
Connie: No. Not yet.
Paul: Ok, well let me know when you do. I added the coffee, and when I got to the point where I thought I added too much, I added some more.
Connie: Okay, thanks! Can't wait.

Seconds later on im, while drinking some insanely good coffee:
Connie: Paul, your coffee brings a tear to my eye...thank you.
Paul: it brings twitching to mine.
- posted by Connie @ 10/17/2005 10:08:00 AM 2 comments

 
What do couples know that we don't?
This is going to sound like a pathetic attempt to sound like Carrie Bradshaw, but seriously, I'm beginning to live and breathe the life of a single person, as seen through the eyes of a coupled person/unit. I have some lovely friends, and luckily for me, a lot of them are single and happy (myself included), but by god, if they and I don't have other friends who, while also lovely, are married, engaged, or otherwise attached. They are the well-intentioned bunch who constantly want to see you hooked up. I, like any other single person, would love to settle down with someone amazing, and I've heard it all -- from one person's advice that I must lower my standards (which, if she really knew me, would know that they are not high at all...at ALL...), to another one saying not in so many words that I'm no spring chicken. To be fair, I get the other side of it too: "oh god, you've got plenty of time, you're young, don't settle!" or "the 30s are the new 20s" and every variant on the theme of 'don't worry-- you're not pathetic'. But honestly, at the end of the day, I'm not unhappy that I'm single, and often find myself celebrating it more than wallowing in it. Even when I go out, I am usually more receptive to girls than guys, because those are the relationships that tend to last when you really hit it off (chicks before dicks!) since they're not really interested in sleeping with me more than connecting with me. And sometimes I'll meet a guy who is super-cool, but ultimately ends up being a dud. I'll still fantasize about what it would be like to be Mrs. Hunk of the Moment, but I usually get real pretty quickly and just enjoy them for what they are (eye candy). I actually enjoy having my place all to myself, and knowing that I can step anywhere in the bathroom without any mystery fluid near the toilet; I can eat whatever, whenever; I can fart anytime; I have full control over the remote; I can have people over at any time of the day or night; and mostly, I can fulfill any of my goals and know that nothing is in my way.

My dad even says some comments to me like "hey, so, now that you're financially independent and have your own everything, don't you think it might be time to start settling down?" to which I'll invariably say "i've come this far, do you think i should really settle or wait for something great?" It's true, though. And I do acknowledge the fact that the biological clock is ticking and that after 36, my babies will have birth defects if I try to conceive at that time, and all the other crap that I have to think about as a woman, but really. Is that a reason to hurry up and shack up with someone just because I'm of the age, and because that person's nearby? When the right person comes along, I will be ready -- I don't have commitment issues, and, while perhaps I am getting more set in my ways as I age, I still think that I can adjust and compromise with the best of 'em, and I'm looking forward to spending my days with someone who really gets me. But I'm in no hurry, damnit.

Last night was probably the biggest test of defending singlehood. One of my best friends, who happens to be a male, and I are so close that people often think we are a couple. (There is a small group of people who are absolutely convinced that we are a couple, and nothing we say can deter them.) We do everything together -- work together, eat together, hang together, bitch together, buy stuff together, text each other constantly...and really, I adore him and there is nothing I wouldn't do for him. To look at us, when we're not fighting anyway, it really looks like we are a perfect, shiny, happy couple. Hell, his family even embraces me as I do them, which is more than I can say for the last several relationships I've had. The point is, we are very happy together, as I am with all the really good friends in my life who support me and whom I support. Back to topic, last night was the culmination of 3.5 weeks of planning between his mom and me for a surprise birthday party for him that turned out to be a wild success. All of his friends, and some of my friends, and some of our mutual friends, as well as all of his family and extended family were there. Throughout the night, I have no idea how many times we were accosted, whether individually or together, to come clean about "our relationship". It's really hard for us to have to explain it all the time to everyone that we are just really tight and that there is no conventional way to explain our unconventional relationship. The best we could come up with is that we are both too stubborn and curmudgeonly to be in relationships as it is, let alone with one another. As we talked about it last night after the party, we decided that all of our married friends just want someone to commiserate with about the joys (ha ha) of being married or practically married. Another theory we joked about is that we are less of a threat if two more single people are off the market.

I know that they are all well-meaning, and I love them for it, but if we are truly happy as we are, then what need is there to change what we have? If we enter a relationship, what we have is ruined. We both know that, and the world knows that, because we've seen it happen in our own lives, on TV, in movies -- it's always true. All of our friends and loved ones managed to end up at the same festivities, regardless of his and my status, so what reason is there to trip on our status? Would more people have shown up last night if we were an official couple? Or is it because they want to see us happy? But we are happy! We're ecstatic! We have more fun than I can even begin to explain. We go to movies, we take trips, we go camping, we have frantic phone conversations in the middle of the night, I've cried in his arms over failed relationships, we laugh (a lot), we fantasize together about joint business ventures to get us out of mundane jobs, we go out together, we go out separately, we share friends, we do it all! I want him to walk me halfway down the aisle if I ever get married, and my dad to do the other half -- this is how much he means to me. And the real tragedy would be if that ever changed.

I'm always very curious about the motivation behind wanting us to change, when we are perfectly happy about what we are. Which is nothing. And everything. Besides, if people really want to see me happy and hooking up with my best friends, they already KNOW that I'm just waiting for Aileen or Thao or Dina to hurry up and get a sex change already. Sheesh!!
- posted by Connie @ 10/16/2005 07:04:00 PM 8 comments

 
No longer the proud almost-owner of a TiVo...but I still came out ahead
The cocksuckers at X10.com are such fucking LIARS and made it seem like they had the 140-hour Series2 TiVo machines at $206, with the TiVo MIR it was starting to look like a pretty freakin sweet deal. Did they ever indicated they were backordered? NOPE. Did they ever send a status update email? NOPE. 3 weeks later, was I pissed? YUP. I cancelled the shit out of my order, Herm cancelled his, too.

I guess that it worked out in the end, though. Here I was all worried that I was going to miss these great shows because my hardware wasn't gonna arrive in time. I rely on my trusty analog-TiVo anyway (you might have heard of this exotic little antique: a "VCR") to program shows that will tape weekly as long as I remember to put in a fresh tape each week.

At the start of the season, I had it programmed to tape:
Sunday: Family Guy
Monday: Arrested Development, Kitchen Confidential
Tuesday: Gilmore Girls, My Name is Earl
Wednesday: Lost (I'm just taping them all -- still have to watch Season 1, so I'm just saving Season 2)
Thursday: Everybody Hates Chris

Family Guy, except for 1 or 2 rare misses, turned out to be pretty freakin sweet. Arrested D is just alright. Kitchen Confi---excuse me *yawn*. Gilmore Girls is majorly a hit or miss. My Name is Earl is fuckin awesome. (And no, I don't watch The Office right afterward; that show freakin BORES me, probably because they try too hard and it shows), Lost (no comment, haven't seen), Everybody Hates Chris has some golden moments...

So yeah. Who's disappointed about TiVo not coming to pass? Not me. Not really. Maybe next year. For now, I'm not thorougly disgusted with the programs that I tape, but I never have any giddy anticipation that I once had. Oh well. It's okay. I have enough blank tapes to last me a while.

If I can get my hands on Entourage on DVD, I'd be happy. And Steve says Prison Break is good. And thank god for Undeclared on DVD. Maybe there is a light at the end of my tunnel of irrational acceptance of mediocrity, as long as I don't look forward. "Fellow Americans, we must be strong and brave in the pursuit of excellence in television, and we must remember: always look to the past."
- posted by Connie @ 10/11/2005 05:44:00 PM 7 comments

 
Honestly...who doesn't think about drag coefficient when renting cars? gosh!

- posted by Connie @ 10/10/2005 10:30:00 AM 2 comments

 
Phoning from the car, on CA-58 from The Vegas
Herm: "I'm 59 miles from the CA-99 Junction. If you go on Google Maps and hit satellite-view you might be able to see me. Look, I'm waving!"
- posted by Connie @ 10/09/2005 05:07:00 PM 0 comments

 
An analog lunch conversation
Herm: I don't know how to leave early from work tomorrow
Connie: Well, considering how late you come in usually, I don't see how you can get away with anything
Herm: You know what, I should just not come in.
Connie: Why don't you call in sick? It's just a PTO day that is unplanned.
Mike: We think that might be too suspicious. For a Friday.
Connie: I know! You can say that you have mad period cramps. That always works for me, somehow.
Mike looks at me quizzically.
Mike: I don't believe for a second that you get your period.
Herm & Mike laugh.
Mike: Actually, I believe that you either never get your period, or you're always on your period. Then again, you must get your period, because you obviously get bloated. I mean, look at you.
- posted by Connie @ 10/06/2005 02:05:00 PM 0 comments

 
Something tipped in observational norms
I don't know when it tipped...it was definitely recently. Maybe not today, maybe not yesterday, but fairly recently. Because this morning, as I was walking past the lovely TransBay Urinal -- er, I mean Terminal, a solitary man was squatting against a wall and he was talking vociferously and indignantly shaking his fist. Clearly, he was angry about something and he was letting the person he was talking to know it. He had a work badge dangling around his neck, so I assumed it was work-related. The problem was that I didn't find it abnormal at all that there was no one in front of him, relying on my own expectation that I would eventually see a headset come into view, perhaps one of those fancy small bluetooth numbers that hang on many a yuppie ear.

Alas, no. No headset in sight. This disturbed person was having a vehement argument with himself, obviously suffering from a mental illness. It's interesting to think how it was not too long ago that we thought people were all schizophrenic when they looked to be talking to themselves until we got accustomed to the notion that they could be on a "cellular phone"; now we've comfortably reached the point that we just automatically make the assumption that "those who look crazy" are simply on the phone. Unfortunately, it seems that the mentally ill (well, the ones who talk to themselves, anyway) will just be forgotten and assumed perfectly healthy by the average passerby.
- posted by Connie @ 10/06/2005 10:25:00 AM 1 comments

 
Mounting Rory
a random im conversation:

Herm: in sin city, was the snitch prostitute chick the gilmore girl daughter? rory?
Connie: how did you know that her name was rory
Herm: i know much
Connie: i knew you were a closet watcher of gilmore girls
Herm: whatever
Connie: how do you know her name?
Herm: i'm on top of this shit
- posted by Connie @ 10/05/2005 09:52:00 PM 7 comments

 
Rest in peace, Little Grey
Ai and I were walking down College Ave, headed to Roma, when I heard a screeching noise, and then saw a cat running incredibly fast but strangely leaning on one side from across the street toward our side of the street. He finally stopped, nearly in front of us, where he collapsed and made sounds no one should ever have to hear, and I watched him take his last breath as his eyes glazed over and his head rested lifelessly in a small pool of his own blood. Just typing this is making me cry the same way I did when this incident happened, just 3 hours ago. Thank God that Ai had the presence of mind to grab my phone and call Berkeley Animal Control because she could see that my screaming, hysterical self was useless. Now, the only thing that is keeping me from losing it altogether is the knowledge that he died very quickly, this gorgeous soft grey and white creature. Yet I still feel that I will be forever haunted by the image of him running toward me from across the street -- this final frantic burst of energy filled with fear, terror, shock and pain in the last seconds of his life. Rest in peace, little one. You left this world too soon.
- posted by Connie @ 10/02/2005 05:57:00 PM 1 comments

 
Sometimes great things can come from shitty situations
A lot of people who know me know that I am very vocal when it comes to expressing satisfaction or dissatisfaction (usually the latter) to companies to let them know how they are doing. My letters can sometimes be very kind, but when they are inspired by extreme disappointment, they can be ruthless.

Sometimes, letters can be the easiest way to express a complaint or disappointment or “thanks but no thanks”, and especially with the pervasiveness of email as a standard form of communication, it has made pansies out of a lot of us – and the worst kind of pansy, because we think we are making a strong point when really we are hiding behind the veil of impersonal letters that give us license to be unfairly cruel.

I have grown very accustomed to hiding behind the written word to make an emphatic point, but only recently have learned that this isn’t always the best way. I remember some pretty crazy letters I have written to people, like an upstairs neighbor 10 years ago, whose air purifier rattled the ceiling all night while my roommates and I tried to sleep, for example. It was unnecessarily antagonistic and riddled with personal attacks, probably because I was so irritated by lack of sleep that there was a lot of pent up frustration. That wasn’t an excuse then, and it isn’t one now. Never once did I attempt to talk to her one-on-one, to tell her how I was feeling. If memory serves, she was a psychologist, so I'm pretty sure I could have gotten through to her. I realize now, of course, that the letter was a big mistake.

Over the years, I guess I’ve done a lot of growing up, and I know that I’m still growing. I’ll still allow myself to get pissed off over even the little things, but I temper my first instincts with compassion and the thought that a) it’s almost never intentional on the part of the other person, b) it could be that they are having a bad day, c) they could be going through something that is far more significant or devastating than anything having to do with me.

I’ve also learned that the power of direct, face-to-face communication is strong and meaningful. Part of the degradation of any sense of community is that we have stopped talking to one another and only want to deal with each other through a mediator, whether that is a lawyer, some arbitrary board or association, or a medium like emails or text messages. I’m guilty of it, too.

Recently, my condo welcomed the addition of a new tenant right above me. I introduced myself the 2nd day of his arrival – not to say hello, though that should have been my motive if I were a better person, but to tell him that he was making too much noise (which he readily admitted – his friend was thoughtlessly using power tools at 11pm at night just to test them out for fun). I approached him with the utmost of delicate charm and diplomacy. I wasn’t out to rail on him only to give rise to retaliation, if he was given to such behavior. He received me and my complaint with the utmost of graciousness – keeping eye contact with me the whole time and being genuinely apologetic. I was satisfied, and I believed he would not make a habit of it.

Weeks later, he started making noise again, opening the rickety sliding door at odd and wee hours of the night and treading far too heavily on the floor. Yes, our building construction is that shitty, that I would hear something like heavy treading amplified on my end, but that is beside the point. I paid him a second visit, exercising the same diplomacy as with the first visit, and it was received equally as graciously.

Another month went by, and finally, it had hit me that he was not getting the message. It got to be so unbearable, the noise, and I even had corroboration from visiting friends that it was indeed unusually and unacceptably loud. It was not uncommon to be bolted awake at 1:30am on a weeknight from heavy treading.

I got to the point where I believed that it was any day now that I was going to sell my place and move. I wouldn’t be the first person to take such action – there is currently litigation between two tenants in my building due to upstairs-to-downstairs noise because they couldn’t deal with it one-on-one. It has been an ongoing battle for well over six months – the HOA board had to get involved, the cops were always coming here – it got ugly, and I just didn’t want to go through that. The upstairs neighbor of that situation moved out about a week ago due to all the harassment, but the litigation continues. Before going that incredibly laborious route of changing residences (never mind a lawsuit), however, I finally decided it was time to reason with him using a letter. I felt it was fair, since I did my part to use face-to-face communication, and I finally resigned to the realization that it wasn’t working. As I sat to write this letter, I decided that, instead of giving into the temptation (and first instinct) to be harsh, I would be kind. I would paint a picture of what I was going through, and I wanted to sound pitiful. I literally begged him to try to see how difficult it was to be his downstairs neighbor. I taped the letter to his doorknob, and waited.

That night, he was incredibly quiet. The next night as well. The third night, I got a knock on my door at 10pm. It was him, bearing a beribboned bag of gourmet caramels and the most profoundly genuine apology I could have ever asked for. He stood there in my doorway telling me how much my letter got to him, and how badly he felt for making me go through that. He even said that he enjoyed reading my letter because he loved some of the metaphors I had used. He taped the letter to his fridge and even put post-its all around his house to remind himself to be quiet.

Here’s the part that almost made me weep: he told me that, over the last 3 months, he has been going through a funk, and living in a sort of robotic existence because his best friend died 3 months ago. He immediately said that that is not an excuse, but just that he wanted to explain the context of his behavior, because he thinks of himself as a considerate person most of the time.

I was speechless. This man is my age, and he had to endure the pain of losing his best friend – and I, the asshole of the moment, interacted with him 3 times to complain to him, and he still found it in him to be gracious all 3 times.

When I think of all the ways I could have handled this situation, I have to say that I am so glad that I took this path. People who know me would know that I almost take a sick pride with normally taking the opposite tack, and would be downright shocked that I chose kindness on my own part, even when I arguably had every right to be rather pissed off over my deteriorating quality of life.

Having chosen this route, I got to understand where he was coming from, I get to continue living here with the same quality as is my right, I emerged with a newfound appreciation for the people I love that I can lose at any point in time, and I also made a friend. All from using words for good and not evil. Never have I felt so mature as I did that day. Connie just might be growing up.
- posted by Connie @ 10/01/2005 09:44:00 PM 2 comments

 
Just 2.5 small reasons why I could never be permanently unhappy
this one is self-explanatory:
http://video.google.com/videosearch?q=family+guy+stewie&btnG=Search+Video

and this one...well, watch it once and just TRY to not have MA NA MA NA in your head all day, all the while laughing to or at yourself:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=939360680227083795&q=diet+dr+pepper+commercial

the remaining half-reason would be a video of Flat Eric and Mr Oizo...something an old coworker from another job sent to me about 6 years ago, and I haven't seen since. Flat Eric is basically groovin to the beat in the passenger seat of a car...and just gets progressively more epileptic. it made me laugh then, and the memory of it still makes me laugh now. find it for me, someone, please? know that, if you do, you'll have contributed in some small way to my therapy.
- posted by Connie @ 9/29/2005 03:54:00 AM 2 comments

 
Stupid person behavior observation #26304
I just got off the AC Transit transbay bus, and it was quite a drama-laden ride. Background: For at least a couple of months, AC Transit issued a statement that a new fare increase was to be in effect September 6, 2005. Yes, a fare increase, shocking, I know. I personally think it's not without merit, but that's neither here nor there. AC Transit sells 10-ride passes at exactly the cost of a regular fare times 10. No discount. But it's helpful for the convenience of not trying to dig out small bills each day. In any case, it's a wildly popular card, this 10-ride pass. For the longest time, the transbay fare was 3.00. So, this 10-ride pass is 30 dollars, good for 10 rides. That is, up until September 6. Flyers are everywhere in this transbay terminal about the fact that, starting September 6, you will have to pay an additional 50 cents with every dip of the 10-ride card if you're not using the new 35 dollar 10-ride cards. Fare enough (sorry, couldn't resist the pun). 99.09% of passengers understood this notion, at least after the one-week grace period that the bus operators allowed for the general vacuousness that is frequently demonstrated by brain-dead passengers who needed gentle reminders. By now, though, all of us savvy riders (save one) are soooo over that, already, I mean, come on, that was soooo 3 weeks ago.

Today, I was audacious and left the office 10 minutes earlier than usual for no good reason other than I really didn't feel like being there a minute longer, so I rode the 6:05pm bus, instead of the usual 6:20. There was this man, about in his late 30's, early 40's, who calmly got on the bus, and dipped his old 30-dollar transbay 10-ride pass into the fare box, and the computer read it, and blinked and beeped, signalling to the operator that he hadn't paid enough. Without skipping a beat, he went into this routine about how he called the AC Transit main office and is awaiting a response about how the 50-cent increase is not lawful, claiming that the 10-ride pass was in a sense a pre-paid contract, guaranteeing a fare to freeze. He didn't put it that way, but I summarized his argument, but not favorably towards him. That would be like BART increasing their fares and someone claiming that because they pre-paid for a 60 dollar ticket, that the machine should deduct less for each trip in consideration of the pre-payment. Huh? Clearly, he didn't have a leg to stand on, but he thought he was being clever with his antagonistic, self-righteous, condescending manner and words. The operator said, "You have to pay an extra 50 cents", and after much back and forth, the supervisor of the terminal came by, and said in no uncertain terms in a tone that suggested that he would not suffer fools gladly, "Sir, you have two options. You can get off the bus, or you can pay 50 cents extra." This fool continued and just stayed on the bus. The supe called in to the AC Transit Sheriff's office, instructing them to have an officer waiting at the first east bay stop in Piedmont. I don't think fool heard that part. Operator also told supe that this man is someone she has to deal with EVERY day. Wow. He actually goes through this rigmarole every day. Oh my god. Give that driver a fucking pay-raise already, and a medal, and a halo for her head. If I were her, I would have shot fool by now.

Fast forward 15 minutes. The first stop comes, and the sheriff gets on the bus, talks to the driver for 2 minutes, and goes to the back to remove the passenger and have a little chatsky. I'm gonna guess it didn't go very well, because I've had personal experiences with the AC Transit sheriff's department and, let's just say, the enforcers are none too flexible, and their fines are none too small. I would guess that the fine would be at least 200 dollars. 200 dollars! This man needs to be told how to pick and choose his battles. He could have paid 50 cents instead of 200+ dollar fine, he wasted our time, now we think he's an idiot, AND we get to see him every day for the rest of time. Well, not me. I'll make sure I always catch the 6:20, since I can't deal with this folly each day.
- posted by Connie @ 9/28/2005 07:16:00 PM 4 comments

 
For the future Mrs. Hermin Lalefar
From: Connie Chun
To: Hermin Lalefar
Date: Sep 25, 2005 11:15 PM
Subject: for the future Mrs. Hermin Lalefar


or something your guy friends should buy for you so you can wear it for her

From: Hermin Lalefar
To: Connie Chun
Date: Sep 26, 2005 10:46 AM
Subject: Re: for the future Mrs. Hermin Lalefar

I want it I want it! Large please!
- posted by Connie @ 9/26/2005 12:08:00 PM 2 comments

 
It's not enough to hate trucks/SUVs
what. the. fuck. Yes, we already know that SUVitis has reached epidemic proportions, but what the CDC was not expecting was that the most common strain of the virus would mutate into something closely resembling STUPIDitis. I no longer hate SUV's and trucks, I hate stupid people who think that they are not. GET THESE FUCKING PEOPLE OFF THE FUCKING ROAD!

Yes, these are TWO separate stories about people ramming their obese vehicles into buildings. The kind with people in it.

SUV Crashes Into N.J. Operating Room

Truck crashes into Petaluma home injuring residents

I'm genuinely afraid.
- posted by Connie @ 9/23/2005 11:12:00 AM 2 comments

 
If I didn't know any better, I'd think they were trying to poison me
I needed coffee desperately, because I was taking an evening class, and my day was long before it had even started. It is important to note that I was on my way to a 3-hour class, so it wasn't as though I had an opportunity to go back into the store to complain. My discovery of the insanely bad coffee wasn't until I was already in the middle of class.

It was the single worst cup of coffee I had ever had the displeasure of forcing my taste buds to experience for way too much money. If I'm going to pay over 3 dollars for a soy vanilla latte from anywhere, it had better be pretty good. It doesn't have to be so good that I'm singing from rooftops, but I better not walk away feeling like someone is trying to poison me!

I used to rank coffee in this order:
1. Peet's
2. Tully's
3. Most everyone else
4. Starbucks

This is my new ranking, as of last night:
1. Peet's
3. Most everyone else
4. Starbucks
5. That crappy coffee served at chain-diners that tastes like pisswater
6. That 10-hour old coffee at truck-stop convenience stores
7. Camel Urine
8. The 3+ dollar coffee from Tully's I had last night

A pox on Tully's! For shame.
- posted by Connie @ 9/21/2005 05:04:00 PM 7 comments

 
It was almost beginning to seem like the start of a beautiful friendship
DeepDiscountDVD.com. How I love thee for being so inexpensive. How I hate thee for making me wait 4 - 6 weeks to receive my DVD's. I just got one in the mail today and practically forgot I even ordered this one over a month ago. Consider that to be the last thing I ever order from you again. I shudder to think about what would happen if you ever started offering mail-in rebates. Yikes. Anyway, it was fun while it lasted, but it's over now. It's not me -- it's you. Go away. Shoo!
- posted by Connie @ 9/19/2005 04:36:00 PM 6 comments

 
to think how much my parents spent on World Book
If Wikipedia were a person, I'd want to be Mrs. Connie Wikipedia. If Wikipedia were a resource available to me as a child, our family could have spent the bajillion dollars on something else, instead of the massive entire-bookshelf-occupying, red leather-bound, gilded-lettered World Book Encyclopedia. Yes, that's right. World Book. We couldn't afford Britannica.

Wikipedia, both in its concept and use, sometimes makes me weep. It really is that perfect.
- posted by Connie @ 9/17/2005 04:23:00 PM 5 comments

 
Actual conversation had at work (some Friday ago)
Herm and I are sitting at the common area at work for lunch, combing the huge Friday Fry's ad, a weekly ritual for almost everyone on our floor, but for the two of us gadget sluts, it's a religious rite.

Connie: omg! the p-touch is only 9.99!
Herm: dude. that might be worth it to buy just for the cartridge alone.
Connie: awww, duuuude... never mind. it's refurbished.
Herm: who the fuck cares? it's a label-maker! besides, i've decided that since i always get refurbished girlfriends, electronics can be, too.
- posted by Connie @ 9/16/2005 02:23:00 PM 0 comments

 
WANTED: Self-awareness for casual carpool drivers
So I got into a carpool car this morning, and when I went to put my seatbelt on, my finger got slimed with something that looked like strawberry jam (it later turned out to be very old ketchup...when ketchup resembles strawberry jam, you *know* that shit be old). I told the driver, a 40-something African American lady in a green Acura TL (the old body style, not the "it" car of the moment), of my situation by showing her my soiled finger and mumbling something about how it came from her seatbelt. Then, I looked at the rest of the rear seat and noticed it was disgusting. Not cluttered with stuff -- in fact, it was devoid of any objects or trash -- just that the seat itself was badly in need of a vacuuming, as well as several goings-over with a wet washcloth. Part of me thought, "geez, why don't I just go into the next car, already", but thought that I'd at least give her a chance to redeem herself. She murmured something about her kids, but I didn't catch it -- probably the blame assignment, not that I could give a rat's ass who was the culprit. She got out of the car to the trunk, then came to my side of the car (right side rear door), and handed me -- get this -- two tissues. Presumably, she gave this to me so that I can deal with my hand, but clearly she was missing the larger point. I used one tissue for my hand, but got out of the car completely to try to wipe down the back seat of her car with the other tissue, taking special notice of the seatbelt. As I stood there, bent over, fastidiously working on detailing her backseat, I took a moment to remember myself and realize what was going on, and just like that, I snapped out of it. I looked at her and said, "you know what, lady, I really don't feel like cleaning your car." she said, "i beg your pardon?" and then I repeated, very loudly, so that everyone in the carpool line could hear: "i said, as much fun as this is, I really don't feel like cleaning your car for you, so you can find another passenger!" and just in case she still didn't understand her native language, i said, for good measure: "lady, your car is dirty!"

I couldn't believe that she looked at me like I was the crazy one. Man, and I thought I was unclean. If that is true, then this woman was FILTHY. Not to mention, she has no business thinking for a second that she should be picking up passengers in her car o' filth. Know when you are too dirty to open your car up to innocent passengers who want their clothes and sensibilities to remain clean.
- posted by Connie @ 9/14/2005 11:12:00 PM 11 comments

 
Actual conversation had just now with my officemate
John: i before e except...C or P is it?
Connie: it's I before E except after C, or when sounding like AY as in neighbor and weigh.
John: oh my goodness! i guess my kids will be allowed to go to school after all.
Connie: no, this is not an endorsement for school john, you should just have them home-schooled by me.
John: umm, no, i don't think so. as a matter of fact, neither you nor herm can come within a 5-mile radius of my kids.
Connie: oh.
- posted by Connie @ 9/14/2005 02:43:00 PM 1 comments

 
When Good TV gets Boring
Sunday Family Guy premier. Lackluster. Tuesday Gilmore Girls premier. Yawn. I don't know what to live for anymore when I get home.
- posted by Connie @ 9/14/2005 11:44:00 AM 5 comments

 
Retard and Retarder
Actual im convo had not in my presence

Mike: ever watch carlos mencia?
Herm: ?
Herm: what is that?
Mike: mind of mencia is new comedy central show
Herm: no
Mike: kinda like dave chappelle, Latino style
Mike: hella funny
Mike: anyway, he makes fun of retards all the time
Mike: not handicapped people, but normal people who are retarded
Herm: nice
Herm: and you don't take offense?
Mike: so anyway, dunno why you made me think of that
Mike: ... Retard.
Herm: dumbass
- posted by Connie @ 9/13/2005 03:27:00 PM 0 comments

 
I guess they're skankifying the Christians now


well, i guess skankify is too extreme of a word...it's just the fact that, with that makeup, seductive hair, tight sweater, hip jeans, and thin body, they're definitely using sex appeal to reel in those tech-savvy Christians. look at her slightly bent over, readying herself to take it in the ass...i love it!

can't wait for my next christian email. i wonder what it will take to convert me. christian porn?
- posted by Connie @ 9/12/2005 03:58:00 PM 4 comments

 
in 1985, Aimee Mann was 25 years old
Dear Nate and Herm,

Do you remember the other day at lunch when you guys were curious as to who sang the song "Voices Carry"? I immediately but admittedly hesitatingly blurted "Aimee Mann". Both of you thought I was nuts, especially Herm, who said to me, "You fucknut, 'Voices Carry' is from the 80's", as if to say that Aimee Mann was suddenly born 3 years ago or something. I remember insisting that Aimee Mann was at least 20 during the 80's, but didn't want to argue the point further since I wasn't 100% sure; a tactic of humility that may serve either or both of you well someday. Especially since, guess what, you fucknuts: "Voices Carry" was done by 'Til Tuesday, which was comprised of none other than three people plus Aimee fucking Mann. So fuck you, and you. That's for doubting me. And making ME feel stupid when I was right all along, as usual. Herm I could have expected this from, but Nate, you should know better.

Love,
Connie
- posted by Connie @ 9/10/2005 04:47:00 PM 4 comments

 
gently used 20GB iPod, all offers considered
apple fuckers. can't ever keep up. uber-coolness eludes me yet again.
- posted by Connie @ 9/08/2005 10:04:00 AM 0 comments

 
shit, shit, shit!!!
remember that whole bit about wanting to save money? well, errrr, ummmm, i just got TiVo. i had to. for the new TV seasons. and to join the modern world. and since i'm getting lifetime service, it just set me back 500 clams. so, the budget starts riiiight now. says the incorrigible spender. damn, damn, damn.
- posted by Connie @ 9/06/2005 04:41:00 PM 3 comments

 
A Letter to the President of the United Red States of America
(this letter was written on Saturday morning, September 3, 2005, but I wasn't able to publish this until Monday evening, September 5.)

You know, George, in a perverse way, I actually am in awe of you. You have done an amazingly consistent job of dicking people over, time and again, but never did I think that your greatest feat to come would be to dick over the very people who supported you when you needed it the most. Seems like such a long time ago, doesn't it? Ancient history? It hasn't even been a year yet, you fucknut, it was November 2004, for cryin' out loud. Some might say or think that the greatest enemy of your supporters at one point could be us, the Californians, that pesky group of hippies with flowers in our hair. Well, guess what? That irritating little bunch of Californians was among the first to rush aid and funds because we understand that it's not about winning or losing a stupid contest, but about supporting our neighbors. We are supposed to help each other in times of need -- did you forget that? If I were a sicker person, someone like, oh hell, someone like YOU, I would say something like "hunh -- they kinda got what they deserved for voting for your sorry ass...for being more afraid by the potential realization of your anti-gay pro-war fundamentalist indoctrination bullshit than the actual burden of rationally thinking through what a second term with you truly meant. they really got theirs, didn't they?" But I'm not as sick as you, so I wouldn't say such a thing. However, it is rather unfortunate that those same people didn't get the clue from your delayed reaction to 9/11 that it was a hint of what was to come -- that not only are you incapable of offering help during dire times, but that you really and truly don't care. The saddest and sickest part of all of this is that everyone BUT YOU is helping, and it wasn't as if anyone was asking you to literally roll up your sleeves (though even that symbolic gesture might have been nice). The only thing you needed to do was to tell someone to make it happen. This, while real people, even those who have sustained losses of their own, are actually doing some shit-work because they actually care, bringing food, ice, water, supplies to people who actually need it, and waiting countless hours in line for fuel that costs a bajillion dollars per gallon to provide that help for nothing in return. Yeah, pretty amazing, huh?

I'm not going to bother with revealing my private fantasies about what awaits you in the afterlife. I'm not even a religious person (like you are - *snicker*), but I do know that there is a special place in hell reserved for you, so that you can finally stand trial for all the suffering that you did nothing to try to stop or reverse over the past 5 years, and especially this month.

I want you to just think for a minute about what it would feel like if one of your daughters, say 14 years ago, at the tender age of 9, was separated from you and Laura during a crisis. Imagine her lost, wandering, hungry, thirsty...and then someone finds her. Thank God she is found, you're thinking, right? Because in a time of crisis, to be found when you are 9 years old and displaced is a good thing, you're thinking. Well, that is true, except when the person who finds her plans to rape her for four hours until she is dead. Or did you shield your ears and eyes from THAT news coverage of what was happening in the terror camps of Superdome and Astrodome, among many other horrific incidents almost too gruesome to consider? YOU let these deaths happen. No one had to die after the initial impact of Katrina. And you will pay for your inaction, you horrible, lazy, brainless sack of shit. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, and maybe not in this lifetime, but someday you will stand trial.

Let's face it. The greatest act of treason against the U.S. has been committed by you alone. Because NO ONE -- not the French, not Osama bin Laden, not al-Qaida -- NO ONE hates America or Americans as much as you do, George. This country has no president. Sorry for "bothering" you while you were on vacation. Again.
- posted by Connie @ 9/05/2005 05:51:00 PM 1 comments

 
i didn't know it would be that bad
and then i realized it was, and then some. so i donated. maybe you could, too? click here.

of course, i wish there was a special fund set up especially to kick the looters' asses one by one; in the absence of such, i have to go the traditional route. eh, what can ya do...
- posted by Connie @ 8/31/2005 11:06:00 PM 1 comments

 
my name is connie. and i'm a web shopaholic
how did it come to this? my mother is so parsimonious that i usually describe her as one who does not merely pinch pennies, but crushes them beyond recognition. my father yields to his adventurous (read: fund-depleting) side to a far greater degree, but is still quite tame when it comes to the risk of overspending or hypershopping. where did i go wrong? i started off, in a way, sort of like my mother, understanding almost too well (and almost to a fault) the value of money, and knowing where to find the best deals, using coupons when it made sense to, asking for specials where available. of course i can't hold a candle to her, but i was not clueless when it came to spending.

even now, well beyond my college years and top ramen days, i still know how to find a good -- nay, great -- deal on things that i want or need, whether it's a Total-Trolley or a bag of rice. and now that i make more than the 500 a month i was earning at the library slinging books and newspapers at the tender age of 19, it feels like the dealhunting is above and beyond what is even necessary for my income; it's 'extra credit', in a sense. yes, i think it is safe to say that finding a deal has never been my problem. nor has the bigger picture been lost on me. i knew that i should save some for retirement (check!), save some for a rainy day (check!), give to charity (check!), own my car (check!), buy a home (check!) don't carry a balance on credit cards (check!) everything seemed cool and under control. for a time.

imagine my surprise when i became suddenly aware of this growing condition within me. i didn't know how to put a name on it, until i realized that it was quite an old-fashioned concept. i'm addicted to shopping! not regular shopping -- god, no...put me in a mall, and i will shrivel up into a ball and disintegrate within minutes -- but online shopping. it is to me what online poker is for those addicted to gambling: incredibly accessible, somewhat surreal, seemingly without consequences, and almost impossible to quit.

sure, i saved over 50% on an item that i would have to spend at least 90 on, and 70 dollars on this gadget that i had thought about for a while and finally caved in to...and countless other recent examples, but after all is said and done, i still have an actual dollar amount liability for every damn click of the "purchase" button. the good part is that i don't need the latest plasma TV, i don't want a digital SLR for a camera, i don't want a BMW, etc. nothing is beyond reach for me, for my taste is not very extravagant. but that is what triggers the lack of control. i never feel that i am overdoing it because i've tricked myself into thinking that i deserve to have no limits as a reward for having modest taste. see the pickle i'm in?

as disturbed as i am, i'm glad to have finally discovered, articulated and admitted that there is indeed a problem, and i must put some controlling measures in place very soon, or i will spin out of control. what is needed? limited computer time? budgets have never worked for me...so what do i do?
- posted by Connie @ 8/30/2005 05:59:00 PM 0 comments

 
how can you miss your target so spectacularly?
i'm as impressed as i am disgusted. i want to figure out how this happened...how is it even physically possible? i needed to go to the restroom at marine world -- this was about 40 mins after the park officially opened, and i dared to enter the handicapped restroom. this is what i saw just before immediately hightailing it the fuck outta there. i didn't even stay in there for more than 2 seconds, and i most certainly didn't need to go to the bathroom anymore! from the sheer trauma of this sight, my urine was like, "no thanks, i'll wait til we get home, thank you" and it hid for 2 hours before i could coax it out again. i'm sorry for what you are about to see -- but you know me...i gotta share. especially when it's extremely revolting... click here. For the remaining Marine World photos, click here.
- posted by Connie @ 8/28/2005 03:53:00 PM 3 comments

 
Actual conversation had in car on the way back from Marine World
Mike: What is animal-style exactly?
Connie: I'll tell you exactly what it is. Add pickles. Add grilled onions. Double the sauce. Grill a light mustard-like sauce into the bun.
Mike: I don't think they add pickles in L.A.
Connie: What are you talking about? They do too!
Mike: I really don't think so. I don't remember getting pickles in L.A. when i order animal-style
Connie: So, are you saying animal-style is like a dialect?
Mike: In the sense that the most popular style of anything becomes that region's choice, then yeah!
Connie: Um, i'm pretty sure animal-style is the same everywhere.
Mike: Like in the south, they probably slap some grilled onions on their burgers and deep fry the whole thing.
- posted by Connie @ 8/27/2005 10:12:00 AM 1 comments

 
an open letter to some recent contact-attempters
if you are reading this message and it strikes a nerve, then it means that you might have tried contacting me when you shouldn't have. we may have dated months ago, maybe years ago. we might have even had a relationship. but we're not friends now.

we live in a time when everyone thinks they are so openminded and progressive and friendly and all that other new-agey feelgood bullshit, but some things are tried and true because they are time-tested over the ages, and they are unmistakably human -- like the failed endeavor of being friends after all has been said and done. why do you feel that we should be the exception? in some cases, i was hurt; in other cases, i was not hurt at all, but after all details are fully fleshed out and all the dust has been cleared, the relevant remainder is that what we ended up with was nothing. why would that be? because we were not friends to begin with, and we would not ultimately remain "friends", if that wasn't there to begin with. i'm not going to go through the asinine routine of pretending to be cheerful when i honestly just don't feel like talking to you, much less being your friend.

i don't know what you want from me. but i swear something is in the air or in the water that is causing ex-boyfriends and ex-almost-boyfriends to come out of the woodwork like y'all realized it was February fucking 13th or something.

let's be clear: i don't owe you shit. i was hella cool to you during our time together, and i'm still hella cool about shit now. but you don't deserve me being cool to you anymore because you didn't appreciate it the first time around, and now you think you can collect on something you were never owed in the first place. our time has long since come and gone. this standing invitation that you have deluded yourself into thinking is still valid had expired eons ago, but you didn't notice.

hey, listen. i don't hate you. i never will hate you. i just don't want to know you or talk to you. i'm so much better off with true friends with whom i don't have to pretend into existence a connection. and i think you would be, too.
- posted by Connie @ 8/22/2005 01:33:00 PM

 
only one of these book titles is real. can you guess?
a friday afternoon actual work conversation:
connie: hey, john, i just ordered this book called "The Koreans: Who They Are, What They Want, Where Their Future Lies". should be interesting to learn about my people, through the eyes of a Briton.
john: tell herm that we can order for him: "The Iranians: Who they Were, Why we nuke them, and Why gas is now only 99c per gallon"
connie: hey, nate, want me to order for you: "The Indians: Who they are, Why they sold out, How little their software engineers will work for, and How much they'll sell their nukes for"?
[laughter in room]
pause.
connie: oh, cool! all are eligible for Free Super Saver Shipping.
- posted by Connie @ 8/19/2005 02:18:00 PM 1 comments

 
tyron? baby, i know you're out there
i'm going to dedicate this entire post to you, tyron leitso. i know that i once said tom welling is the hottest guy on television. i don't even watch smallville - i said this on the basis of advertisements and channel-surfing. so i lied. and i'm truly sorry. it's you; it's always been you, i just didn't know it yet.

*swooooooooon*

the only thing that bugs me is that your character on Wonderfalls looks too much like he could be the leading lady's sister, so it kinda grosses me out when you kiss 'n' stuff. but it's worth it, i guess.

anyway, if you don't get on another show quick, i'm just going to get rid of my tv. i mean it!
- posted by Connie @ 8/18/2005 01:24:00 PM 2 comments

 
Lazy T9ers make for fun games
t9 is such a wonderful thing...it has room for improvement, but in general, it's pretty darn cool. but how lazy are we becoming when we don't even do the work of scrolling through the options and just letting the default selection rule our worlds?

excerpts from actual text messages:
[background: some dude got up off his seat on my bus and left a ginormous sweat mark -- i immediately snapped a picture and sms'd herm to tell him to remind me to show him the pic]
his sms: "That's gross. only you would soap a picture!" [really now....soap a picture, would i? or SNAP a picture?!]
another sms: "i am on strike. stupid phone acting crazy. ebon" [ebon? i had to decode it using my phone...and it eventually resolves to "damn"]
another sms: "working on the usual and my back hurts" [had we previously established some sort of "usual" routine that this person regularly works on that i didn't know about? "usual" also resolves to "truck"]

Before, it kinda annoyed me in the same way that typos annoy me, but it takes a special kind of anal retentive person to let sms typos get to you. I am pretty sure I am not that person, because now i have fun with it -- like a little puzzle i must figure out in order to decode the message. I guess laziness can lead to extra brain activity after all. At least for the other person.
- posted by Connie @ 8/17/2005 11:41:00 AM 1 comments

 
shoot first, ask questions later -- DUBLIN COPS BETTER PAY
those overzealous dublin cops better fuckin' check themselves!!! they're out of control! killing a 60 year old korean dude...what the fuck!!? they can't think of ANY OTHER METHOD to quell a 60-year-old knife-wielding man besides shooting him dead??! I, as a citizen, am not allowed to buy and use a police-grade taser (which i would love to own, by the way), but if the cops evidently aren't using them, and I'm not allowed to have one, who's fucking using them?? oh, and then they go on to fucking kill a bystander?! he didn't even do anything! i'm so incensed...beyond...words!!! AH!!! no sense, these fucking cops. so help me god if there isn't an internal investigation for this, or there will be fucking repercussions.

they're so fucking retarded. maybe if they'd get some training in conflict resolution, rather than spending so much time giving speeding tickets to people going 32 in a 30mph zone, they wouldn't be such fucknuts. FUCK YOU, dublin idiot cops. this korean bitch is pissed.
- posted by Connie @ 8/15/2005 09:35:00 PM 0 comments

 
Dancing with Babies
Last night, i danced with a boy who said he was 21. It was an 18+ event, so I realize that this could have been a lie -- he could have been 19, or even 18. But let's go with 21. When he said 21, the first thing I did was smile. Then, I laughed. Not maniacally, and not scornfully, just a knowing subdued resigned chuckle that "it figures". When he guessed my age at 23, I think my laugh went from mellow to full belly-ache.

The real truth is that, when he said the words "twenty one", my Asian math gene kicked in, and i started doing the requisite subtracting and began to give in to the shock at the realization that he was born in 19-fucking-84. Wow. I actually remember news coverage -- lots of it, by old standards -- for the re-election campaign of Reagan, and the improbable but unforgettable pair of Mondale/Ferraro, and, being 9 years old, I really couldn't understand or care much for the political significance or ramifications of either outcome, and am now ashamed to admit that I actually recall being happy that Reagan was re-elected for reasons purely superficial and vaguely sentimental: he had a very benign paternal quality about him that made me feel good and safe. This is why 9 year olds cannot and should not vote.

Regardless of the strange political stance i held in my painfully ignorant youth, the point is that I was old enough to remember this media coverage back in 19-fucking-84, and to think that sometime that year, a baby named Jorge was brought into this world, where 21 years later, he would dance with me, someone from whom the yearly equivalent of 2 presidential terms he is distanced. Pretty fucking sobering, considering how much I drank.
- posted by Connie @ 8/14/2005 03:02:00 PM 1 comments

 
Climbing Cathedral Peak - photos
Here are the photos from my first outdoor climbing excursion at Cathdreal Peak/Tuolomne Meadows/Yosemite with Steve (Mr. Yellow) and Poorna (Mr. Brown) [ed. note: not my monikers, i'm just enjoying free use of them]. Thanks to Steve and his undying pursuit of making sure he takes each and every one of his friends outdoor climbing at least once. The experience was amazing, and I may blog about it someday soon, but not today.

So the pictures would be everything before and after the crazy-ass lightning/thunder/rain/hail storm that came out of fucking nowhere (lightning even struck the mountain -- that's right, the very peak we were trying to climb) and had us rappelling the fuck outta there SWAT style.
- posted by Connie @ 8/11/2005 04:17:00 PM 0 comments

 
No Wonder it Fell
Now that I've bought the 13-episode DVD set of Wonderfalls, the short-lived Fox drama that got axed after a mere 4 episodes, I'm appreciating it even more than when I enjoyed it the first time it aired. I've only gone through 3 episodes -- all ones that I've already seen, mind you -- and I'm still watching it with the same awe and wonder (pun intended) that seized me the first time. I can't wait to get through the rest of the never-aired eps, but man, I just have to say that it is a damn shame that this show was put to rest. But it's no surprise. It is excellent. (meaning: too good for regular TV)
- posted by Connie @ 8/10/2005 09:55:00 AM 0 comments

 
negotiating the terms of watching Broken Flowers tomorrow night
Connie: we seeing 7:30 show or earlier?
Herm: 7:30 sounds good, get a bite to eat beforehand
Connie: no no 6:30 show. eat afterward
Herm: NO!
Connie: eeesh
Connie: where do you want to eat den?
Herm: let's decide tomorrow
Connie: i know! taylor's!
Connie: i'll pay
Herm: OK! I LOVE TAYLORS
Connie: you hate taylor's tho!
Herm: I LUV THEIR FREE BURGERS!
Connie: you're worse than the chinese
Herm: so...if you have garbage from Taylors....would it be Taylor Trash?
Connie: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA
- posted by Connie @ 8/09/2005 06:12:00 PM 0 comments

 
true geek claim to fame
you know, i'll admit it. i really thought i was something when i got one of my postings immortalized on craigslist by becoming a 'best of'. but somehow, it doesn't quite feel as good as having one of my bargain-alert submissions to techbargains be posted and credited to me (even though one can argue that the latter is far less challenging to accomplish -- it's more that it solidified the geek status that was hitherto one that i was reluctant to accept, but of late am secretly and perversely proud of). i check this site daily (when i'm not in shopping mode), but if i'm looking for something, i check it several times a day. i had been shopping for a quasi-SLR camera for a while (a sub-category that i believe cnet, amazon and other camera review and/or buying sites should create now, with Fuji S5100 and Canon 'S1' and 'S2 IS' leading that pack), and had noticed that the Canon S2 IS had best prices of somewhere between 475 and 499. i added it to my cart on amazon yesterday, and it was 463. i sat on it, and checked again at midnight last night, and it jumped up to 499. darn, i thought. well, this morning at around 10, i checked again and it was $439 (out the door)! i wasn't going to make the same mistake and wait, so i bought it, and then promptly sent the deal to techbargains with all the salient details (no tax in CA, free shipping, currently backordered, could take a while, etc.) here it is, in all its glory.
- posted by Connie @ 8/01/2005 05:08:00 PM 1 comments

 
Actual conversation had near my desk at 4:35pm
Herm: who wants to go pick up the REI clinic schedule for August?
[pause]
Herm: wait, never mind, they probably have that online.
Wu: i can do it. 'cause then we can go to Fuddruckers afterward. My boy really likes going there.
Herm: which one do you go to?
Wu: concord
Connie: CONCORD? there's a Fuddruckers in emeryville, at the bay street complex!
Wu: [pauses for 5 seconds] yeah...but...the concord one...is 2 blocks from fry's.
Herm: dude. just admit you didn't know.
[laughter]
Connie: if you go to emeryville, you can go to Fuddruckers for your meal, then q-cup for dessert!
Wu (who is Chinese, fer cryin' out loud): uhh...what's q-cup?
Herm: [shaking his head] no john. don't do it. don't buy into that asian conspiracy to turn you into drug mules with those gigantic gelatin nauseating pearls that they pass off as drinks.
- posted by Connie @ 7/25/2005 04:45:00 PM 1 comments

 
not your mother's laserium
those of you who grew up in L.A. will fondly recall Griffith Park Observatory and its laserium, famous for moving laser images projected onto the gigantic dome planetarium, choreographed to awesome music (the one i went to in 10th grade was all done to U2's greatest works). some of you may only have been exposed to it in Freaks & Geeks, but fondly remember it all the same. and still, some more of you may recall having made out for the first time in the unique semi-reclined seats of the beloved laserium, with the with head support and everything (eww, get your mind out of the gutter).

well, as an altogether different yet vaguely familiar throwback to those times, Oakland's costly and overly ambitious Chabot Space and Science Center has launched its summer Sonic Vision program, a "trip out of this world and into the minds of the universe’s most creative musical artists and digital animators, set to a soundtrack featuring today’s coolest music. This mind-warping roller-coaster ride is mixed by Moby and features tracks from Radiohead, U2, David Bowie, Coldplay, and many more. The show uses next-generation digital technology to illuminate the Planetarium’s dome with a dazzling morphing of colorful visions in this one-of-a-kind computer-generated musical and visual experience."

the roller coaster part is no exaggeration. there were times when i felt that same gripping, stomach-in-your-throat sensation that you get during intense roller coaster rides, and every time i felt myself almost getting sick, it would mellow out into a more subdued "trip", if you will. if you've never done hallucinogenic drugs, but have been curious, or if you miss doing them, this is the show for you. though i would have loved to watch it in an altered state, i almost think it might have been overkill. this show needs no enhancement. i don't think lasers are involved anymore in this kind of show, but it's not like you'd miss them. (that whole concept seems pretty obsolete now -- even Griffith Park's laserium is renovating and scrambling to come up with a similar type of show.) there were audible ooohs and ahhhs and whoas from the audience, and you could literally see people ducking and moving with the images, and there were times that it felt like images were practically crashing down upon us.

check it out - it only plays on fridays and saturdays at 7:00pm and 9:15pm, with a running time of 38 minutes. to the loser who fell asleep 3 rows behind us (yes, herm, i'm talking to you): try to come before your bedtime.
- posted by Connie @ 7/24/2005 02:49:00 PM 1 comments

 
"now that margaret cho is all skinny, i'm no longer the 'skinny korean american female comic' "
those would be the words of funny girl tina kim, comedienne extraordinaire. (that would be majorly self-effacing humor -- she's plenty skinny! just look at her!) i caught her late show on saturday night at the purple onion. 'late show' on the advice of a friend, who was lucky enough to catch dave chappelle being especially long-winded at one of his late shows, so with that hope in mind, i booked the late show. in this case, it wasn't the best decision, since she (self-admittedly) was tired and couldn't remember if she had done certain jokes, but you know what? who gives a fuck, cuz it was kinda cute when she did that.

she is not the "clean version of margaret cho" nor any variation of that theme, so you can spare yourself the burden of having to draw any sort of comparison. yes, very good, they're both korean! but they're different. leave it there.

tina, i think, made her most significant impact on me as she was talking about dating, and single life in general as a 30-ish KoreAm female. i could relate to so much of what she said, but the difference is that she can translate her experiences into ones that others can laugh at. i just translate my experiences into ones that i can laugh at myself later for, or blog about so 3 more people can laugh at me. although, i can't blog about, in particular, dating experiences for obvious reasons, so it's awesome when someone out there whom i completely identify with says stuff that totally resonates so that i don't have to find ways to express my own shit with a creative blend of intentional ambiguity and necessary specificity as an outlet.

anyway, this girl is funny. she is raw, she is random, she is smart, she is determined. and she's cute. and come on, she's asian, so if nothing else, go check her out cuz she's sooo fuckin' exotic! catch her show in Pasadena on Aug 28. She'll come back to the Purple Onion in San Francisco, too, probably in October.

I'll leave you with a butchered tina kim quote that is still making me chuckle:
"oh, you're korean? i've dated a korean girl once!"
"oh, what a coincidence! i've talked to an ugly white guy before, too!"

buy her CD here.
- posted by Connie @ 7/18/2005 11:58:00 PM 4 comments

 
Pics from Monterey and Laguna Seca
Last weekend, Hermin, Todd, Ujin, and Peru went to Fernwood Resort in Big Sur to camp, and then to Laguna Seca for the superbike races. I joined on Saturday evening for the Cannery Row festivities, smores back at camp, and Laguna Seca all day Sunday. What follows are photos not for the meek, not for those with attention deficit disorder and/or carpal tunnel syndrome, and most certainly not for those who get queasy around crack. And I'm not talking about the drug. You've been warned.

Monterey and Laguna Seca, also known as "my first experience with Picasa"
- posted by Connie @ 7/15/2005 11:51:00 AM 0 comments

 
A change has done me no good
As I packed up the box that all my DSL equipment came in, carefully putting in all the line filters, cables, the modem and power supply, I noticed that inside the box SBC/Yahoo was so kind as to have included a UPS return label already printed out so that I simply had to apply it to the box and drop it off at any UPS location. That bit of foresight (or, perhaps, corporate self-awareness?) is probably the only thing they have done right throughout this entire experience. I credit them for letting this troubled relationship end on a very bright note, but I'd be a fool if I didn't learn the most important lesson of all: change is bad. Especially if it is enticed by a second-rate cheap hussy like SBC.
- posted by Connie @ 7/14/2005 10:37:00 AM 0 comments

 
we're so corny, but at least we're polite: an im convo
earlier in the day, herm had expressed that he would never drink sodas again. and yet...

[16:06] Herm: I have MinneSoda at my desk
[16:06] Connie: haahha
[16:07] Connie: i thought you were Nevadarinking those again
[16:08] Herm: hahaha
[16:08] Herm: good one
[16:08] Connie: thanks

i swear, this conversation is proof positive that i'm turning into my dad, the master of humor of the corny variety, also known as the "i crack me up" designation.
- posted by Connie @ 7/13/2005 04:34:00 PM 1 comments

 
that shit was amazing!
not an exaggeration. and, i mean it literally. i had the most amazing shit, and by "amazing shit", i am not referring to the quality of the excreted product so much as the olfactory aspect of it. or lack thereof. and not that it lacked major potential to have quite an extraordinary olfactory aspect this particular time.

those japanese are at it again! though they have been accused and convicted numerous times in the 'wacky inventions' department, this one is not nearly as wacky as it is practical. and it's beneficial to all of mankind, and to many right within your immediate vicinity.

squirt exactly 2 drops of this liquid into the toilet bowl that you intend to defecate in, and you will have virtually no smell emanating from the offensive bowl. i have tried many methods for making the office bathroom a nose-friendly environment, such as the patented, Herm-branded "poop-n-flush"; my own variation of "poop-n-flush-n-spray"; and many of these don't really work that well, or they leave too much lung-clogging air pollution from those pesky synthetic sprays. this wonderful product not only does not have other secondary ill-effects, it's also so discreet that no one even needs to know that you brought it into the bathroom, let alone used it. i'm amazed at how little product is needed for complete efficacy.

i used it for the first time today, and i'm a believer. this shit is worth its weight in gold! gold, jerry!

they should soon propose a law to make this a requirement for every citizen to carry on their person with intent to use public facilities. my only hope is that there are no deleterious effects on the environment created by this lovely invention.

[special thanks to dina for sending me this as part of her elaborate "from hawaii, with love" care package. to think that, between the chocolate, the cookies from Hilo, season 2 AND 3 of gilmore girls dvd's, plumeria earrings, lip gloss (which is my staff of life), fancy hand cream (god knows my gnarly ass hands need all the help they can get), cell phone pouch, and this, it's the SHIT DEODORIZING DROPS that i end up loving and cherishing? i swear, you're the best! it's great when friends know you well enough to know exactly the shit you really want. love ya grrrl!]
- posted by Connie @ 7/11/2005 03:13:00 PM 3 comments

 
Actual email from a coworker
i left work around 2:30pm last Friday for an optical appointment so i didn't get a chance to say bye to a coworker friend who would be gone for the entirety of this week, nor did he get a chance to ask me to babysit his plant. the following email picks up from there.

-----Original Message-----
From: Michael Hall
Sent: Friday, July 01, 2005 3:55 PM
To: Connie Chun
Subject: a missed chance at motherhood


Connie,

Do you understand the pain you have put me through with your eye appointment?

Because you were out, I had to ask Herm to babysit my bamboo next week. Yes, you would have been the most obvious choice:

1. You are a girl, so there's a higher chance of a motherly instinct. Yes, even for you.
2. You shower regularly. That comfort level with water is essential.
3. You just got back from Japan. You must have learned something.
4. You are Asian, and so is my bamboo.

Now, I am trusting him. *gulp* I have to. But should he slip up, just once, please call child protective services and rescue my beloved desk companion. Taking care of her is simple.

1. Pour in water. Arrowhead, not tap. Puuh-leeze! A little spittle in the water from a cup you are drinking out of is fine.
2. Wait a few days.
3. Sing her a song.
4. Repeat.

Have a good week! Peace out my brutha!

Mike
- posted by Connie @ 7/06/2005 09:45:00 AM 2 comments

 
Fireworks: an interpretive dance of lights about sex
The thought never really occurred to me until just now, but upon reflection of my annual fireworks viewing last night, I realized how much fireworks displays are a lot like sex. There's a good amount of effort required to get there; for some, they must plan this out for days, for others, it's impromptu, but it still requires a baseline amount of effort to get there. Once there, you wait a bit, awkwardly fumbling until you get comfortable. Then it starts. It's fairly impressive, and at times, really great. Then it starts to build slowly. Gradually increasing in its splendor, and then retreating, plateauing out, and then a little boring, and then after about 30 minutes, and without warning...a grand climactic explosion of thousands of lights and deafening sound and mind-blowing fanfare!!! BANG! BOOM!
- posted by Connie @ 7/05/2005 03:33:00 PM 1 comments

 
Yelp me yelp you!
If you don't know what "yelp" is, it's basically like blogger meets citysearch meets friendster. In a nutshell, real people like you and me (as opposed to fake people) write reviews on real places that we really visit, like the neighborhood bar, or our favorite restaurants, etc. It's actually perfect for someone like me (and that's actually why my friend Nate sent me the original service invite to begin with), but for some reason I've been lazy about writing anything for them. Regardless, and uncharacteristically, I'm on their weekly email distribution list and I received the typical "This Week on Yelp" or "People are Yelping about" email. I'll usually glance at it real quick to see if it's an establishment I already know about, or something new and noteworthy yet but soon to make it onto my radar. I did a double-take on this particular one, where I saw the name of an "establishment" that seemed new to me, but sounded vaguely familiar. On closer glance, I have determined that it is one that I know all too well: "Men". Check out this hilarity.
- posted by Connie @ 7/05/2005 09:44:00 AM 1 comments

 
Remove debt the Christian way...with a ReFi!
It's sorta like fighting fire with fire, but I guess you can remove one debt by replacing it with another. But the important take-away point here is that we finally figured out how to "Remove Debt the Christian Way"! It's like the gift that keeps on giving. Thank you, Jesus!


- posted by Connie @ 7/01/2005 11:03:00 AM 1 comments

 
The plastic casing of my modem was not even yet warm
So I opened up my UPS-delivered box from SBC/Yahoo, and liberated all of the DSL paraphernalia from all of the factory sealing, and - I have to admit - I was almost looking forward to hooking myself up with some 14.95/mo DSL. This was around 9pm last night. As soon as I got to the point where it was trying to establish connection, whattya know? DSL was down. 9:20pm and I'm on the phone with SBC. Those antigeniuses think that an outage in Livermore might be affecting me. Hello? That is over 30 miles east of me. Is that the closest central office to Oakland? If something in Livermore potentially affects me, then that is a sign to run away very fast. 10:28pm is when I finally hung up with tech support and I had gotten no further. Cocksucking sons of bitches mother fucking bullshit damnit all to bloody hell. Why do I bother? Thank god my comcast is still active.

I weep for the future.
- posted by Connie @ 6/30/2005 02:24:00 PM 2 comments

 
Funniest conversation I never heard today
This was right after a work party that involved alcohol. Some background: I have the flu. More background: Herm did in fact say that he felt drunk after drinking half a beer. Even more background: Herm has been spotted driving his dad's Dodge Viper on the weekends because he thinks it gets him chicks. Years later, he's still wondering what he's doing wrong.

mike: i love the alceehol
mike: i had a tummy ache from lunch (from my own cooking), but drank a drink and feel great now
herm: it's amazing how alcohol neutralizes germs and bacteria isn't it!
mike: thats why Connie needs to chug some bacardi
herm: connie=wuss
mike: "I drank one beer and now I'm totally drunk" -Herm, 10 minutes ago
mike: need I remind you.
mike: you called the 90 pound asian girl a light weight
herm: hahaha
herm: i b mess n
herm: i can drink like a 650lb catfish!
mike: dont lie
mike: you dont gotta compensate with me
herm: :|
mike: drive your viper for the ladies all you need
mike: but dont lie about the drinking to me, bud!
- posted by Connie @ 6/29/2005 05:14:00 PM 1 comments

 
brief fantasy: Being Mrs. Seth MacFarlane
Is it wrong that i want to have Seth MacFarlane's children? it's not like he's a classic heartthrob but i think that's why i love him so. he's kinda geeky, kinda dangerous, kinda major fucking talented. i even noticed his bit part in season 2 of gilmore girls as the obnoxious Zach. he was great! oh, and he could be my voice coach! it's my dream job to do animation voices, and he is the master. while makin' out, he could whisper obnoxiously condescending sweet-nothings in my ear in his Stewie voice, and then switch to the sophisticated Brian voice. ahhh, *swoon*. i see great things for our future, Seth. call me!
- posted by Connie @ 6/24/2005 04:35:00 PM 0 comments

 
feelin' like shit
from an actual im conversation had at work today. herm and i were both feeling terribly today, for different reasons (him intense tooth pain, me shoulder pain + flu-like symptoms). this dialogue happened about an hour after we each popped a tylenol.

Herm: can I take a second pill? I'm dying
Connie: ok. i'm dying too
Connie: i'm pretty sure i'm going home soon. very soon.
Herm: i'm sorry
Connie: i'm sorry for you too
Connie: how did this happen? we're so broken!!
Herm: :-(
Herm: factory defects
Herm: lemon law!!
Connie: we each have more than 5 dead pixels
- posted by Connie @ 6/23/2005 04:21:00 PM 0 comments

 
i swore i'd never ditch comcast, but for $